Fear of recurrence

@Zoffiel  sorry to hear you had to do this twice
I’m not soft in the head but I do suffer from extreme anxiety and probably border line hypochondriac so working out the difference between normal aches and not normal is difficult and sometimes I wonder if my anxiety makes everything hurt more
anyway this is something I am working on

on top of that trying to understand how long my breast and armpit should be sensitive and sore after surgery and Rad,s
my mind like to run and create scenarios why I’m experiencing the sensations and they are never good

I do try and imagine the me in 10 years healthy and cancer free and what advice that future me would give myself 
and I know it would say don’t waste the life you have stressing out and start living

anyway peace and love x

@primek
wow! You’re Amazing to stay strong and finish your assignment 
under that condition well done and congratulations on being 4 years cancer free

thank you for your kind words and I’m hoping  after my First mammogram Since treatments and surgery if all goes well my anxiety can be put on a shelf for a while so I can get back to work and my life 😊

HI @2MC
Anyone who did not have any concerns about this wretched disease stalking them could possibly be, in the words of my terribly un-PC and long dead grandmother, soft in the head. The degree of concern varies from person to person, but doesn't that apply to all aspects of out lives that qualify as threats?

The joys of 2020 have revealed exactly how cavalier some folk can be in the face of what others consider desperate circumstances. And how different we can be. 'Nah, it's not a thing' vs 'I refuse to leave the house until it's all over' Both responses to the same situation. Folk are strange.

I had a recurrence (after 10 years) and it was bloody horrible but I'd stopped obsessing about my disease at about the five year mark post first diagnosis. Prior to that, I was totally convinced it was going to kill me. Looking back, that was a significant waste of limited energy and resources, but there was no way I could have switched off. And nothing that was going on my head would have made any difference to the eventual outcome.

Four years after BC V2, I'm still not mentally 'over it' but I try to moderate my responses to every miniscule ache and pain. It's a pretty steep learning curve, but you do start to know what to mention to your GP (pretty much everything) and when you should push the panic button.

Will there be a BC V3 for me? Who knows; I won't spend every waking moment stressing about something that may, or may not, happen. Of course I think about it, I'd be soft in the head if I didn't, but I try to keep that noise down a bit if I can. 

Hang in there. You are not on your own. Mxx

I think even the most resilient of people would have experienced some ongoing anxiety after that experience.
I'm over 4 years on after treatment and found some lumps in my forearm. Of course I was certain it was mets so opted to not get tested until I finished my last assignment for my uni study. Sounds weird I know...but I know how hard that initial stage of testing is etc and I just wanted to finish...cancer already put me behind 4 years. So in that 3 weeks of course z
I was constantly feeling the lumps which turned out to just be fatty lipomas...why are they there..who knows? Anyways...perfectly normal response and I'm so happy you had a good outcome.

@FLClover
I’m sorry you have also had to live with this condition 
in my day you didn’t talk about feeling different or strange and my panic attacks where experienced but not shared
I’ve stayed strong on my own for so long until I met my Husband and Best Friend 
I’m glad at 47yo I had the good sense to reach out for psychological help during treatment 

@2MC Oh my, it really has been a rough year for you. No wonder you have so much anxiety. I’m so sorry about your dad and your dog, my deepest condolences ❤️. And I hope whoever did that to your dog gets their karma. 

Many of us will be glad to see the back of 2020! We are all glad to be of any help at all, but your own determination and strength will win the day. 

@FLClover
oh I’m so happy you are in a great space now 
that’s fantastic!
I was and will do everything to get back there. I really want to enjoy Christmas this year 
The beginning of 2020 I lost so much 
cancer diagnosis in January my Dad passed from cancer in February and someone baited and killed  my much loved dog in September 
things can only get better..right 🙏🏻

@Locksley
thank you!  living with health and death anxiety since I was a young teen was difficult enough 
my councillor was amazing and said I was doing so well considering facing  my cancer journey.
somedays it isn’t easy to stop the mind from getting busy.
yes I agree all those lovely ladies that are so quick to help and offer support are amazing and so strong to help other when they are going through their own journey 
@Afraser has been a constant and and I have so much respect for her and her advice x

You’re very welcome @Locksley! I’m just glad it’s helping someone 💖.