Forum Discussion
I Can't Blame the Lack of Sunshine...
It's been a beautiful day - Spring in the middle of Winter - but it might as well be overcast and dark. It takes so little to cloud over any positive feelings I have. I finally got myself to the phone this morning to make the appointments to get me to a psychologist as I need to have a health care plan done. I'm pretty sure I know who I want to see - someone at the Rehab place I go to. Anyway, first of all, I can't get into my GP for a referral until October - not his fault - he's allowed holidays. I can't get into the other GP I sort of know until the end of September. She's fully booked and on holidays, too. The other GP I know is AWOL it seems. So, I agree to see one of the other doctors - none of whom I have ever seen before and who don't know me from a bar of soap. Then, I find out it's got to be co-ordinated with an appointment with the nurse which can't be done until the end of next week. For fuck sake - I've got to spend all bloody morning with people I don't know so that they can tick off some forms to say "Shit, yeah! She's had cancer, has no money and is probably a bit fucked up by now." And after all of that, I get to try to make an appointment to see the psych and who knows how long that will take.
Got off the phone and went out in the sun and cried. I know that it's my fault for taking so long to organise but, first I wasn't ready and then it took an immense amount of self-talk to make that call. Now, quite frankly, I wish I'd never bothered. I'm crying again as I'm typing this.
Sorry for the swearing - I don't normally do that. I just need to get it out of my head.
Got off the phone and went out in the sun and cried. I know that it's my fault for taking so long to organise but, first I wasn't ready and then it took an immense amount of self-talk to make that call. Now, quite frankly, I wish I'd never bothered. I'm crying again as I'm typing this.
Sorry for the swearing - I don't normally do that. I just need to get it out of my head.
19 Replies
- Now that sounds like a really good idea to me..... one step at a time Sister
Hugs
soldiercrab - Thanks,@ soldiercrab. I had thought of printing out bits of my blog and maybe adding to it.
- sister what about doing some writing now ready for your first appointment.... I found that helped I was too emotional to talk about it ... I handed my psychologist a sheet of paper with a brief description of my life and BC. She used that to ask questions about general things that got me talking
I agree about the wait that is B*llsh*t If you want to PM me do .... I have been there understand the fact we lose sight of who we are and need to reestablish our own identity for ourselves.
hugs
Soldiercrab - Lol when I was doing radiation I saw a counsellor there when it was scheduled and I didn't take advantage of it I was like I am fine! When I wasn't. She seemed lovely too. I hope you. Get onto someone lovely. Quickly @sister
- It doesn't surprise me - it seems like a case of over-servicing but I'm hoping that it won't take long to get the psych appointment.
- @sister that’s bullshit. I work as a nurse in a gp clinic and that bloody dr soo could of done the mental health care plan for you. Where I am they all do their own. I do care plans day in day out and I can give patients up to 5 EPC referals in a calendar year to start with for lots of different allied health including psychology and then the gp can do the mental health care plan and give you up to 10. But you don’t always have to see the nurse first he could of just done it for you. It means he gets paid for the care plan the nurse does and then gets another payment for the MHCP when you come to see him. Some gp practices have mental health nurses that just do those MHCPs but not a lot of them do. I wish I could help you love. If I have a patient who needs a care plan done urgently I just work it into my schedule. I do it all the time, but that’s how I roll. I wish you lived closer I’d be happy to help. Hope your feeling a bit better today love. Hang in there. The BCNA and the cancer council have cousellors who can help you maybe you can give them a call. Otherwise if you have private cover you can just book to see a counsellor in your local community. Some patients tell me this is better as they are less clinical and more personable. Big hug. Margie. Xx
- Yes @Sister that's it exactly. I ceased being me that diagnosis day and I still haven't found a replacement. I tried to explain this to my husband today but he says he can't see the difference. I don't even like my name any more, thinking of changing it. Looking for something that means "Gives up in disgust".
- Ditto. I too was at the table when I read the email on my phone. My stomach fell away and my ears filled with a horrible noise. The whole memory is in vivid Technicolor detail. The whole family was there inc my parents because one of the kids was performing in a school concert so I had to keep up a 'normal' face. My mother noticed I was quiet though.
The previous night was the last night I slept well. I have come to realise that I had completely lost sight of who I was in the last few years of family trauma, and my BC was the icing on the cake. It's fundamentally changed me. So finding our way back to our new selves is a challenge, and I need help with it. One day I hope we're both sitting with ourselves a lot more comfortably. K xox - Thanks everyone - I know that they're forced to tick the boxes that Medicare requires but I can't help feeling it's serious overservicing. I'm already going to that rehabilitation hospital and had to be seen by a GP and a psychologist there for my health fund to pay for it. I just can't help thinking that if my old GP was still at the practice, she would snort loudly, and cut as many corners as she could legally to get me sorted. After all, no-one is going to think that I'm rorting the system to get my head checked out.
I've always been for psychological counselling for other people just not very good at it myself. My sister saw a real doozy for years and I sat in on one of the sessions as a teenager - even I knew there was something very off about him - he was later struck off. I think that has possibly made me wary for myself. And I saw a very nice woman after the bushfires but she got very little out of me - I just couldn't wait for the appointment to be finished. So, it was very hard to pick up the phone to start the process.
As @zoffiel said though - that part is done and I don't have to do it again.
I just wish that I recognised myself in all of this. I seem to have lost myself along the way during the year. @kmakm - you say you've got a cancer reel. I just keep flashing back to an image of sitting at the table telling my husband I had the Breastscreen recall appointment. I think that was the last time I was me. - Lordy. ...and they wonder why the public mental health system is overrun. You just walk in off the street and see someone that day.
