My long suffering shrink, generally refered to as 'That poor woman'' came into my life following my first head on with BC over a decade ago. I wanted to see a mental health professional like I wanted to contract anthrax, but she has been incredibly useful. When I had to go through it all again in 2016, I found her number and booked another appointment.
Like you, my back story has some things lurking in it I'd rather not keep looking at. Three's nothing like a life threatening illness, loss of body parts and treatment that brings you to the point of death to let the gremlins out of the box. I was prepared to be asked all manner of probing questions --expected to be made to bare my soul and it wasn't like that at all. Yes, as the relationship progressed, I did throw some pretty dark stuff at her, but it was such a relief the get it out of my head. It was getting pretty crowded in there.
What I did come away with was a series of coping mechanisms. The one I find most useful is to look at the rolling Trainwreck that BC can be and think 'isnt that interesting?' Because it is. If I mentally pick up the individual elements of what is distressing me, examine them and put them down again I can distract myself and focus on one thing at a time. It's a diversionary tactic which helps me calm down.
Once you accept that you can't really change things it's common to have a meltdown. You may never have another, which would be just splendid. Good luck and keep plodding forward. MXX
