Living in fear

Sydney Member Posts: 4 New Member
edited October 2019 in Newly diagnosed
I was diagnosed earlier this year, i had surgery and just finished chemo now on radiation. Doctors said after treatment the chance of reccurrence is low but since day one im living in fear of the cancer coming back and i dont know how to cope sometimes i just sit and cry when no one is at home.


  • Sydney
    Sydney Member Posts: 4 New Member
    Thank you @Annie C and @Afraser for your encouraging words. I have been going to this website since I started treatment and I am very grateful that I finally signed up and connect to other people who’s experiencing the same thing i was. It’s difficult talking to my friends as they have no idea what I have been going thru but they are  all supportive. Im also considering counseling maybe it would me. I have aunties who had breast cancer they’re overseas, talking to them didn’t help as they’ve forgotten their diagnosis it was more than 15 years ago but both had mastectomy and no further treatment and they’re very much ok.
  • Afraser
    Afraser Member Posts: 4,392
    Friends are great for many things but a counsellor is different. Keep your aunts in your mind! You can finally forget over time! Best wishes. 
  • Kash
    Kash Member Posts: 27
    Try and set yourself a little holiday or something you like doing. Its a great distraction.
    Like everyone has already mentioned "we all freak out" about recurrence. As time goes on it does become less stressful. Even hopping on the bloody brilliant BCNA Online chats is a wondeful way to let it all out.
  • Eastmum
    Eastmum Member Posts: 495
    Hi @Sydney - first of all, wishing you all the best and go you! You've come so far already. Through surgery and chemo - before you know it, you'll see the light at the end of the radiation tunnel. 
    As the others have said, recurrence is always something that's at the back of our minds. I find that thinking of the future in 'chunks' can really help. Because I work in a school, my life revolves around school terms so I think one term ahead and then when I look back it's like 'wow'! It's already been 18 months since my diagnosis - where did that time go?
    Don't be surprised that you might feel a bit more 'lost' when active treatment finishes. That's when you're in a sort of limbo. As time goes on though, it's a little easier to adjust to the new normal and enjoy each day as it comes.
    Lots of hugs xxxx
  • Sydney
    Sydney Member Posts: 4 New Member
    Hi @Eastmum i hope all is well with you. Thank you for your encouraging words. I don’t know how long it would take me to embrace the new normal I know the key is acceptance. Maybe still shocked, angry I know a lot of people who drink, smoke, not too good lifestyle, bad eating habits but they’re all OK. Cancer sucks. I’m looking forward for radiation to finish. All the best with you😊
  • kezmusc
    kezmusc Member Posts: 1,544
    Hi @Sydney

    Welcome lovely.  As the ladies have already said this is absolutely and perfectly normal as is the "limbo land" after active treatment ends. That first year after I found the most difficult and is a windy road back.  It does get easier to shove it to the far reaches of your mind the further you get down the track.  It's never going to go completely but you can put it away it for longer.  The crying gets less and you start to take a lot more notice of the good moments and appreciate them.  In fact, I make a conscious effort to seek those moments out daily. Things you never even noticed before because you were too busy take on a different meaning.  Make the time to stop and look around at the sky, watch the birds, feel the breeze on your face, look at the sunset for just a moment.  Those moments start to add up. I wish I had have done that sooner.
    It's a long road lovely but you'll get there.  Promise.
  • iserbrown
    iserbrown Member Posts: 5,606

    There's a fact sheet which may be of some help to you.  As the others have said it is natural to feel this way as it is such a huge event in our lives and we have such a heightened awareness of self

    Hope you are travelling well