I feel like a fraud...
I was diagnosed on Friday with an Invasive Ductal Carcinoma in my right breast. I am in shock. It is small and they have found it early which is all positive. But why do I feel so bad and scared. I feel like I am being told that it is small, it will be dealt with quickly, most women survive, I've got nothing to worry about... Yes all of that is good to hear but right now I am just trying to come to terms with the words I have breast cancer. It is probably stupid but I feel that I don't have the right to be feeling the way I do. It is not as bad as so many other women may have and have dealt with. I am making a fuss over nothing.
The fact that I already suffer from depression and anxiety one means I am an emotional mess right now, but two makes me feel that people will say that I am making this big thing over nothing and that I'm a nutcase anyway and its just another thing that I'm carrying on about.
It is all new to me, I don't really know what to expect or how long this whole process will take. I don't have enough information yet. I see my GP on Tues and then I guess we organise about seeing a surgeon or specialist. The doctors and nurses at Breastscreen were wonderful but just kept saying take it one step at a time, which is fine but I need some idea of how many steps there might be. Yes I know this is an unknown at this early stage and it will depend on further tests and who knows what... my mind is just racing around in circles right now.
I don't know if any of this makes sense, I am rambling. Have other women felt the same way? What am I meant to feel?
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Hi Jacqui There is no right or wrong way to feel when you are first diagnosed but I can tell you I felt exactly the same way when I was told I have invasive ductal carcinoma last October. I can't believe how much I cried in those first few weeks. I also had panic attacks and the waiting for test results, and treatment plans was almost unbearable. It's hard to know what to expect or how long treatment will take because everyone is different and individual treatments depend on how big the cancer is, the type, grade, stage etc and you may not know that for a little while. It is indeed one step at a time. You are not making a fuss over nothing. Cancer can be a life changing event even if it is small. I wish you could have all the answers right here right now, but that isn't possible. However, you will have them soon. For now all you can do is take a deep breath and deal as best you can day to day by taking it one day at a time. And there may be plenty of people around you who won't know the right thing to say or understand the way you feel, that's what this network is for as we have gone through it or are going through it with you. So don't hesitate to come on here and vent if you need to or ask questions.
Sending you all my best wishes
Nadine
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Hey what you are feeling is very normal. Its ok to be emotional god knows i was although i used to wait till my young daughter wasnt around because seeing me get upset would upset her so i used to breakdown in private. Its important you get support to get through even though it sounds your diagnosis is great, treatment will take its toll both physically and emotionally. And that is perfectly fine and normal. Amazing how better you feel after a good cry. Dont be too hard on yourself and do whatever you need to do to get better.
Take care and stay in touch.????
Maryrose
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Hi Jacqui
So sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Completely understandable you're an emotional mess. It's awful and I don't think anyone can understand just how awful and terrifying until they've been in the same boat.
Great news that yours is small and early, but that doesn't detract from the enormity of the news. Strange that we put ourselves down like that. Some kind of guilt - not being as bad off as others. I felt like that too - there are lots of women who have early cancers, but it's still traumatic. You're not a nutcase and you're not carrying on! This place is great for help.
How many steps? Maybe just try and focus on the step in front of you, your GP appointment, or it could get overwhelming. Your medical team will look after you
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Hi Jacqui,
You are felling just as all of us have felt, and there is certainly no competition here about who has the biggest tumour, and therefore the right to feel worse than anyone else! We have all had that sick feeling when the diagnosis was given, and it had nothing to do with the size of the tumour. No one who has not had the words 'You have cancer' said to them can truly understand the impact of hearing it, so matter how sympathetic they are.
All you can do is go down the route your doctor suggests. I have private health insurance, and asked a friend who has had breast cancer if she would recommend using her breast surgeon which she did, and I am very happy with her. A friend with private health was equally happy with the surgeon assigned to her by the hospital. Your GP will give you the referral.
Your breast surgeon will tell you your options related to the size of your lump, and will be wonderful, as is the breast nurse, if there is one in your area. You can't find out if chemotherapy or radiation will be necessary for you until after the tissue taken from your operation is analysed, and the specific type of breast cancer is known.
