It’s harder and lonelier now that I’m in remission. What’s that about?
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I feel exactly the same, I finished treatment in January, everyone expects me to be fine and back to normal...but I’m not .. each day is hard, I don’t feel like myself anymore, I look in the mirror and I don’t know who I’m looking at, I can’t loose any weight, I don’t sleep , I’m a mess, but I keep a smile on my face for my family
so hard xx
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@Annetted That is so tough. What is it about us that we find it necessary to do that? I am so nervous about this time. It's not like we can go round shouting "I've changed, I'm different" everyday. We'd bore the pants of everybody...
Have you got a counsellor or a breastcare nurse you can talk to regularly? It might help. I hope you feel better soon. Hang in there. K xox0 -
Thankyou, I don’t have anybody like that, I think I might have to see somebody xx0
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@Annetted Where sre you located? The BCNA runs information nights snd conferences about life after breast cancer. I've booked in for a couple; I'm taking my husband to one next month!
You could also think about joining a support group. A lot of the women here have found that really helpful. The Cancer Council website has a good location based search page.
I asked my breastcare nurse for a counsellor recommendation and see a community funded woman who specialises in helping women with breast cancer. She's excellent and costs $12.40 a session!
You could also give the BCNA helpline a call for a chat and some advice. The ladies there are fantastic, empathetic and skilled. 1800 500 258.
Many women find survivorship a struggle, especially at first. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. Let us know how you get on. And you can always come here for a rant and a complain! Take care. K xox0 -
I am not sure I can explain this well enough so hope you can read around what I am trying to say about this.
I think over our lifetime pre breast cancer we built up stores of self confidence based around experiences we have had often involving interaction with others thru work , sport , social stuff including family. We grew to take for granted our invincibility.Yes I know we all get kicks along the way but fundamentally we develop self belief.
A cancer diagnosis drops the floor of confidence from under our feet and to rebuild it needs time and practice like a child learning to walk. It also needs acceptance of our new normal - be it scars , aches and pains , and even ongoing medical monitoring etc.
In the initial stages of this “repair “ work we are quite needy requiring more from family and friends . To family and friends we look the same and talk the same but we are no longer the same person we were pre diagnosis as the stuffing has been knocked out of us.That is where this blog and support groups can help as we can share with others who understand this.
A child starts out in life vulnerable and dependent but over time grows in confidence thru experiences which often include a lot of practice with falls and fumbles along the way. We can too.
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Ugh I wrote a much longer thing responding to Zoffiel and others and it cut off after one line ! Damn. Sorry about that. Technology fail!0
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Well said romla it is a bit like that.0
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romla love that explanation....
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Ok - if we know why this happens to us have you got either ideas or tips that you have used to get thru the first few months until we start to get back on our feet.
I found the endorphins released by a one hour walk helps with the blues . I became involved for a while with a local support group as well as did the YWCA’s Encore hydrotherapy course both of which put me in contact with others who had had a breast cancer diagnosis. I also became an active participant on this blog trying to help others.I joined a local gentle exercise class which as well as helping joint pain has introduced me to a lot of new people whom I may not have talked much to before as they are a bit older than me. Old age might turn the hair grey and the joints a bit stiff but I have found them interesting ,lively and on occasions very funny.
I firmly believe I needed to look outside myself and no it wasn’t easy to start this - meeting strangers alone when I was low was hard. I was lucky to find people who recognised this and accepted me as I was and am.But we need to try because no one else can do this for us.
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totally agree Romla
I did encore then I found out our local bc nurse had started a support group now I am secretary to that group. I am very active on here. I have done a BC exercise group that our local exercise physiologist has going .... I have 2 groups I admin on Facebook for BC and I have 2 groups here I facilitate with others.....
Like you said some of the older ladies have been my stabilizing supports as I learnt to know the new me and what is normal after BC, Their openness and at times bluntness have been both engaging and funny. I also sought help from a psychologist as I knew I was really struggling and in a dark place.
What are others doing ?1 -
I was declared free of cancer last week but the physical damage hasn't even peaked. How do you tell anyone that your cancer has gone with a smile on your face???
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I've been worried about this time since I was diagnosed.
I am keeping a running list on my phone onto which I add every idea of what would make me happier/calmer/more fulfilled/fitter etc etc the moment I think of it. No more putting off my life plans until 'one day'. When I finish treatment I will start exploring each one, money permitting.
I am also seeing a psychologist to help me through which I'm finding very helpful.
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