Caught in the middle

Hi AlyB, Sorry that you had to join us, but welcome. :) I'm 44, diagnosed 10 months ago, right mastectomy and reconstruction, chemo 3FEC and 3Docetaxel, then 25 radiation sessions which I fought against and now tamoxifen. What a bloody nightmare 10 months. I have 4 kids aged 11,9,7 and 5 as well, so basically spend all of my time trying to appear normal for them. I get the don't feel right thing. It's very hard to put into words isn't it? I did hate the tamoxifen but it is getting easier. Glad to hear you're doing ok on it too Phoebe. It does feel weird to not quite fit into the groups, as the young girls seem so young and the older group so old and far removed from where you're at. I don't really know the answer. I joined the gym a few weeks ago and got a weights program to get my muscles working again. While I feel good doing it, I am so self conscious about my weird chest shape...one perky reconstructed boob and one that's fed 4 children. Am over bras not fitting and hurting but feeling like everyone can tell when I don't have one on...(my husband assures me they can't...but not sure I trust his judgement on that one). It's such a roller coaster isn't it? You go through all this stuff, survive the treatment and they tell you to go back to your normal life. What the hell was normal? Toss menopause into the ring and it's like you have ten personalities in one day sometimes! I hate that even though I ended up menopausal after 5 chemo cycles, I still have the same cyclic pain and cramps and demeanour. Enough already!!!! Maybe we can all support each other? The old young girls!!! Hugs to you both. Lisa