Coping with emotions
No doubt the rollercoaster of emotions hits us all , and finding ways to pick up after a melt down which comes and goes is becoming easier. I allow myself 24 hours when I hit bottom and then push back up as I know the emotional exhaustion makes it harder for me to stay strong physically and mentally . The days when newly diagnosed , to the many test , surgery and the news just goes from bad to worse , getting hopes up and finding out its worse then expected is horrible . So I learned to expect the worst so that there was no emotional shock to the system , and if good news comes then its party time . Being prepared is better than just dealing as it comes for me anyway . so after 2 months of back and forth , I am only at the certainty that I am having a double mastecomy and auxilliary removal in a few weeks, once pathology comes back yet again, the rest will again be determined and it has changed many times ! I ahve been told no chemo only ovary supression and aromotase inhibitor, then told maybe chemo , no radiation still full hormone supression . So I guess I have now resigned to the usual wait and see again , once the final pathology after the major surgury is though . Today I hit bottom as the mastecomy is only a few weeks away, and though I though I was prepared it hit me . so after falling in a heap in tears and anger and despair, I sat in the sun and wrote this little poem as a way to cope and it picked me up and I fee strong again ...well for today that is . Just thought I would share and maybe finding a way to express yourself can help you too. The I posted a status on face book :
Dear boobies ,
In a few weeks I say goodbye ,
You’ve served well for 36 years
You’ve nourished my kids
And been annoying tits
You’ve also bought me pleasure
And been a great radar for the weather
Bra shopping was arghh
Swimwear was farrrkk
A part of my natural femininity , my womanhood ,
Proudly a part of me you stood ...
But your trying to kill me now
So please take a bow
It’s time for you to go
No more little cancer seeds will you sow
I will stand proud and tall
Without you I will not fall ,
You do not define me ,
Sexy and feminine I will always be ...
I don’t need you any longer
And saying goodbye will only make me stronger .
At the end of the day your just flesh
And I am more important and I think I’m pretty spesh...
I have many dreams yet to be fulfilled ,
So fight you with all I have ,I will !
...
so on your bike little boobies of mine
It’s time for me to fight ,to live yet a long time ...
Poem written by me 
