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Hi @Cyclo, I was so worried like you, after 18 months of treatment and mastectomy, I wanted to meet someone but thought no guy would be interested. I found a similar online forum like this but US based and a lot of the women said that the men really didn't care too much and I remember one said that her guy preferred a happy one breasted women to a two breasted women who was unhappy with life. Anyway I took the plunge and only discussed my history when I thought things were going to get serious and we were falling in love. He was only interested that I was ok and things continued normally. Now I am about to have a reconstruction and he said that he doesn't even notice that I look different. I think it bothers me more than him.
I think in any situation there are guys that are losers no matter what. So enjoy dating and try and be fussy and find a guy you are happy with first. I also found a good website called baggage reclaim which talks about relationships, it is quite interesting. Though I certainly don't pretend to understand men, I have found they are pretty simple creatures who want to be loved and feel good about themselves, they really don't care as much about the things we let bother us. Good luck.1 -
Well I have to agree with everyones comments! My first diagnosis I was 6 months out of my marriage, my ex husband begged to be there which I didnt want, so I did it alone and looked after my kids. I had been dating once I got through the first diagnosis, about 6 months after, I honestly had no problem with dating at all, in fact gave me confidence to know Im more than OK! 2nd diagnosis I was only 7 months into a new relationship but as I said petrified he'd run...especially as it wasnt I had BC once? this was twice now..my thinking was WTF who would want me now?? My ex husband again wanted to help, when I declined he made my life a living hell through chemo. My new Man, was incredible, I was so nervous when I lost my hair and he came over, he's a Cook Islander 6ft 3, he bent down kissed me all across my head, went back to his car, brought in his clippers and shaved his head, it was indescribable. We were quite a pair, he donated a kidney to one of his daughters, so I was in the middle of chemo incredibly ill, I traveled an hour away to look after him at home and UMMM he ended up looking after me..we laugh about it now!! He fully recovered and so did I, we are moving in end of this year after 3 years and a hell of a road together, we actually nearly did at 6 months, but things are complex, so I believe everything at the right time. Even now through mastectomy/reconstruction he just doesnt care, he's like its a boob? it's not who I am...to me obviously was so much more, but dont feel the loss now.
So ladies, have faith and confidence in the depth of who you are...that's what you are loved for. Hugs @Cyclo get out there woman!!! xoxox Melinda2 -
Update on my dating experience.. You will recall I was anxious about if and when to have the bc discussion well @Brenda5 was right! I met a nice enough bloke but by the time he disclosed ALL his health issues I felt particularly fit and healthy and felt no desire to make disclosure of bc. i won't worry so much next time.4
