Our 'New Normal' - a thought provoking article

Afraser

I know it’s one more thing to add to what you are currently juggling but I agree with @Sister, a good professional counsellor can be very helpful at this juncture. My low point was about 5 months in - the third possibly permanent side effect left me wondering what I might have to give up. Up to then I had sailed through chemo and surgery, and continued work, but now started to wonder how these ‘non-cancer’ issues would affect me. Not depressed but very confused. My counsellor smartly pushed past the cancer recovery to look at what I considered ‘back to normal’. I hadn’t given any thought to that - but had to recognise the long working hours, lack of delegation, little genuine energy building (she had to explain that!) and so forth might not be ideal, even if I enjoyed it. I didn’t make any radical changes, didn’t give up anything precious but bit by bit got myself into a different mind set. Magically, there was more time for things I’d never had time for. And a greater sense of satisfaction. My time with the counsellor was really quite short - the lessons are still acted on. Best wishes. 

kezmusc

I think a lot of it  depends at what stage your at, how far past D Day and treatment you are, as to how you think about things.  The first 18 months is not something I would ever like to go through again. Screw you instant menopause and hormone therapy uggh.
 What @Arpie, has posted pretty much sums it up as to how a lot of us feel during that time.  Some people get through it quicker and some take a lot more time, it just depends.

@ddon yes, everyone expects you to be "better" and happy after your treatment ends.  They know no different and we hope they never will. Annoying..absolutely.  Sometimes a gentle reminder of "Hey, you realise I just got chopped, poisened and nuked so No I'm not better yet" can go along way

Working through that initial quagmire takes immense effort and energy. It is so full of ups and downs that it can appear as if nothing will ever change and you just have to accept it.
People always say that things will get better with time but at the beginning you kind of want to slap the next person you hear that from.
 I know once my mind was clear enough to really take stock of "before" I realised a few things. 

 Normal, the day before diagnosis was not my normal from 5 years prior so there actually really was no definition of normal. It had been constantly changing right up to that day.  Both good things and bad things. There would never be an unchanging constant normal, with or without cancer.  Some kind of shit was bound to happen and time keeps on ticking.

 I think I had really revved up how fantastic everything was before, purely because it was...well, before. (Except my love life...that really was far better.! lol)
Hmmm.... Zero time for me,  an endless marathon of work, shopping, cooking, looking after the farm, looking after kids, absolutely every body else and bugger all thought as to what really was important.  There was always next time, always next week, month, year to do that right? We know better now.

 Time is precious and I was wasting far too much of it feeling somewhere between sad and  angry. I still swear and curse at hotflushes, nausea, my rock boob aches and Tamoxifen.

Absolutely, there are still some sketchy, anxious moments here and there ( another MRI next Thursday) and I doubt whether the feeling of "is it back" when you have a pain will ever completely go. It's minimal these days and I choose not to give that bitch cancer anymore power than it has already had.

I @agree with @Afraser. I prefer the person I have become.  I'm much more balanced and adaptable.  I say yes, to all invitations without even thinking and I now make time for the things I want to do without a shred of guilt.

Just keep pushing through if your struggling.  Speak to a counsellor if you need to.

Take notice of the small moments of good every time you can.  Drink the wine, wear the good perfume and sparkles whenever you damn well please. Vacuum in them if you want.
You will make it through and you might just like the new version better. 


Hugs to all
xoxoxoxo

ddon

Thank you both @Afraser and @kezmusc. 

I have read and re-read your thoughts and you have both helped very much. I will get through this, I don’t want to waste the time I have being defeated by my mind. I am dreading the tamoxifen ( already over these constant hot flashes and dead libido) but I figure it can’t be too much worse than the chemo misery. 

 I really don’t like this person I am right now so I have to work on some positivity. Thank you again x