After breast cancer and menapause

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pinklady57
pinklady57 Member Posts: 8
edited June 2013 in Health and wellbeing

Hi, I would like to talk to anyone who has had problems with sex after breast cancer and menapause. I was diagnosed at 42 and at 47 and went through early menapause. I would like to hear from other ladies who have gone through similar and discuss if they have found any products that may have helped.

 

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  • Mich x
    Mich x Member Posts: 1,530 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Hey Pink LadyI am so glad someone has brought this subject to the surface as I am a bit shy in coming forward regarding this topic and my husband would be horrified that I was discussing it openly on the net but I believe this is the best place for this discussion and hopefully everyone can be open about it.I was diagnosed when I was 55 nearly 56 and I am now 57.  My libido is non existent, full stop.  My poor darling husband has the patience of a saint.  They talk about dryness but are they talking about inside or outside or both?  My husband works away for 4 weeks at a time and is only home for a short time and for him it is extremely important that we are intimate while he is home.  I have also found I have had bleeding.  I have not had a period since I had a hysterectomy 25+ years ago so you can imagine how frightening that was for him let alone me.I have an appointment with a Womens Health Centre at one of the big hospitals in Perth next Wednesday where Ihope to speak with the Clinical Nurse/Breast Nurse/Clinical Sexologist who also deals in menopausal issues  of which I am looking forward to hopefully getting some help with these and other issues.  I have been to see them before and have been given the names of a books they suggested we read which I have not got around to doing yet but plan to do so now that I am feeling well enough to be concerned about this particular issue for both my hubby and me.If there are any questions you would like asked when I see the practitioner next week.BCNA has a book called living with breast cancer and sexual wellbeing.  There is also a book called Sex Matter for Weomen. Good Loving Great Sex.  Where did my Libido Go?  Sexual Health for Women.Hopefully between us we can get some answers and some help.Lots of love, Mich xoxoxo
  • adean
    adean Member Posts: 1,036 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Well what do you do when you've tried all the movies and gadjets? And still nothing! We actually end up laughing, and that's a killer. And to top it of the aching joints and I've been getting leg cramps, poor hubby thought the yelling was pleasure, but actually pain. Oh we'll girls back to the drawing board. Love to you all adean
  • Kerry23
    Kerry23 Member Posts: 27
    edited March 2015
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    Hello ladies.....yep where did it go & when it does surface - gritted teeth is not the answer. lol.

    I have found the lubricants dont stop the stinging sensation afterwards and "touch wood" I havent bled yet but damn near close.

    Tried Replens but it just runs down my legs...doesnt stay where it is suppose to.

    The trails of being a woman...oh boy if I had 3 wishes MALES would be in serious trouble...hehehehe

     

  • Leonie Moore
    Leonie Moore Member Posts: 1,470 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Hi Pinklady57.  I too am 57 and with a "new" hubby.  We have only been married for 5.7 years (15 years together) so intimacy is still very important to us.  We have loads of laughs nowadays and the spontaneity (sorry about the spelling) gets interrupted by the need for all the "extras".  We have learnt to accept the new situation and be grateful for "whatever" we can do. I love humour and intimacy now is definately humourous!!  I hope you too will be able to achieve this. XLeonie

  • Leonie Moore
    Leonie Moore Member Posts: 1,470 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Hi Pinklady57.  I too am 57 and with a "new" hubby.  We have only been married for 5.7 years (15 years together) so intimacy is still very important to us.  We have loads of laughs nowadays and the spontaneity (sorry about the spelling) gets interrupted by the need for all the "extras".  We have learnt to accept the new situation and be grateful for "whatever" we can do. I love humour and intimacy now is definately humourous!!  I hope you too will be able to achieve this. XLeonie

  • pinklady57
    pinklady57 Member Posts: 8
    edited March 2015
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    I know what you mean!!!!   I was 42 and my kids had just left home and we thought yippee we can finally have privacy. BUT life can be cruel. I'm hoping someone may have a solution.

    My doctor suggested ovestin cream but as the cancer cells fed on eostrogen I was reluctant. Unless I have more info as to if it can help or deter I'll keep looking.

     

  • pinklady57
    pinklady57 Member Posts: 8
    edited March 2015
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    Thanks for your feedback I'll try the sites you suggested. Hopefully I'll find something that works.

  • pinklady57
    pinklady57 Member Posts: 8
    edited March 2015
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    Thanks

  • pisces_tas
    pisces_tas Member Posts: 474 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Re Ovestin Cream...  Gynaecologist told me.. " a sixth of an application twice a week. " The dose delivered with the cream is small... about : |____| this much, so 1/6 th of an application would be about : |_| Not a lot, but may help around opening of vagina with dryness. ( Need to wash applicator between each use.)

