Just been diagnosed - scared..

BlackWidow

Hi @Sweetsomethings.Wondering how you are going.I am having yet another bad day as I so hate myself after the surgery. Why oh why are these surgeons allowed to disfigure us so terribly.I suppose it is because they do not have to look at it in the mirror each day.If I knew I was going to end up like this I would have said no treatment and just let it kill me.As it is I just want to go to be with my husband now and hope he will accept me beside him in heaven or hell.I read of so many positive ladies and wonder how they got through as they did.Maybe they had more to live for ?Anne

Afraser

Dear BlackWidow

Sorry, I don't know much about your particular circumstances other than that you were part of a support group. Are they able to help you at all? The one person we can't afford to hate is ourselves. Get angry about cancer, about procedures, about medication but not yourself. Your scar is not all you are, it's probably only a very small part of you. I have a big scar, no reconstruction, my husband doesn't care about it because it's not me. Warriors carry their battle scars with pride, and I feel a bit the same way. I have occasional times when I feel less than happy about the lost/malfunctioning bits of me - my irregular heartbeat, lymphoedemic arm, dodgy feet. Then I remember what I have and can do. I had never been in hospital before cancer ( except for a baby) and the change can be very disconcerting. But I would not be dead for quids. A great deal of good stuff has happened in the past 5 years. Sometimes we need more than a support group to see past the bad stuff - I daw a counsellor for a little while and the benefits have been lasting. The mind gets clobbered by this stuff too and we all need to remember that. Take care.

SoldierCrab

hi @BlackWidow
I see you have come back online.  I think we need to look at the fact the surgeon has saved our live by performing surgery to remove our cancer(tumor)  I had a bilateral mastectomy more than five years ago now and No reconstruction... Did you know you can get a mental health Plan allowing you to visit a psychologist under Medicare, to help you work through all the mental and emotional things that our treatment brings up?   I have seen one like @Afraser and the benefits have been wonderful.... 
I am unsure of our beliefs but when we die if you believe in Heaven we gain a new body in Christ that means no glasses no missing breasts no hearing aids etc .... 
I am sure your Husband will be awaiting your arrival but I am also sure he will want you to be with your family here on Earth as long as possible. 

Did you know you can also call the helpline and chat with the lovely people there if you wish. 

BCNA Helpline 1800 500 258

If you have any questions, concerns or require any further information
or support please call 1800 500 258.  The Helpline is open Monday,
Wednesday and Friday from 9 am till 5 pm EST and Tuesday and Thursday from 9 am
till 9 pm EST.

I do hope that you can reach out to someone and share how you are feeling so that you know people care and that it will get better. 

Soldiercrab 

Rosie_BCNA

Hi @BlackWidow, I am going to send you a private message. Rosie

kmakm

Hello @Sweetsomethings. So sorry to meet you here, but here we all are. I was diagnosed in early December, also Stage 1, and had all those feelings you described. Firstly I was so angry, and after a few weeks, floods of tears. It gets easier as the treatment plan takes shape and commences. I have felt very isolated too. Get your friends round you, they'll want to help. Talk to your breast care nurse; do you have one yet? There's also the BCNA helpline, great for support and a kindly ear 1800 500 258.

I'm struggling mentally too, and am taking advantage of all the help I can get. It's a rollercoaster. You'll have good days and bad days.

And there's always always us here on this forum, no question too silly, small or whingey. Rant and vent away. We've got you! K xox

kmakm

I'm so sorry @BlackWidow, sorry that you feel this way. It's so dreadful to be trapped in the cage of despair. Are you getting counselling? Part of a support group? Talking to your breast care nurse? Don't suffer in silence, or alone. Reach out so you can feel better, even if it's just a little bit. Sending you a big virtual hug. K xox

BlackWidow

Hello everyone for your messages of support. No, I have no breast care nurse. No, I do not want to bother the support group ladies as they are busy with their lives and their own battles. I have no family at all so am a bit isolated. I am not one for ringing help lines or contacting counselling services. I will talk to my dr at my appt and see what happens. Thankyou Soldiercrab, good to know my husband will see me as I was before this awful surgery. I wish my surgeon had cut off the two boobs but he said only one was necessary. Maybe at my age they just don't care.

AllyJay

Hi there @BlackWidow , I hear you when you say you're not the sort of person who goes for "talking it out" with either a group, or one on one with a professional. I also appreciate that you have little or no family support, so I guess you have only yourself to help and love yourself. I get that. I am, however unsure about your  perception of your own "disfigurement" as you put it. You say you feel basically mutilated by having the  one breast removed and wish that the seemingly uncaring surgeon had removed both. Would you have not felt twice as disfigured? Perhaps it is the  lack of symmetry which is most distressing to you? I  had both breasts removed almost a year ago now, and, sure, it took a while for me to get used to the ironing board look, (I used to be a  18D) before, but quite frankly, I'd rather have lost both breasts than my arms, legs or eyes to cancer.  At my age (60 this year), they were just basically decorative, they'd done the hard yards decades before with breastfeeding my kids (2 years 4 months and 2 years 1 month apiece). They'd also provided a good deal of entertainment in my marital bed, but now they were out to kill me!!!  Rats to that....I fully intend being around for a good deal longer, even as, as I call myself "The Titless Wonder". Sending a virtual (((hug))).

kmakm

@BlackWidow Opening up to help was very difficult for me. I come from a long line of stiff upper lip, keep calm and carry on, modest, quiet English people who don't make fusses. On my mother's side anyway. I was urged to seek support from diagnosis onwards by every medical person I met, and several friends. Perhaps when you speak to your doctor, ask him/her that if there was one person you could talk to, who would they suggest. Breast care nurses can be incredibly supportive. I gave mine the rounds of the bloody kitchen for our first few meetings when I was incalculably angry, but she's tough and is a superb support to me now. If you are religious, maybe you could talk to your minister? No woman is an island. We're all here to help each other. Sending love. K xox

BlackWidow

Hello and thank you to AllyJay and kmakm.No, I am not religious.The support group ladies are much younger than me and have their husbands and children to care for.I cannot afford to attend their functions which are held in a variety of places.I would much rather the totally flat look than one hanging southwards and the other a lumpy crooked mess.Clothes would certainly hang better. Sorry if I am miserable, please ignore my grumblings.I will grab my boot straps and get through this as life has thrown worse at me and here I am. Thankyou again. Anne

kmakm

@BlackWidow Don't apologise for being miserable Anne. We're all there/been there/will be there. Vent here and hopefully you'll feel a bit better. This is the space for it.