Feeling anxious need some positive stories

Since my diagnosis I have met quite a few women who have reached the 20+ year mark. One lady was diagnosed at 27 while pregnant. She was one of the first women to have chemo while pregnant. That ‘baby’ is now 23 and both he and his Mum are very healthy. Another lady diagnosed while in her early 30’s is also 23 years down the track with no recurrence. A family friend diagnosed 25 years ago has never looked back despite a very poor prognosis at the time. At the BCNA summit last year I sat next to a lady who is 30 years cancer free.

I myself had 6cm of ductal carcinoma (hormone positive) and 5 positive nodes (one with 7mm tumor). No clear margin between cancer and chest wall despite a mastectomy. Almost 5 years later I have just had another oncologist checkup and all is well. I too have had my ovaries removed since treatment. 

It is tough to find a way forward and to live well with that possibility of recurrence a very real one. My way is to accept that it is a possibility but to tell myself that I have done all that is medically recommended. To further help my mindset I live a healthy, active lifestyle as I believe (backed up by my oncologist) that this can make a difference. Then I tell myself there is no point to giving it too much more of my thinking time. 

I think it is normal for us to have moments of ‘what if’ but if those feelings are taking over then talking to a professional can be very helpful. Cancer has taken up enough of our life during active treatment, sometimes we need some support to put it behind us - where it belongs. We all have a lot of living to get on with. Wishing you all the best with your ovary surgery. I am sure it will get easier once that is out of the way. Thinking back I was all over the place emotionally before getting mine out too! Take care. Deanne xxx

@lgray3911 What others have said!  Thinking of you.

Acknowledge how you feel and understand it is OK to be frightened. We do our best to keep it all together but the tension simmers underneath regardless of how hard you try to put a lid on it. Even if we play mental sleight of hand games with ourselves, the monster is still under the bed.
I refuse to keep anniversaries or keep track of the BC calendar any more. It does my head in. I've got people congratulating me on getting through the first year and it makes me want to see scream. I made it through 10 years NED then whammo...So, no more counting now. One less thing to stress about.
Concentrate on now, today, the moment you are in is the only truth for any of us. If you are sad, accept it. You have a right to your own grief and fear, but you will not feel like that forever.  Some little thing will make you smile and the spell can be broken. Just. Like. That. Mxxx

hi @lgray3911

@SoldierCrab
@iserbrown
@Nadi
@adean
@melclarity 
@nikkid 
I'm  sure you ladies can share your experience in recovery.

It's quite normal to feel very emotional after the whirlwind of surgery and chemo.  It's only after you take the time to breathe and really think about ...what if?

I felt like this. My herceptin was stopped early due to heart issues. I was very fearful if it returned...well what treatment can I actually have?  In the end I just chose to believe I was cancer free. It was the only way I could pick up the pieces of  my life and start living again. Is that  guaranteed?  No. There are so many variations and we just don't know  which women will have cancer return. No predictor can tell you that. What kept me going was my niece who was your age when she developed her2 bc. 10 positive nodes out if 20. She remains cancer free 15 years on. Her youngest just turned 18. 

So acknowledge you are scared. Let the tears flow. Acknowledge your  loss...grieve for your old safe life, your loss of your breasts, your loss of your ovaries. You have the right to feel sad. You will move forward.  It just takes time. And every now and then those fears will reappear. This is all normal too. I saw a counsellor for a few sessions after treatment. It just helped me accept its ok and allowed me to move on. 

Dear Igray3911
With what you have been through, it is little wonder that (apparently without warning) your head just goes "Know what? Not playing any more!!". It's as much overdue reaction as anything else, but some anxiety about what next is pretty natural too. We mostly try to deal with it all - meaning we keep up an "in control" message for ourselves, our families, even our medicos! And just occasionally the tiger gets out.

Do whatever you need - howl, kick something inanimate, write it down (helped me). Then take a deep breath - the illusion that our lives will all run to plan has been taken away from you, and that's hard and unpleasant. But it is also an illusion. And how did you face losing that illusion? With determination and guts. And you will find that determination and resolve again, it's just slipped a little. 

I only had a single mastectomy and my ovaries are still there but node activity and oestrogen positive. I am past my 5 years, and I am fine. Yes, I think what if from time to time but it gets less. 

Best wishes.