The time that this will take out of your life this year can't yet be known, but be aware that this support group is here for you and will answer any questions that we can from our own experience.
Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.
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Sorry, typo. My friend who did NOT have private health was very happy with her surgeon and her treatment through the public health system.
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Hi Jacqui,
Welcome to the Online Network. It's never easy to welcome new members but we are always so happy that you have found us. The members will be able to provide you with support in how you are feeling right now. Ask as many questions as you need to. You will find a number of women that have felt or are feeling the same as you right here in the Online Network.
Please let me know if you need any assistance with finding your way around the Online Network.
~Ann-Marie
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Sorry you have joined us with breast cancer but welcome. Have a look up the top bar at understanding breast cancer. In there should give you an idea of what to expect and if your breast screen hasn't already ordered one for you order yourself the free journey kit. It has heaps of help for you. You should have a breast care nurse contacting you soon too who will act as your liaison between all the specialist and tests so you aren't doing it all alone.
As to how long it will all take? I would say allot six months of this year away to treatment. I was diagnosed early October and I still have a few more weeks of treatment yet. There is no diabolical rush with all the treatments and if you aren't quite ok with it or ready your doctors and breast nurse should be able to help you along the way.
If you click any of our names in posts, it will take you to our profiles and you can read all our posts. I think mine starts pretty close to day one and my cancer was fairly small and not that scary so you are welcome to read mine. I try to up upbeat with my posts and hide my depression which is manageable most of the time but lots of times I have been just plain peeved off and that's putting it mildly. I try to dampen that down in my posts too or I might get banned for language. Seriously we all get a flood of emotions and aren't quite sure sometimes how to deal with it but somehow we all do get through it. Hugz XXXXXX
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Hi Jacqui,
Welcome to the forum but so sorry you have had to join us.
The words "you have breast cancer" are devastating to hear regardless of whether you have caught it early or not. It is a tough road to travel and it's is a complete whirlwind of emotions regardless. Please don't feel like a fraud. We've had women on here who haven't had their results from their mammogram and ultrasounds who are scared witless and need support.
Many of us have suffered depression and anxiety prior to our diagnosis and many have suffered after the diagnosis. You will find that the staff that you will deal with are skilled with dealing with the emotional impact.
The advice of taking one day at a time is a great one. It's how a lot of us have gotten through. It's too early to tell what type of treatment you will require. You will need to wait until the pathology results have been received after any surgery. It is a difficult time not knowing but you need to remember that you will get through this and many woman have travelled this path before you. Hang in there. Wishing you all the best for your doctors appointments. Karen xox
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Hi I too have early invasive ductal carcinoma. It's a huge thing to deal with. The fear, anxiety and depression, the lack of control and the emotional roller coaster feeling is terrible for me. I am half way through chemotherapy. But it will pass and I will go on with my life.
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Thank you so much to all of you for taking the time to comment here for me. Reading your advice and stories does help. It helps a lot. I guess the stress and anxiety are just making me spin out of control a bit. Only one more day till I see the gp which will help. I have been reading the My Journey kit and info here and have some specific questions to ask.
I think you are all amazing brave wonderful women. Thank you for your support and I hope I can be there for some of you in some way in the future as well.
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Thank you so much Nadine. It helps to know how others cope and deal with all of this. I hope you are doing well.
Maryrose it must be so hard to have young children around during this, but also a special reason to fight hard and keep going. Crying does help, it is my release valve. Keep well.
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Thank you Ruth, yes I am a great one for putting myself down and not wanting to create a fuss or be a nuisance. Just one more sleepless night till I see the gp. It will be good to know that things will start to get organised. Keep well.
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Thanks Georgina. All this support and information helps so much. I truly appreciate it.
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Thank you so much Brenda, I have read some of the kit and some info on here and it does help. Having a breast care nurse sounds like a great thing.
Great tip on how to read other peoples stories, I'll spend some time doing that too. You sound like such a strong positive person. Thanks for the hug. Keep well.
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Karen thank you so much for the support. I did start worrying from that first phone call from Breastscreen to say I needed more tests. It was a long week of what if and uncertainty. I guess now its a matter of this is the situation and just do what is needed.
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