Having one of those days or 2.........

Hi Melissa   I was diagnosed in May, 2 weeks after losing my Mum to Ovarian Cancer.  Im struggling with my thoughts..anxiety and depression.  2 new words that I have never lived with before. Im 52, have always been so on the go..racing against the clock,so active, running my own business, running two houses etc etc.  Now Ive closed my business temporarily and when I look at the clock, I wonder what Ive done over the past hour or so.  Night times Im now awake every night at 3am on the knocker...and I lie awake till 6 or 630am with my heart pounding out of my chest, scared.  I have an amazing husband and family but I know I havnt coped well over the past 2 months.  After a right mastectomy, then back in for axillary clearance..then "choosing" my treatment path...it all happened so quick I feel I havnt had time to really take it all in.  Im scared of the future and scared when I think of the past few months.  I hope in time it will get better and easier to adjust to my new "normal life".  Im hoping to start up my business, on a very part time scale in the next few weeks. I marched myself into my GP last week and now Im off to get help with my depression and anxiety.  I also have a diary, which I started on my first day of diagnosis.  I dont like re-reading it as some of things that have gone through my head have been very dark at times, but it has helped me to "unload". Meditation looks to be also on the cards for me, may as well give it a go!  Things happen so fast with BC, I think thats part of the processing problem.  I am starting to get "glimpses" of normal. Hopefully over time there will be "normal" rather than cancer thoughts taking up so much space.  I can relate so much to your post.  The mind is so powerful and can drag us down so heavily.  Wishing you all the best on your journey, you are not alone.