Dealing with cancer AFTER treatment - Trying to move on
I am going to have a rant here about something bugging me on facebook. I would love to know if I am over reacting or if any of you guys feel the same?!
I finished active treatment on Halloween last year (almost a year out! whoohoo!) so I have been focusing on moving on and not letting the C word take over my life. It is getting easier but it is literally EVERYWHERE. It is almost impossible to go a single day with out hearing about it on the news, from friends, seeing fundraisers advertised via tv, email, online.... it seems to be the preferred method of killing off characters in a hell of a lot of movies and tv shows too 
Anyway. My point is. Making yourself mentally tough after going through this isnt easy! On top of that I have friends on facebook tagging me or posting links on my wall to cancer related articles and it is driving me nuts!!
Logically I know they are posting because they care and are thinking of me BUT all it does is make me feel like crap! I dont want people to hear the word cancer and think of me! It is not who I am! I like music, gemstone cutting, reading, photography, travelling, trying new things...... I dont want to dwell on negatives of last year I want to learn and grow from it!
It bugs me that this experience has given me a label I dont want and an emotional weak spot that people can poke without even realising the impact it has.
In writing this I have realised that my mental toughness still is a work in progress otherwise the facebook posts wouldnt bother me but I do know I am getting there. My question is: Should I post something asking people to stop sharing the links on my timeline? I dont want to hurt anyones feelings but I feel like I need to put a stop to it. Am I over reacting? Should I just ignore the posts? Advice please!
Comments
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Hi,
I know what you mean, it's everywhere! I think its going to be even worse in October when a lot of the fundraising is focussed on it. I think its perfectly okay to put a nicely written note on your facebook page (or wherever) and let people know that you want to move on. People aren't mind readers so if you don't tell them they wont know. I don't think there will be hard feelings if its carefully phrased, it just lets everyone know how you are feeling.
cheers
Mira
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Hi Karen,
I am now 4 1/2 years out form a second diagnosis. I used to hate October as so many people would say to me "you should go to this event or that fundraiser" etc etc. I hated it. It was all I could do to keep my head above water let alone surround myself with pinkness. I then would feel guilty because breast cancer awareness month was all about making people just that... aware of this awful disease and raising vital funds. I eventually made peace with it and myself about it. I have even been able to go to relay for life this past couple of years as my daughter was participating. That took a long time to be able to do as in the beginning I wanted to run from all things cancer. You are right, our cancer doesn't define us. I think a polite nicely worded request isn't such a bad idea. If it's just a few people then maybe you could private message them thanking them for their concern but letting them know how it makes you feel. Big hugs.
Paula xxx
PS I love that you cut gem stones.
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I totally agree! Perhaps something like'i HAD cancer , but I don't anymore!!!!!' There is no need to be careful about telling people, just be honest! I am 2 years past diagnosis , and I can honestly say I feel so strong and tough mentally! I am proud of where I am in my life now, and it's partly due to having HAD cancer!! Look ahead cause it's behind you, and stay connected on here for support from people that get it!!!!Cheers Robynxxx
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Hi Karen,
You want to live your life in a 'C' free zone! From the very first worrying sign, to diagnosis, prognosis, treatment and onwards the "C" takes up mental and emotional space.
I declared that work would be a 'C' free zone and have only told one person. I didn't want 'C' to be my reference point for comments and attitudes.
I agree with the other comments and would also suggest a Facebook notice, 'I am now living in a 'C' free zone!
I appreciate your care, support and love and hope you can meet my request, 'Please no more notices about anything PINK or articles or fund raisers etc etc. For now I want to forget about it all and get on with the rest of my life. Anything and everything else is really welcome - you are very important to me and you are the rest of my life! emoticons etcIf you notice that someone has dropped away then get in touch and ask if they are ok. You might lose one or two contacts but that's the risk of honesty. We can never be really sure about how someone else will respond or react but most importantly being honest about what you want is being true to yourself and that's healthy.
