Caught in the middle

Hi ladies all ages, I feel,in the middle at 38 Ns am learning no matter what age we all,have different lives but this crap hits us all quite similar. I feel sad for any women of any age going through this hell BC journey. Thanks for sharing as now I feel I can!!!! My labido is dying due to pre menopause, stress, fatigue, Breast surgery,cancer, medication..........where does it end. Ha ha after both hubby and I have been fixed for last 5 yrs, me hysterectomy at 33, oh joy barrier methods, "ah what are they I ask "my hubby laughed when the Dr replied condoms. Just when life was already complex. My private swells and aches and I agree our bodies are testing to the max. Damn hormones. Oh yes I surely relate to the mood swings, brain what brain, Darlene, Mum who is she. I just pray for this crap to be over for all of us as soon as damn possible. We all deserve to be healthy happy and horny hee hee. Take care my thoughts with you all Cheers Darlene

Hi AlyB,

I was diagnosed with BC 4 years ago at the age of 48.- So like you, I felt a bit old for this group- but as you have found out through all this discussion that it is great to get some things off your chest, to know that you are not the only one out there battling these emotions and physical side effects,  and to hear other womens stories.  I really hit this year running- and have felt like I am now back at the level I was prior to being diagnosed.  So dont be too hard on yourself or bow to how others think you should be feeling or what you should be doing.  I did see an psychologist who was atttached to an Oncolgy unit- she was great- and really helped with the emotion side of things- I really do think the cancer and being catapulted into menopause does mess with your head!

All the best with your recovery

Love

Carolyn

I think you'll find a balance. Me, personally? I have gone with the attention to making memories and not sweating the big stuff. At the same time my kids have learned they can't always participate in things they want, and that I'm not always well enough to be their taxi, housekeeper and even mother at times. My husband is still learning that I'm not an ox that just keeps on going anymore (not that I haven't tried). When your body needs to rest it needs to rest. I got sick over Easter with a bug and ended up in hospital...which sucked as I really don't like hospitals much these days. It's hard to keep the morbid thoughts at bay, but we've got to give it a red hit go. Lisa xx

I guess in part my problem is compounded by guilt- I am human- I need to discuss, to complain, to express my fears and frustrations yet every time I vent I feel guilty because my problems are so trivial to others who have been dealt tougher cards. I am alive, I have a supportive family, I still enjoy my work. I just wish I appreciated more what I had before. I morn the opportunities I frittered away when I was sure I was going to live much longer. The hard part is reconciling the desire to live for today with the need to keep everything normal for my family. How do you balance your goals? Do I save to provide for my children's future or spend to create memories? I constantly question how to maximise the time I have left on this crazy planet.

Hi AlyB.

I am 45 yrs and was diagnosed in March 2013. I started 6 months of chemo 27 days later, had a mastectomy in November, then 6 weeks of radiation at the beginning of this year. I have zoladex injections every 30 days (for 2 years), I am scheduled for a hysterectomy in July this year and am on tamoxifen until surgery, then femara for 10 years. Not forgetting the tests/scans every 12 weeks because I have 'suspicious' spots on the liver.

And yep, I was thrown into a medically induced menopause. A little teary at times for no apparent reason, although we've all gone through a fair amount of shite, so I feel that we have every reason to shed a little tear now and then.

I was a D cup and had my left breast removed. No reconstruction at this stage - not until all my other surgery dates anyhow. So it can get really depressing trying to find something to wear that doesn't accentuate my uneven chest. My hair has grown back an odd colour of grey, blonde and light brown and is curly. I lost some nails during chemo, and my two big toe nails are still trying to grow.

As for my libido, well, there is none. So frustrating when you want some intimacy with your partner and dispite all attempts, nothing works. And your right Roslyn, no one seems to talk about it. It;s written in the literature, but never discussed.

But we still plough on. I hold a demanding full time job, I also run the administration/bookkeeping side of my partner's business after hours and I maintain our home, cook, clean, shop & help raise my partners 14 yr old son.

Two things I did learn is that I am stronger than I ever thought I would be and I am loved more than I ever knew. Some people spend their whole lives searching for this kind of affirmation, so for this I am grateful. I hope you can find some positives too.

Love & hugs,

Kerry xo

 

Hi AlyB.

