Take back my life song
I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed of late. Eight months of surgery, chemo, radio then hormone blockers - aint they a treat?!? Just loving the hot flushes! Months where my life was driven by setting goals - make it through that next chemo, the next appointment, just another week of radio. Now I'm in that no-mans land in between treatment and starting to build a new life..... but what does that look like? Who am I now after all that has happened? How do I move on?
I go back to work in a few weeks. My work have been wonderful supporting me all this time, now welcoming me back with excitement.... but I'm scared that I'm not the same me anymore. I really suck at dealing with grief, stuff it down, ignore it, hope it will go away..... darn thing never does. How do I go back to a high pressure work place helping others to deal with their grief, if I cant even deal with my own? I don't have any answers just now, only lots of questions.
Heard this song on the radio this morning, the words really helped me. Its called "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten:
This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me
I guess we've all had the courage to fight bc, the courage to endure treatment. Now its time to have the courage to step out in faith and build that new life. Time to take back my life. ??
Comments
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Tracey - how true!
We have the courage whilst we are in the bc battle; we have no choice; but as we start to evolve we realise we have changed and not sure that others around us have changed and we question the high pressure lifestyle (working or otherwise) that we had and do we need to go back there
There was a news report recently about a study on cancer and stress and the researcher had commented that stress is like a fertilizer to cancer!
Wish you well with your working life endeavours and finding the new norm.
Take care
Christine xx
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Hi Tracey I'm now 2 years since starting my trip. I work in the health field and when I returned to work I struggled and still do with the stress. Our bodies go through so much it is hard not to change. I have always thought life is precious but now more than ever I intend to do the things I want and enjoy every day the best I can.
Take it easy and be kind to yourself it will take time to settle back in to work, good luck
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Hi Tracey
like you, I had a stressful job and although I had worked part time all throughout treatment, a lot of my role was taken over by other managers. My work made the decision for me by sacking me 2 months before I finished treatment. I was devastated and angry at the time but in reality they did me a favour. I now work part time and am no longer in a management role. Financially it's not great but we are managing but from my health stand point it is working out great. I knew my old position was high stress but I didn't realise the impact it was having on me until I started my new job. Allowing my body and my mind the time to heal has been very beneficial. I really think I would have struggled working full time again, let alone in a stressful role.
All you can do is try and if it's not working for you, change things. No one goes through this and doesn't change in some way. You may even find that you have more empathy and understanding than previously and are actually better at your job because of it. Good luck. Karen xox
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Hey there. My two year anniversary is coming up in may. I work part time but have a very technical job analysing tax law. It took a long time for my brain to start working again post treatment and feel like i only now have my confidence back. I plan to increase my hours after easter. It all takes time but you will get there. Try not to put pressure on yourself and recognize that it may take a little time to settle back into working life. From my experience i was treated with kid gloves for a while but that didn't last long. I have learnt that there is more to life than work and dont let the little things get me down. Be confident in yourself you will be surprised how quickly things return to normal..
Maryrose
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Hi Tracey
Great lyrics. I'll have to look up that song. Remember you are already courageous after everything you have gone though. And you are dealing with your grief, even if it doesn't feel like you are. It may be an adjustment when you go back, but give it time and go easy on yourself. You can do this.
Take care, Nadine
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Hi Christine, funny about stress being fertiliser to c, I saw a tv show about chemicals including fertilisers being stored in our body's fatty stores as one possible cause for c. Makes you think. For the moment I don't need to add the stress of changing jobs to an already stressful year, but sure need to find ways to de-fuse my work. Guess it will take time before anything feels normal again. Nice to hear from you ??
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Hi Rowdy, yeah I'm worried about how physical health care is, then having to remember all the technical stuff and on top of all that how to not be too "precious" with my emotions.
I remember reading your post Christmas morning as you were heading in to work, you really inspired me ??
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Hi Karen, I remember reading your employment plight earlier & thinking one more stress on top of everything else. So glad it has worked out for you. The empathy thing worries me a bit, there are days when I read the posts on here & just cry, can't afford to do that at work. You're right, hopefully it will make me a better nurse ??
Maryrose, I was so relieved when that chemo fog started to clear, but it does knock your confidence when you get stumped on technical details. Thankfully my work is allowing a gradual return program so I can start short hours & build up. Hope you enjoy your work and manage the increased hours after Easter ??
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Hi Nadine, thank you for the encouragement. Always knew the physical battle was tough, but somehow my heart and my head are taking time to catch up. Maybe a dose of the old life will bring "normal" back in focus. Hope things are going better for you xXx
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