Beryl C.
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I hear you! I ignore posts like this and don't post anything in relation to cancer. I do have to hold myself back though when some people send posts on the latest research or " new cancer breakthrough "! Im coming up to 4 years and I'm the girl who had cancer. It's hurtful and annoys the absolute crap out of me. As you say we are not defined by this and I'm getting to a point to leave town for a bit so I can start afresh were I don't have the history.
Funny I was posting something similar to your post last night and lost connection.
All the best
Donna
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Hi Karen I don't think your over reacting it gets to me also and I'm less than half way through. I had one girl that was a staff member and she continually kept naming me, I know she meant well, however, I'm still me fighting treatment. The last straw was a tag in a post after my 2nd AC the post explained how chemotherapy was unnecessary - well maybe in earlier stages no lymph nodes involved really broke me. I unfriended her ( not mature I know) a few weeks later she pmed me and we had a chat that was nice she understood then. Hope this all sorts for you and your life becomes yrs once again
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Hi Karen,
I can so relate to this having been newly diagnosed (Aug 15th) this year. I get friends on Facebook - tagging me in on "prayer for someone battling cancer" or " like of you know anyone who is battling cancer" or Like of you know anyone going through cancer" " my most favourite (not) was "Repent and god will start to heal you"... Anyway I took a deep breath and posted the following "To all beautiful friends and family, I love you all dearly, but ask that you please not tag me in on cancer things, as I am not battling cancer, I had a diagnosis of cancer, I was proactive, had a double mastectomy and pathology confirmed it is all gone out the breast- chemo is an insurance policy in case a rogue cell went walk about" as Trip Neg does tend to do that...... I had a mixed response - from .. you are so brave Linda... and you are so positive... you are an inspiration .... geez no-one really listened to me! I think that people feel they have to do someone thing , one friend of 17 years just stopped communicating with me... and when i saw her she said .. i don't know what to say... OMG i am not dying here, i am fighting..and that does not need pity - so my friends and family are not allowed to forward, copy, paste and tag me in any cancer stuff - I can access that anytime - is the message getting through .. honestly.. No ...but I now block stuff off Facebook and send them a private message - - but now they say "she is trying to be so brave" lol.. no win for me!
I think cancer is a stigma and many years ago it was a death sentence - now as my breast nurse tells me...it is a speed bump in our lives and we move on - I so hear you and no you are not over reacting ... well done on coming up to your 1st anniversary - am jealous as my chemo starts on the 7th - only way out is through - so sooner start .. sooner end..
Hugs :-)
Linda
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Hi Donna,
Funny how it hangs around this diagnosis of cancer - I am at a stage where I have to ask - do I bother to tell a new employer - Oh I had breast cancer - cause I think that will eliminate allot of jobs .. so annoying how we fight for our lives, and pity seems to be the norm - that too is annoying the crap out of me lol
Cheers
Linda
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Hi Linda - I have the same thing with work - do I tell them?? I'm temping so working lots of different jobs. In this current one I did say something but only because the people are so lovely. It's always a risk though!!
Tink xx
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Hi Karen, it is certainly not an over reaction.. It is how you feel and family and friends need to be given a gentle nudge to step away from the cancer stuff.. It is certainly hard in October as pink is totally everywhere.(in time the pink of October wont seem to be in your face so much (i promise) After a diagnosis, it is amazing how we pick up on everything 'cancer' that is around.. it is normal and any huge stress in our lives would show up the same way.. (like songs on the radio - go figure!!!).. It certainly seems like you have tried the just ignore it but your friends need to know that it is 'time'.. I dont know what you will try to say but something to think about (hopefully helpful otherwise just laugh at me!! - i am good either way).. I always feel for anyone who is stuck in this merry-go-round and it is stressful and hurtful and those doing it really dont understand..
Perhaps something along the lines of....
