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T0mmy
Member Posts: 14 ✭
From the moment I was diagnosed earlier this year with stage 3 breast cancer, I have cried only once. Cancer or death doesn't frighten me but the thought of not being there for my son and not watching him grow is unfathomable. I want to lose my shit and fall into a heap and cry but it doesn't happen.
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Everyone may have very different reactions. I cried over cancer three times - briefly while waiting for an initial biopsy (pure terror), a bit of a sniffle after first meeting my oncologist (he’s great, just got overwhelmed) and once when I accidentally frizzed the front of my wig (that was the only serious howl, ridiculous!!). I can sob over sad films but rarely over personal things. Not being frightened of death is a great asset, it took me quite a while to get there. Crying can be a bit of a release but so can other things - some of us get release through planning, or by running, or by laughing (a lot of what happens is utterly absurd). Don’t worry about tears, just find the ways that suit you best to let go of tension when you can. Your priorities sound pretty good to me. Best wishes.5
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thank you Afraser! How are you in your journey?0
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Seven years on, it sometimes seems a lifetime ago. I’m fine, even stopped getting so jittery about annual check ups after five years. I worried about death, then fretted about changing my life. One hasn’t happened (although I have learned to be a great deal more philosophic about it!) and my life did change, but not in the way I feared. I took on a new job a year later, gradually spent more time on things that were new and expanded my thinking. I’ve travelled quite a bit and hope I can resume when we can take to the air again! Oh, I also became a grandmother - twice. In short, my pretty happy life became even happier, calmer and more satisfying. The dread of recurrence is there, but it’s more of a quiet murmur. I’ve even discovered that some of what I learned during cancer is handy in a pandemic - take things day by day, don’t waste time worrying about things that may never happen, look forward not back. No-one in their right mind wants cancer, but if you are lucky you can learn something from it. Best wishes.7
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@Tommy, I had those same thoughts repeatedly when I got my diagnosis. I initially totally lost it and cried for days and as I processed it,I went through a range of different emotions. Disbelief,anger,grief to name a few. Tests and waiting for results were/are so stressful and I have cried often through these last 6 months. My whole life changed pretty much overnight as I was working overseas and had made the decision to come back to Australia for medical care.
As Afraser said above we all process differently. I have found it helpful to take one thing at a time whether it is just coping with a day,chemo session or an upcoming doctors appointment.I am focusing on the good things as much as I can but there are those days and times when that’s hard and that’s ok. I have also found it therapeutic to do the things I love,so if you do and can do that,it might help. Most importantly I have my faith and that is what helps me the most. As I write this I realize that I don’t have the answers but can so relate with feeling like you are and wanted to encourage you somehow. This group is great and has helped me on my journey for sure.
Saying a prayer for you and sending my best wishes x3 -
You sound a lot like me, I have never stressed about things that are out of my control. (Although I cry at the drop of a hat watching sad or happy movies). But I have got to say, this cancer is testing my ability to stay calm. In fact, I just vented on here myself. I cried when I broke the news to my husband, when my hair fell out in clumps and on the worst days of my chemotherapy when I felt like absolute shit. I always manage to hold it together in front of my kids, like you, I want to watch my kids grow. I use humour to cope. People tell me I am handling it so well, but still waters hide strong undercurrents. Do whatever you need to do to get through it, and at some stage that crying jag might come. Probably when you least expect it. I wish you all the best, sending a virtual hug xx3
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Welcome @TOmmy, to this very informative forum of such beautiful people that have been where you are at the moment, we are here to help you through these times.
When I was diagnosed back in late 2018 , I found this site to be so reassuring and knowing that everybody just got where I was coming from as they have been there to.
We all deal with emotions differently, I found myself to be a tough person on the outside , but on the inside I was just mush, but I didn’t like to show other people my emotions.
Take one day at a time, don’t worry that you haven’t cried much, our children and families make us fight that much harder.
You can do this, take one day at a time.
Sending positive vibes and a virtual hug your way.
Take Care xx1 -
I cry regularly - my bladder has become permanently attached to my eyes I think, but I didn’t for the first few months. The one time I did was after a ‘look good feel good’ clinic which I went to before my chemo started. There were ladies there who were bald and white and swollen and I could see what was coming. I went back to my car and sobbed. Other than that I was calm when everyone around me wasn’t. Now the opposite it true 😣.You might find the tears come one day over nothing in particular, and you will begin to let it out. I know that sometimes it’s truly a relief to let the tears come when you haven’t been able to before. Hugs to you - I know the fear of not being here for your children. Nothing else strangles my heart like that. Xx3
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Thank you! ❤️ddon said:I cry regularly - my bladder has become permanently attached to my eyes I think, but I didn’t for the first few months. The one time I did was after a ‘look good feel good’ clinic which I went to before my chemo started. There were ladies there who were bald and white and swollen and I could see what was coming. I went back to my car and sobbed. Other than that I was calm when everyone around me wasn’t. Now the opposite it true 😣.You might find the tears come one day over nothing in particular, and you will begin to let it out. I know that sometimes it’s truly a relief to let the tears come when you haven’t been able to before. Hugs to you - I know the fear of not being here for your children. Nothing else strangles my heart like that. Xx1 -
ddon, you hit the nail on the head there.
I use to hold things together all the time out in public, even in front of the psychologist......
Go home , something on tv would trigger the sadness that was inside of me, be it a commercial or something in a movie. I use to have a good cry every month or so, you can feel it build up inside and once you release I found I could get back on with things again.
It all hits us at different times and for different reasons.
I love what you said about your bladder being attached to your eyes..... I hope you’re kicking this shit to the curb.......
Sending hugs to everyone that needs one xxxxx1
