I can't stop thinking the worst..
I haven't been on the forum for a while.... life quickly got back to normal after my surgery. Quick summary... diagnosed Mar 16 with Grade One Invasive Lobular Carcinoma in R breast. Due to family history I opted for surgery... admitted to hospital Mar 31 for bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction using silicon implants. Everything has been going so well for me that I find it hard to believe that it's true. My surgery went very well with no complications, fluid buildup, infection. My recovery has been fantastic ... after 4 1/2 months I'm just about doing everything that I did before. Sentinel node biopsy and surgery showed cancer confined to R breast... a couple of small areas of DCIS in addition to the ILC (which was changed to Grade 2 after pathology results). 2 nodes removed... no evidence of cancer having spread to lymph nodes. Surgeon and treatment team suggested no chemo or radiation for me... on Tamoxifen for 5-10 years as ER+. Have been on Tamox for about 4 months now... having some side effects which are more a pain in the arse than anything else.... anyway so went to my GP today about a pain in my back, near the L shoulder blade. He is sending me for an xray and Bone scan..... I'm worried. Unlikely that this pain is anything nasty, but I've now become a person that will worry with every ache and pain that my cancer has returned, that they've missed something, that maybe I should have had chemo to knock out any of those nasty little cells still floating around the body. I just feel that everything has been too good to be true... that I got off too easy with the surgery and Tamox. Does anyone else have these feelings? When do we stop worrying and just enjoy every day that we have? How do I make these negative thoughts go away?
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I think you are reacting quite normally. I've finished chemo and still experiencing side effects but secretly worry they really are metastases not picked up, not side effects, sigh ..... just keep pushing those thoughts away. I believe eventually we will start to relax a bit ...but it will take time. Following up on issues isn't a bad thing...but I hear you. March wasn't long ago. It hasn't been even a year since diagnosis so I imagine you won't feel confident for sometime yet.
If it becomes a preoccupation in thinking then counseling around it might be an option.
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Hi Kiama12, like you I had mastectomy but mine was left breast, skin and nipple saving with immediate reconstruction using silicone implant. Grade 1 cancer Er+, PR +, no nodes involved and clear margins. I too had surgery with no chemo or radiotherapy just tamoxifen for the next x years. I freaked when they told me no other treatment as what about microscopic cells? But then I thought about it. My tamoxifen is starving my cancer cells of hormone food so hopefully they won't grow. My team weighed up how much exchange damage would be done to my system by having chemo or radiotherapy that wasn't necessary when the tamoxifen should do the job. I'm running with that one!!! I still occasionally think what if....... But then I think we all do no matter what treatment we have had - part of the nature of the beast!! All the best with your test. Let is know how your going. Xx Cath
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hi Kiama12,
I was diagnosed back in 2012 went thru surgery chemo and radiation, I was worried about recurrence and it was playing on my mind. My GP referred me to a psychologist who has worked with me to help me see the positives around me again. we are eligible for an enhanced primary care form which allows us to see psychologist under medicare etc.
I can say my pains have been residual side effects from my chemo and radiation treatments, and now that my oncologist has explained that I am more settled than I was prior to knowing this.
Its ok to feel scared, to worry about this but like PrimeK said if it becomes a preoccupation ask for a referral.
you are strong and you have been through the horrible time of breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. don't discount it just become you haven't had to have chemo or rads.
take care
Alice
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I think anyone who has been diagnosed & treated for Breast Cancer lives with the fear & worry of it returning.
Until you get your GP results I would think it's absolutely normal to feel anxious & worried.
If it is preoccupying you to the point that you cannot carry out normal daily activities let your GP know or call the Cancer support line - they are there to help.
Take care
Mel xxx
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Thank you everyone for your comments and words of support. It's just what I needed to hear. Had my xray yesterday and the radiographer indicated (quietly) that she couldn't see anything of concern. Bone scan tomorrow. I appreciate what you're saying about the counselling and the support line and will definitely use those resources if I feel it becomes necessary. I think once I have these scans completed and (fingers crossed) positive results then I will be able to move on and look to the future. Thanks again for your support..xxxx
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Yes it is natural to worry a bit. We were all sailing worry free through life before breast cancer brought us to an abrupt halt. I've been worrying about every ache and pain and if cancer is coming back or not and you know what? I am done with it. I am sick and tired of living with worry, enough! I got through breast cancer before and if there are any more hiccups in life I will flaming well get through them too. We might be the lucky ones who never get anything again? That'd be cool.
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Hi Kiama, the online network will always be here to support you. Once you have all the information you need, then yes you will know what you need to do. In the meantime we are here! xx
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Kiama12,
So great to hear you've managed so well, though Im sure sometimes it was tough going.
Its natural to worry, and moreso now after this diagnosis. Generally with a Grade1 diagnosis, Chemo wouldnt be suggested, my Oncologist said he works on the theory of Grade 3 is automatic chemo depending on other factors and Im ER+ only.
Unfortunately I had a recurrence last June 2015, 4 yrs after diagnosis of DCIS where I had a lumpectomy, radiation and 4yrs on Tamoxifen. It came back 3rd stage aggressive in my lumpectomy scar. Just bad luck really as I had super wide margins. Last year I had another lumpectomy, and chemotherapy and now I am on Arimidex as I was thrown into early menopause.
All clear now! but facing a mastectomy in the next 6 months of my left side to make sure it never comes back.
Hope all your scans are perfect!!! Hang in there. Melinda xo
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