    There is also Vagifem pessaries ( no need to wash applicator as they come pre packed and with separate applications )... again..twice a week..slow release.

     Use either one, or the other, or perhaps alternate between the two, ? I use them and also SYLK lubricant.

    My tumour was oestrogen" negative " first time around, then oestrogen  "equivocal "... 

    I have found now, since flushes are now settled, that things can improve a bit, though at times I do not like being " touched at all. "   Excitement can take longer  and is maybe not as frequent with desire nor as strong, so take things slowly... etc..but you can find ways around things, and to be intimate.( Music, soft lighting, warm bath, massage) Physical Intimacy seems important for the man.. and woman too I guess.. in that she wants to feel atractive to her partner, and it can help feelings of wellbeing and being " connected."   Humour and honesty can go a long way too.

    I am not saying I have the perfect answer. The issues for me are ongoing with dryness and libido, but I try and find ways around things.   You are still YOU and worthy of being loved and cared for. Your partner needs to have their needs heard and cared about too.

    It IS a hell of a change though.. or can be for some. I was also 42 and had early menopause following lumpectomy and chemo, then another lumpectomy at 47...  ie : 1998 and 2003.

    It is now 10 years since last lumpectomy and radiation, with sentinel node biopsy. I became divorced, but have met a nice older than me, man the last three years. It is based on humour, friendship and honesty, plus trust etc. There are ongoing issues with dryness and libido, and it is difficult at times. There is also vaginal atrophy.. to deal with and some odour issues.  We persevere.. LOL...

    Other issues also... like strength, cholesterol increasing..low Vit D at present.... Do not give up.. you have come this far..

    Kathy.

     

     

  • pinklady57
    pinklady57 Member Posts: 8
    edited March 2015
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    Thanks for your help

  • pinklady57
    pinklady57 Member Posts: 8
    edited March 2015
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    It's an unjust world isn't it. They say life begins in your forties but mine went downhill.

    Maybe something can be done in the future but by that time I'll probably be on a walking frame lol

  • Mich x
    Mich x Member Posts: 1,530 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Thank you Kathy for your honesty it is much appreciated and helpful.Mich xoxoxo
  • Mich x
    Mich x Member Posts: 1,530 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    You made me laugh Bella with the Randy bit but I know where you are coming from.  Men are from Mars and women are from Venus and I guess the Randy bit comes from Mars and never quite reached Venus. (sorry it may have reached a few of the lovely ladies that were living on the outskirts of Venus at the time.  hee hee  LOL.I believe for some couples and  males in particular that sex is what a relationship is all about BUT!! there are so many men, like your hubby who love you no matter what and definitely live in the fear of hurting you so they don't want to go there cause they don't want to cause you any further pain.This whole relationship, sex, libido, love, affection, trust, faith, heartache, desire, no desire, oh ok then but hurry up and get it over with.............. and so it goes on and on and on manages to put so much pressure on relationships and on us as individuals and for men, well my man especially his way of showing me how much he loves me is with making love, not mad passionate love, but love that means something and feels something and makes us feel special, important and to remind us that we are the person he chose to spend the rest of his life with. BUT!!!! once again BC diagnosis seems to have taken that away.  I think it is something that we all do need to think about and work on but when we are feeling so ill, so fatigued, so frightened, stressed, lonely and all those other emotions that take over with a diagnois of BC THEN love making seems to just go on the back burner but hopefully for all of us beautiful and wonderful pink sisters it will sneak back in to our lives one day without us even noticing.  Fingers crossed.Lots of love, always, Mich xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
  • Mich x
    Mich x Member Posts: 1,530 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    I can just picture you now with a hot pink zimmer frame racing down the road or maybe a red one cause it goes faster!!!!!!!     Zooooooooom oh I blinked and I missed her, shucks!!!MICH XOXOXO
  • Keryn
    Keryn Member Posts: 107 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    Hi everyone. I too have had a simular story and found that help for painful sex was non existant. Was also told that it was normal. I didnt take this lying down ( pun intended!) I saw a female doctor that was sympathetic and started using oveston creme but couldnt stand having to wash the damn applicator all the time so i switched to the vagifem pessary twice a week. we also use sylk lube and just plain old sweet almond oil ( health food shops). I like the almond oil the best as its an all natural product.Im a great believer in foreplay, you have to be ready to go the distance, so we like to play and touch and just take our time.  I still have tearing issues most times but they are not too bad.Anyway have fun and enjoy yourself, get loose and relax, do all the things you think might be a bit unconventional and dont feel preasured into it. If your not ready he dosnt get to play either.

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