numb
From the moment I was diagnosed earlier this year with stage 3 breast cancer, I have cried only once. Cancer or death doesn't frighten me but the thought of not being there for my son and not watching...
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I cry regularly - my bladder has become permanently attached to my eyes I think, but I didn’t for the first few months. The one time I did was after a ‘look good feel good’ clinic which I went to before my chemo started. There were ladies there who were bald and white and swollen and I could see what was coming. I went back to my car and sobbed. Other than that I was calm when everyone around me wasn’t. Now the opposite it true 😣.
You might find the tears come one day over nothing in particular, and you will begin to let it out. I know that sometimes it’s truly a relief to let the tears come when you haven’t been able to before. Hugs to you - I know the fear of not being here for your children. Nothing else strangles my heart like that. Xx