Is this as good as it gets?

ChanelChanel Member Posts: 70
edited October 2016 in Day to day
Hello, I hope everyone is travelling well. It's been 2  weeks since I started taking Tamoxifen ,  seems to be ok. I'm still having counselling which is good but today I'm emotional and upset. This just overwhelms me and I try to motivate myself from wanting to just sit and stare out the window. It sucks.
i have so much to be grateful for and I am but it doesn't change the way I feel.
i don't think it's a side effect of the medication.
i think I just need a hug and a shoulder xxxx
i do hope everyone of you are going well.


  • Hopes_and_DreamsHopes_and_Dreams Gold CoastMember Posts: 752
    Hi Chanel, sorry that you are having a difficult day.  You summed it up in your post - there doesn't have to be a reason for feeling emotional and you certainly don't need to excuse it!  It doesn't mean that you aren't grateful for what you have ....     it just means you are an amazing, strong woman who has been through a hell of a lot and sometimes need to give in to your feelings.  I think from time to time we just need to stop and be.  We need to re-charge and take some deep breaths.  Who cares if we do that by staring out the window, watching TV, sleeping, sitting in the sun.  What matters is that we listen to what our body and soul needs at that time.  Sending you a huge hug Chanel.  Hope the sun shines brighter tomorrow.   Love Jane xx
  • Tracey62Tracey62 Gold CoastMember Posts: 298
    Hi Chanel, we've all been there -those days when it's just not worth the battle and we fall in a heap. What we've been through is emotionally traumatic, as well as the trauma to our bodies and the disruption to life as we knew it. It's ok to just sit there, and feel the pain and loss and sadness of it all. Let it all wash out with your tears. Probably a lot more healthy than putting on that brave face we have all practiced so well. 
    So 2 weeks into Tamoxifen means you must have only recently finished "active" treatment? This isn't as good as it gets, it's get better every day, the further you progress after treatment. Maybe we should tell ourselves instead the worst is behind me, the best is yet to come. 
    You're not alone, Tracey xXx
  • wendy_h67wendy_h67 Member Posts: 422
    Hi Chanel just sending you hugs and love. Some days are better than others. Some days you have to fight through the bad days to earn the best bays of your life. Hope tomorrow is a better day Wendy h 67
  • ChanelChanel Member Posts: 70
    Thankyou girls hugs back at you xxxxx
  • primekprimek Broken HillMember Posts: 4,406
    I had such sadness through treatment and even after. So tired of the fear. Physically exhausted. Not crying quite so much like at the beginning but my zest for life had left me. Then slowly it just changed. I cannot pinpoint why or when...but it changed. I started to believe instead of dying from this disease that I would live. Joy and energy has returned. It's  a long and grueling road...but it will happen. Take all the time you need to heal. Kath x
  • Brenda5Brenda5 Burrum Heads, QldMember Posts: 2,016
    Hey you have up days and down. I am over 6mths in and still have bad days. I don't interact much on those days but sometimes its only half a day and that's a plus. :)
  • melclaritymelclarity Member Posts: 3,078

    Sending the biggest HUG from me!!! Its just so incredibly normal, and you are right, its not that we are not grateful for so many things, but its hard to escape the many emotions spiralling inside sometimes. I think when you are sad allow yourself to be upset, because I find you move through it better and you always pick back up. Up and down it will always be, but knowing you won't get stuck there is good.

    Hang in there, bit by bit, sometimes theres nothing wrong with just sitting in the moment, it really is all we ever have...and the only place where everything fades away and is peaceful.

    Melinda xo
  • ChanelChanel Member Posts: 70
    Words that resonate with me very much. Thankyou x. I also had a fall 2 weeks ago.   Slipped on my lounge floor on a piece of paper.  Landed on my surgery side , fractured ribs and sprained ankle later, I'm back to resting and more healing time. So I guess that would add to my feeling down . This year has been awful but we get through somehow. We are stronger than we realise. Love and hugs xxx
  • rowdyrowdy Member Posts: 1,165
    It is a tough trip and full of emotions good and bad, Sending you a big hug xx
  • NeNe Member Posts: 337
    I can totally relate Chanel.  I have moments where I totally hit a wall and cry for no apparent reason.  I have had panic attacks come on for no reason too, right in the middle of Woollies and then had to run out the doors like a bewildered animal.  There are the better days too, but when I am down I feel very isolated and scared.  I have learned to allow myself to stay there in those dark moments for only a little while before I pick myself back up and force myself to carry on.  It is sooo much better than to try and avoid or deny the dark moments.  But I always get up and out of the pit and I think that is where some people might get stuck.  I wish I could give you a great big hug and hoping that today is a better day for you xxx. 
  • ChanelChanel Member Posts: 70
  • InkPetalInkPetal You are valuable, beautiful, extraordinary.Member Posts: 487
    How are you feeling today?
  • KarenhappyquilterKarenhappyquilter Member Posts: 205
    I thought I would come out of chemo and radiation calm, philosophical and patient, a better and wiser woman. Apparently not, I have been on Tamoxifen for a couple of months and seem to have developed a bit of a temper.  Not as tolerant of my husband who looked after me so well as I would like to be.  Also very emotional at times, I cried watching the second presidential debate at the thought of seeing a woman president ( happy tears). I too have much to be grateful for.  But some days I get angry.  It just seems to be the way it is.  Maybe in time the wisdom and patience will come.  I am not particularly happy either, maybe this will come too in time.  And please some energy would be nice too!  Good luck, I expect what we are going through is normal.  Karen 
  • melclaritymelclarity Member Posts: 3,078

    During my rehab stint I did, our session with the Psychologist talked about that. I actually don't think its the Tamoxifen, but rather the after affects of what you have been through. I was incredibly aggressive through Chemo, my kids called me Chemoroo LOL. Ive settled alot since then, but I find Im less tolerant than I ever was before. The Psych explained its because of our journeys and the depth of it, our bucket is always full and it doesnt take much to tip it over. All completely normal, and I believe it just takes a long time to even out. I too still have mood swings of anger and tears, all sorts of things, its awful. Big hugs ladies, we are actually doing OK! I think better than we allow ourselves to believe considering what we've been through.

    Melinda xo
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