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Sister's avatar
Sister
Member
6 years ago

Positivity

I have been reflecting on positivity and what it means to me.  I know that the word gets thrown around with fervour or with scorn but I'm feeling a little philosophical, so here goes...

I think there is are two major types of positivity (and maybe more but it's 7am on a work morning so I've not explored too deeply).

The one I subscribe to is the belief that I can get up in the morning and go about my day, knowing that I can navigate the difficulties ahead, maybe having to change my compass reading if need be, and stay whole at the end of it.  This requires me to expect to be treated with respect and if not, to demand it.  It also requires me to have understanding of what other people may be facing.  I lose my positivity when those bearings are out.  It doesn't mean that I expect that things will always go well for me.  

The other positivity is the raa-raa kind (and I mean no disrespect here).  It is the one that says if I believe that the power of thought is all-healing, it will be, and that somehow the universe will hear me and reward me.  For some, that is what they subscribe to but I cannot believe in that.

I do think that self-belief will make me feel better and feeling better will in turn, make me a healthier, happier person given the parameters that I'm working in, but I don't think that it is some magic wand.

I am hoping that this post doesn't turn "fighty" or with people being offended or feeling under attack.  I am genuinely interested in your opinions on this and I'm hoping that it might also be of interest to others.
coping
  • Zoffiel's avatar
    Zoffiel
    Member
    6 years ago
    Last time I was in Melbourne for an appointment (eye surgery) I was struggling back to Spencer street on a tram, complete with backpack and eye patch, and a school girl got up and offered me a seat. I was charmed. Then a heavily pregnant woman with a toddler got on, I stood up and offered her my seat. The other 45 school brats kept chatting and texting.
    I guess we take the wins where we can and have to make decisions about need as we encounter each situation. Mxx
  • iserbrown's avatar
    iserbrown
    Member
    6 years ago
    Today, trip to Melbourne to see Oncologist.  Board crowded tram and kind gentlemen gives up his seat for me - now is that a positive or a negative - I thanked him and laughed to myself - am I old and he was being kind or am I just looking frazzled because of where I was going, Oncologist!  Decided it was a positive as the ride was comfortable being seated and there are some kind people out there after all!
  • arpie's avatar
    arpie
    Member
    6 years ago
    Positivity?   I think we've all had our 'positivity' tested in recent months/years - ever since diagnosis really ..... 

    Sometimes you just have to fake it til you make it, even tho it can be difficult at times.  Coming from a crap sleep & 24/7 pain can make it difficult to maintain that level of positivity - even tho I am by nature a very positive person. 

    I do find that being kept really busy helps me (like when I am fishing or with my uke group) as it pushes most negative thoughts out of my mind.

    Anything that allows you to remain relatively optimistic for the future, I reckon, is Positivity! 

    All the best & Have a good weekend, everyone xx
  • Sister's avatar
    Sister
    Member
    6 years ago
    Yes, it can get a bit woo woo, can't it?  (That's like raa raa but a bit different.)  Although, I think that this brand of positive thought is what gets some through the day.  I think for some, it gives something to focus on.  I guess the sort I aspire to and hope to maintain is a positive realism.  I think if I didn't, I just wouldn't leave the house.  It's about believing that I can face the world and negotiate my way through any difficulties (though that can be a bit shaky, these days).  It's about knowing that I'm here, I'm alive and I'm doing what I can to make it good. 

    I've always subscribed to the theory that as a day to day thing, you can choose to feel happy or you can choose to be miserable.  I have found over the years that it works as a rule though it has been sorely tested over recent times.  I'm not meaning that I hear really bad news and decide to be happy about it...it's more along the lines of something not going quite my way and choosing not to dwell on it.  And sometimes it can feel like a physical adjustment to make it happen.  


  • Zoffiel's avatar
    Zoffiel
    Member
    6 years ago
    It's funny how polarising some words can be. Positivity is a beauty, it's right up there with journey when it comes to trigger points.
    As you say @sister, you have several  interpretations and there will be dozens of others. I think it's a crappy made-uppy word that isn't a verb or a noun; its a symbol of the Woo phenomenon and I blame social media. So there. Sometimes if there is not an existing definition for a perceived situation someone invents one. Wellness:/

    Poets used to try to describe the fleeting feeling of well being and happiness that could be generated by  observing a perfect flower dancing in a gentle breeze. There was a general understanding that a feeling of satisfaction was good. Now there seems to be an expectation it can be ordered  as required. No flower or breeze? Here, have a meme instead. All better now? You should be. Don't be ungrateful.

    Does feeling better make you better? Maybe. It's probably preferable to being miserable, if only because it makes life easier for those who have to deal with you. MXX
  • kmakm's avatar
    kmakm
    Member
    6 years ago
    Beautifully put @Sister, and well reflected on @iserbrown.

    I wrote about this yesterday on another thread. For me positivity is something I can sometimes manage within the framework of realism. BC has caused me to lower my sights considerably. Like you @Sister I can be positive about managing my daily activities, that the dinner I'm making will be tasty, that I can make sure everyone has clean clothes etc. Beyond that I don't feel positive about anything much and that's something I'm working on with my psychologist. I don't feel certain about my ability to cope with any more disaster. But I suppose when it occurs I shall have to go through it, positivity or not. That's realism for me.

    My BC experience has reframed my concept of positivity into mindfulness, staying present, reining in expectations, and focussing on enjoying the simple pleasures of the moment. These are concepts, ways of being, with which I am now more comfortable.

    Great topic. K xox
  • iserbrown's avatar
    iserbrown
    Member
    6 years ago
    Waking up pain free is a positive that I thought had eluded me but finally it has arrived! Yay!  It's been 4 years since I started this BC path and a few other hiccups turned in as well as!  

    Positivity is a word used to encourage but for me it is just about the everyday.  When you have been hamstrung for so long as a result of treatment the word positive comes into play that most wouldn't consider it even part of the thought process!  It has a different thought process for us mostly and I don't subscribe to the ra ra of anything - I am too practical for that but having said that it works for some and if it does that is good for them!

    Interesting topic that I have just rambled on a bit as I sit here having a late breakfast reading the forum.

    Look forward to comments and if needed I will put a more depth into the question.
     
    I think in this process positivity and negativity are two words that we wrangle with, mood, pain, treatment, scans et cetera all form our view

    Take care