I would like to post a huge thank you to all my family and friends for the support and caring that you showed me while I went through my diagnosis and treatments. I am officially coming up to 12 months since I finished my active treatment and I think that it is now time to move on from it and live my life 'after' cancer and turn it into years past treatment. So, could I please ask that you no longer send me cancer related items or tag me in them. Thanks so much again for being there for me and understanding this request.
sending huge turtle hugs and hope you get the peace you so seriously deserve. Sharon (pink66) xoxoxox0 -
Hi Karen,
I think that until one has been through the experience of a cancer diagnosis it is probably perceived as a scary thing, plus a lot of reference points for the general public are movies and tv celebrities who have had it and the media loves to use words and phrases like battling cancer, lost their battle with cancer, courageously fighting cancer, etc.
I think those of us who are actually dealing with our cancer are often doing just that, dealing with it, going to our appointments, surgeries, chemo, radio... whatever and just getting on with our lives with perhaps a few more ups and downs thrown in because of the side effects. I am certain some people are doing it tougher than others depending on the prognosis and treatment and so maybe those phrases are appropriate in some situations but I hear you. I have not posted a single word to social media except for this group and I don't intend to because I don't want my contacts to possibly expose their ignorance about it and tell me to do a juice cleanse or some such nonsense.
I don't really have a suggestion on how to handle it. I keep reminding people that my situation could be much worse as any trip to a hospital or a look at the nightly news can reveal.
On the upside people have been incredibly kind to me during this period and it has reminded me that we should all be gentler with our fellow beings regardless of their health status.
Best of luck with everything,
Andrea x
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Hi Linda,
Yeah the 'your so inspiring' thing got to me too! Doing what you need too to get rid of cancer isnt inspiring it is just doing what needs to be done! Its not like we are out saving the world or anything lol.
You would have had your first chemo by now and I hope you are travelling better than you were expecting. The unknown is the hardest part so getting that first one out of the way is a wonderful thing to check off! As for the being 1 year out. It has honestly gone bloomin quick. You will be on the other side before you know it.
xo
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Hi Andrea,
I confess my knowledge of cancer was mostly gleaned from movies so when it came to chemo time I was actually surprised. For my chemo cocktail the side effects I thought would be common weren't and ones I had never heard of were pretty standard! It really is a learn as you go thing and you deal with it in stages.
Your juice cleanse comment made me laugh by the way
One person I know from high school but have barely seen in 18 years sent me a MASSIVE message about how I should stop drinking fizzy drink. Funny thing is I barely drink the stuff! You just have to laugh.
On the front being gentler to our fellow beings.....I agree 100%
All the best,
Karen
On the upside people have been incredibly kind to me during this period and it has reminded me that we should all be gentler with our fellow beings regardless of their health status. - See more at: https://www.bcna.org.au/online-network/members/Karen%20T/blog/dealing-with-cancer-after-treatment-trying-to-move-on?cmt_id=f8197bdd-8a71-43d1-b9d8-1072a056f13d#sthash.2IGwtBuc.dpufOn the upside people have been incredibly kind to me during this period and it has reminded me that we should all be gentler with our fellow beings regardless of their health status. - See more at: https://www.bcna.org.au/online-network/members/Karen%20T/blog/dealing-with-cancer-after-treatment-trying-to-move-on?cmt_id=f8197bdd-8a71-43d1-b9d8-1072a056f13d#sthash.2IGwtBuc.dpuf0 -
Yeah, I think carefully phrased most people would understand. I have decided to simply pm people if/when they next post something.
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Thanks for your reply Paula
Glad you have made peace with it and moving on! October is a bit more in your face but other than my little hissy fit over the facebook thing it hasnt been too bad this year. I think the pm suggestion is best and that is what I will do when someone next posts or tags me in a cancer article.
As for the gemstone thing.... It is a hobby that I just love and is such a wonderful distraction! I highly recommend it if you are wanting to try something a bit different. There are many lapidary clubs Australia wide and the people are just all so nice!
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