INVISIBLE WOUNDS and The Power of Words.

kezmusc Member Posts: 1,544
edited July 2018 in General discussion

I have a sad but true story about somebody who thought his feelings weren't valid or acceptable.

At 3am one morning a man turned up at his home in a taxi.  His wife didn’t expect him, surely somebody would have told her he was coming. He was snuck in under the cover of darkness, without announcement, so he wouldn’t have to deal with the fall out that would be waiting at the airport during daylight hours.

He was told not to speak to anybody about what he had seen or been involved in as nobody wanted to hear it, some people thought he shouldn’t have been there anyway.

There was no debriefing, no counselling and nobody to talk to.  Anybody who hadn’t been there wouldn’t have understood any way and the only ones who could comprehend were under instructions to be quiet and keep a low profile.  He wasn't to make other families scared or angry if they still had relatives over there. Nor was he to lower morale of anybody about to go.

 He was told to have the rest of the week off, get back to work and on with his life. Toughen up.  It could be worse, he could have died there right?  At least he was alive.

He was never the same.  How could he be.  There were no forums to be able to express the ongoing fear, the anger, the depression, the nightmares, the daily pain. No validation that his thoughts were normal given the situation.  No empathy for the constant anxiety.

No friends to say, hey mate, I know how your feeling. I get it, I’m here for you no matter what you want to tell me.

Those things could not be let out until somebody decided it was acceptable.  By that time, it was too late.  The years of keeping all that locked up, feeling like nobody wanted to hear what he had to say, that he was weak for not being able to get back to normal and just put up with the fallout had turned into a bottomless dark pit with seemingly no way out.

The story finishes at the end of a lonely dirt road with a car, carbon monoxide and a devastated family. 

There have been many discussions about likening a cancer diagnosis and all its fallout to PTSD.  

There have been a number of discussions closed (and rightly so when it becomes a slanging match) when things go totally off tangent. 

 Moderation by the moderators is at their discretion and this is their gig. However, what is not helpful is being moderated  (even unintentionally) amongst our own community. 

People are encouraged to see councilors and talk it out. Sometimes all that is needed is a good chat on here. Everybody’s safe place right?  

We all need to stand and support each other together or some of us will fall.   


  • Romla
    Romla Member Posts: 2,092
    We are all in the same boat basically . Scroll  past a post that doesn’t resonate if you wish but if you do contribute remember others maybe in a more fragile place  and that one day it may well be you.
  • kezmusc
    kezmusc Member Posts: 1,544
    Hey @Kmakm. The  "be mindful of how you write"  I believe (that's how I mean it anyway) is referring to making people feel their comments are not valid or they are being dismissed.  Absolutely nothing to do with the ones who were actually voicing their concerns and hurdles. 

    You have a way with words and have been open, honest and genuine and have helped and inspired so many people. I'll happily listen to you complain about stinking hormone therapy.  It's total shite.

    @Romla it was your post about thought for the day that gave me the nerve to put this one up.  I had been contemplating it but what if no one agreed, what if I offended someone what if what if.............

    What I don't want to see happen is people stop posting for fear they have nothing of worth to say, they are posting too much or they may scare somebody.  

    It took me months of lurking to post on here.   I was nearly finished my treatment and my first post was dreading hormone therapy.
    I was scared I would have nothing of value to offer anyone, that no one would comment or "like" what I had to say. 

    The above story is about my father and be F****D if I'm going down that path.  I seem to have inherited his keep it all inside thing. My god, my mother didn't even know there was problems with my first marriage when I told her I was getting divorced the poor thing.  I have really had to learn that it is ok to let it out which has been rather difficult actually.  


  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,960
    Absolutely to all. @kezmusc I didn't respond immediately to your story because it was too hard to.  Knowing now it was your father, my heart goes out to you. I believe that PTSD from the BC diagnosis is a real thing and I've been grateful for having a place to rant and rave as well as ask.
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    I took it to mean both ways. But either way it works, and is true. I think your post was beautiful and heartfelt and I agree.

    Thank you for your kind words, always. K xox
  • Vallerina
    Vallerina Member Posts: 183
    @kezmusc. Thank you. What a lovely non judgemental  way to say what others are thinking. Sorry you had to suffer in order to have this anecdote to relate. xx
  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,450
    edited July 2018
    @kezmusc  - OMG ... how terribly sad.     Stay strong.

    Know that you are cared for and valued by all of us here on BCNA  xxx