Stranger reactions and losing one's temper!
kmakm
Member Posts: 7,974 ✭
Had a new thing happen today.
I woman I'd met only once before two weeks ago, and only to say hello, asked me how I was going (Chemo 3, death warmed up). I answered 'not awesome' and she said, grinning from ear to ear, 'been there' and without pausing asked me if I had any lymph node involvement.
Something just snapped inside me. I am very open about this stuff and until now, have answered any questions put to me. But there was something about the gall of this grinning woman who doesn't know me from Adam, wanting to know something so diagnostically specific. So I said I didn't feel comfortable discussing it with someone I didn't know.
She rushed on and said she knew just how I felt, that she'd been there. My goat was up, (this was in my home) and as I herded her towards the door, I said 'are you raising your dead sister's children and caring for your father-in-law because his daughter died from a brain tumour?'
I am mortified! Suffering is NOT a competition! She caught me on a really bad day and I will apologise to her next time I see her in two weeks. Has anyone else made an absolute tit of themselves like this?! Please say yes...
I woman I'd met only once before two weeks ago, and only to say hello, asked me how I was going (Chemo 3, death warmed up). I answered 'not awesome' and she said, grinning from ear to ear, 'been there' and without pausing asked me if I had any lymph node involvement.
Something just snapped inside me. I am very open about this stuff and until now, have answered any questions put to me. But there was something about the gall of this grinning woman who doesn't know me from Adam, wanting to know something so diagnostically specific. So I said I didn't feel comfortable discussing it with someone I didn't know.
She rushed on and said she knew just how I felt, that she'd been there. My goat was up, (this was in my home) and as I herded her towards the door, I said 'are you raising your dead sister's children and caring for your father-in-law because his daughter died from a brain tumour?'
I am mortified! Suffering is NOT a competition! She caught me on a really bad day and I will apologise to her next time I see her in two weeks. Has anyone else made an absolute tit of themselves like this?! Please say yes...
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Comments
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I have said thing at times to family and sometimes friends, that I've regreted later whilst I've been on treatment. I think its a combination of stress, continual tiredness, and wishing that things would return to normal. Frustration ,at not being able to do things that I could do before. They may be excuses ,but they can make even the most placid person ( me )angry at times. I think its a good thing to have the occasional rant and get it off your chest.3
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Thank you @wendy_h67. I am indeed cooped up, monstrously bored and sick of myself. Shocked at my reaction today.0
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Forgive yourself now. If she is half as caring as she seems, she will totally understand. She fell over herself identifying, which is a bit of a change from those who haven't a clue but both can demand patience which you just may not have. I think most people with cancer have had to worry about/accommodate someone else's reaction and sometimes you aren't ready for it. Apologise by all means but then let it go. You haven't got room or need to carry guilt. Best wishes.4
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We need a "hugs" or something similar to that as well as the "like" - I haven't had that happen (yet) @kmakm but apologise if you can and move on. If she doesn't accept your apology, you're not losing much and you will know that you've done what you can. We're just human and sometimes it's the smallest thing that can set you off when you're carrying a load.6
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I've lost my chop on a number of occasions. My pet hate is "What's your prognosis?' which has come from stunning range of people, those I know to perfect strangers. It's probably best if I don't reply 'What's yours? Any idea when you are likely to die?'
Oh well, another guilt to carry in the dark early hours. It's possible she might be a great ally in the future--if she's been here, she will get it.
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hi there love its totally ok to lose your shit especially as you are dealing with so much more as well. did she offer to help you out or cook a meal for you "since she knows what you're going through" you have enough on your plate already let alone dealing with her as well. we are all guilty of having to lashing out at times but she should understand. don't beat yourself up over it love.. big hug Margie xxx2
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@Zoffiel @onemargie Thanks womyn0
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I’ve had days like that during chemo days. Take it easy and forgive yourself. We are allowed to be angry especially during the early stages of cancer because everything that’s happening to us is new. We have to adjust to a lot of things. Be kind to yourself. The lady I’m sure understands why you lashed out on her because like she said, she’s been there.3
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Thank you @Jacifran123, I hope so. Aiming for a state of grace in this whole schmozzle. Don't know that I'll get there but trying.1
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Or just be difficult to get along with... No - state of grace is probably more elegant.2
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Yep. Your not alone. I just did a similar thing, only worse cos it was with family. I've was diagnosed at the end of September 2017, had a mastectomy in November and am about to have my last dose of chemo tomorrow.
During this time not one member of said family has been to see me, emailed or phoned me directly, although they have contacted my husband.
To cut a long story short, I totally lost my temper the other day and told them to go to buggery. Umm agh. Not sure how to go forward from here.0 -
The user and all related content has been deleted.3
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Don't beat yourself up. You really are doing an extroidenary job just getting through each day and that's where your energy should be. I did a similar thing to one of my customers who was complaining about her day and it was the straw that broke my back. I was mortified when out of my mouth came .. ' you know, you have nothing to moan about ' I'm being treated for breast cancer and that's what a shit day is like'! .. Needless to say she was horrified , walked out with tears in her eyes to return with flowers and chocolates for me. .. I felt terrible but we are now friends
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