Wobbly nearing the end of active treatment

kmakm
kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
19 days ago I had my bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction, last Friday I saw the oncologist, yesterday I saw the plastic surgeon and today I saw my breast surgeon.

At the end of the appointment he said see you in six months. Right from the start I always knew that this time was going to be a challenge for me. That when the steady forward motion of appointments slowed to a trickle I would find it challenging. As I left his office I felt OK. I had lunch with a friend but when I got home I had a little cry.

I've put in place some plans and strategies to help me through the rest of the year, which I'm determined to devote to recovery. Plus I've got a list of other activities to play around with to try to reclaim my life, and reduce the stress which has dominated it in recent times. I recognise that I have to find a new normal. But right now I feel a bit bereft and a little frightened. Life will go back to normal, but do I want it to? I can't have been through all this for nothing can I? Can I make something better rise from the horror of the last six months? How long will I feel this way?
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Comments

  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    Bless you @tigerbeth, what a lovely response. Can one of those appointments be with you?!
  • tigerbeth
    tigerbeth Member Posts: 539
    @kmakm sure can !
  • Sister
    Sister Member Posts: 4,960
    @kmakm I wish I had some of those valuable pearls to tell you but I don't.  I can only hope and trust that each of us going through treatment finds some way of living that builds on this rather than being tied down by it.  And I think it starts by looking after yourself emotionally as well as physically.  Don't forget to factor in some quiet time.  It's hard when you've got so much on your plate but you've also got a supportive husband and FIL, so let them support you.  
  • Brenda5
    Brenda5 Member Posts: 2,423
    Two year past active treatment and I am finally learning to live. I still have fatigue but I pace myself and plan everything. It is very nice not to have to sit in doctors waiting rooms so much. <3
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    @Brenda5 That is definitely a plus. I've been in the full gamut, from the downright dingy to high end glamour. 
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    @kezmusc Drifting is a good way to describe it. I recognise I have to feel that way now, while I'm recovering from the operation. I hope I can structure a week to week existence that will avoid that becoming a permanent state.

    I get the "bigger better grander" thing too. I think we get clobbered with the women's magazine 'I had cancer and look at my wonderful life now' stories a fair bit. Mostly survivors are just quietly getting on with their daily business, struggling or thriving.

    I know I have to be patient and let myself move through recovery at my body's pace, not my brain's. It's challenging though! I hope I get a psychological 'I fought a war and won' moment. That'd be good.

    Thank you so much for your thoughts. I think we're similar in some ways, so your perspectives are quite valuable to me. K xox
  • Romla
    Romla Member Posts: 2,092
    I remember so well what you describe @kmakm. At my lowest ebb when I thought my life was over I found enough strength to ring the Cancer Council who arranged Cancer Connect with a lovely lady In Qld who had had breast cancer.Hearing the light in that woman’s voice started the process of lifting me out of my darkness  as I realised maybe I too could get thru this and have a life.

    I joined a local breast cancer support group and did Encore a hydrotherapy program -they both helped a lot in reassuring me that my life would go on and I could enjoy it.The biggest value to me was knowing and seeing there were others around me in the same boat - having coffee , shopping in the supermarket , out walking etc - they were living their lives and I would too.

    So gradually I got out there and returned to my former activities and added new ones. It has changed me but maybe not noticeably to the casual observer and one might say for the better as I take my health a bit more seriously exercising regularly although struggle with diet as eating esp sweets is my way of dealing with stress.

    Things take time and practice and while you are finding your feet and the new normal you have a lot of friends on here to help you . XO
  • kezmusc
    kezmusc Member Posts: 1,544
    Thank you @kmakm.  That's a lovely thing to say.   I often wonder whether my contributions are any help to anyone. I hope so. More often than not I wonder whether they even make sense given my new found talent of forgetting how to spell and spinning words.  Thanks goodness for spell check LOL.  

    This may go over like a lead balloon, but I have found checking out of the forum for a few days every so often helpful as well.   Now, don't get me wrong,  I love this place and don't stay away long, but I find at times the constant replay of thinking, reading and writing about BC all the time doesn't give my mind a break. It's a perpetual loop of reliving it, not always, sometimes it doesn't bother me at all.  
    I wonder if anyone else thinks this. 

    xoxoxoxo
  • Romla
    Romla Member Posts: 2,092
    Sometimes @kezmusc my husband believes this - me I just am so darned grateful to all of you for the support and kindness shown me I feel I want to give back something if I can.
  • kezmusc
    kezmusc Member Posts: 1,544
    Agree @Romla the support and knowledge here is amazing and I do feel exactly the same way about giving back. This forum provided me more answers and support throughout than any medico could have.  The emotional support, the relief of feeling you are not alone and can express your concerns is invaluable and I hope nobody takes it the wrong way.
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    @Romla @kezmusc No lead balloon with that concept at all. I feel the same way and know I ebb and flow a bit. I was on here a bit less last week, just needed to check in less and let the mind free range and rest a bit more. I expect as life gathers pace again I won't be here as much, but I definitely get SO much help at the moment, and feel very strongly about giving back, that I'm rusted on for now!

    Having said that, I've got a lot of admin to do now, and then some laundry, and tv to watch, so it's over and out for a couple of hours at least! K xox