I am 45 yrs and was diagnosed in March 2013. I started 6 months of chemo 27 days later, had a mastectomy in November, then 6 weeks of radiation at the beginning of this year. I have zoladex injections every 30 days (for 2 years), I am scheduled for a hysterectomy in July this year and am on tamoxifen until surgery, then femara for 10 years. Not forgetting the tests/scans every 12 weeks because I have 'suspicious' spots on the liver.

And yep, I was thrown into a medically induced menopause. A little teary at times for no apparent reason, although we've all gone through a fair amount of shite, so I feel that we have every reason to shed a little tear now and then.

I was a D cup and had my left breast removed. No reconstruction at this stage - not until all my other surgery dates anyhow. So it can get really depressing trying to find something to wear that doesn't accentuate my uneven chest. My hair has grown back an odd colour of grey, blonde and light brown and is curly. I lost some nails during chemo, and my two big toe nails are still trying to grow.

As for my libido, well, there is none. So frustrating when you want some intimacy with your partner and dispite all attempts, nothing works. And your right Roslyn, no one seems to talk about it. It;s written in the literature, but never discussed.

But we still plough on. I hold a demanding full time job, I also run the administration/bookkeeping side of my partner's business after hours and I maintain our home, cook, clean, shop & help raise my partners 14 yr old son.

Two things I did learn is that I am stronger than I ever thought I would be and I am loved more than I ever knew. Some people spend their whole lives searching for this kind of affirmation, so for this I am grateful. I hope you can find some positives too.

Love & hugs,

Kerry xo

 

Oh yes, nothing like those extra inches around ones middle and no matter what you do it doesn't go anywhere! Good grief it's crap. Actually my biggest whinge at the moment is my hair. I had thought it was returning straight...but alas I have been smashed with the chemo curls. It feels like a shag pile rug! I live in the snowy mountains of nsw, and luckily with winter approaching I should be able to keep a beanie on my head for a while. Where are you two? In regards to the tamoxifen I'm taking. I found it quite hard when I started. Hot flushes got worse and I wanted to knock myself off. Now after a few months it has settled a bit. Well, settled a lot more than I expected. My mood swings aren't as offensive either...though my husband may disagree. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and tackling each day head on. It's crap what has happened, awful having extra bits that don't feel right, or bits gone altogether, but it is what it is. And if all else fails, champagne with a buddy helps, though doesn't help the hot flushes. Hugs. Lisa xx

You made me tear up- finally some ladies that don't make me feel out of sync with the breast cancer world! Hot flushes, weight gain in new places, tearing up unexpectactly. Trying to learn who the new me is yet not sure how much of new me is due to arimidex and how much of that person will remain after the drugs finish in 5 years or so.

Hi AlyB, Sorry that you had to join us, but welcome. :) I'm 44, diagnosed 10 months ago, right mastectomy and reconstruction, chemo 3FEC and 3Docetaxel, then 25 radiation sessions which I fought against and now tamoxifen. What a bloody nightmare 10 months. I have 4 kids aged 11,9,7 and 5 as well, so basically spend all of my time trying to appear normal for them. I get the don't feel right thing. It's very hard to put into words isn't it? I did hate the tamoxifen but it is getting easier. Glad to hear you're doing ok on it too Phoebe. It does feel weird to not quite fit into the groups, as the young girls seem so young and the older group so old and far removed from where you're at. I don't really know the answer. I joined the gym a few weeks ago and got a weights program to get my muscles working again. While I feel good doing it, I am so self conscious about my weird chest shape...one perky reconstructed boob and one that's fed 4 children. Am over bras not fitting and hurting but feeling like everyone can tell when I don't have one on...(my husband assures me they can't...but not sure I trust his judgement on that one). It's such a roller coaster isn't it? You go through all this stuff, survive the treatment and they tell you to go back to your normal life. What the hell was normal? Toss menopause into the ring and it's like you have ten personalities in one day sometimes! I hate that even though I ended up menopausal after 5 chemo cycles, I still have the same cyclic pain and cramps and demeanour. Enough already!!!! Maybe we can all support each other? The old young girls!!! Hugs to you both. Lisa

hi AlyB,

Im Phoebe, and am a 43and a half year old who was diagnosed 2 years ago. i underwent a mastectomy of the left breast and currently still going through reconstruction. i am currently on Tamoxifen,which l coping okay with. would like to hear back from you to share