Hi @bell59,
It's all such a shock isn't it and the ride is so fast as we do this and that on the so called ' journey'. (Hate the word journey). Emotionally It's hard to keep up with it all too. So glad you joined this group. They are great and we can say what we want or need to.
I am 58 and currently just finished chemo and radium. I am about to go on AIs. I am reasonably fit and look good too so people tell me. Actually they said that during the whole chemo radium thing as well. But no one knows what goes on inside our heads and while friends mean well sometimes it's hard to talk to them about how we feel. It's good you are seeing a professional. I did as well and checking in here is definitely the way to go too as everyone gets it.
Are you into meditation or mindfulness? That can help as well as your exercise.
I think we all fear or return. I have thought about it as well. I don't dwell on it but I guess at times it is there. I think most of us have thought about it. For me I walk, keep busy, meditate, cook read, draw, watch movies whatever will distract me. There is no right or wrong but just whatever works.
Hope you have a good day 💐