Mum recently diagnosed

Oh dear that is really sad news.
But your mum is lucky  to have you there for her.
Take care and virtual hugs.🌺

Oh gosh, my heart is breaking for you.  You are being the most wonderful, supportive daughter ..... and good on you.  xx  You are carrying a very heavy burden ... and I 'get it' as I am in a similar situation - but with my husband.   It is tough.  I hope you have really good friends & other family around you for support, too.  The palliative care people are REALLY lovely - and have counsellors if you need to talk to someone to help you cope too.  They also have volunteers who will sit with your Mum when you need a break, as she becomes more vulnerable and they will also provide equipment (wheelchairs etc) as you need them.   I know your Mum will enjoy her garlic seafood lunch and Baileys on ice YUM! .. and spending time with you on Xmas Day - make memories ... 

Take care and we are all thinking of you xx

Hey all, 

It's been quite some time since i checked in. Mum had a couple of different types of IV chemo, the last one being gemcitabine and it made her incredibly ill and didn't do a thing for her cancer marker. In 8 weeks it went from 220 to 2700. I'm not really sure what those numbers mean but mum has decided to stop all treatment and will be meeting with a palliative care team in December. 

I knew this day would come i guess i just thought it wouldnt be so soon. 

We are now getting her affairs in order and I'm trying to be there for her as much as possible. 

She seems to be up and down emotionally which is totally understandable. But shes a very stoic woman and hasnt cried or anything (shes not the type to lean on someone) more of a factual, well this is happening type. 

I can sense shes feeling guilt and probably regret just in the way she had said some things and in usual mum fashion when i offer to do things for her she asks me why I'm doing it 🤣 to help you silly. Shes the most stubborn, independent woman I've ever known and i take after her in that way and I made sure i told her how much i admire her "i don't need no man to do anything for me" attitude, shes so headstrong and we have butted heads 1000s of times over the years for it. I wouldnt have it any other way. I mean that in an endearing way. 

I know when the time comes its going to break my heart but as long as she gets to go out peacefully and is as comfortable as possible thats all that matters to me. 

Ive also been very careful to try and not mother her too much because she is so independent but i do constantly remind her that I'm here and i will do whatever she needs help with. 

Yeah i don't really know what that whole post was about. Just a info dump/diary entry i guess. 

I dont know how much time mum has left but i do think this xmas will be her last so i will make sure she gets a garlic seafood lunch, with some baileys on ice and a good book to read (all of her favourite things) 

I hope everyone here is doing as well as can be expected. 

Welcome and don’t be afraid to ask questions. It’s a long road travelled and your mum will have to jump a few hurdles, so she’ll appreciate your helping hand... and arm... and shoulder, all the best to you and your mum

Dear @Formymum19,
It is great to hear from you.

from jennyss in Western NSW

September  2020  update. 
Mum has been on the same treatment since diagnoses and she was just told that she has multiple liver mets. So the treatment plan has changed to capecitabine and anastrozole. And see how she goes. He did say that usually the palbociclib she was on only usually works for 6 months and she got a year from that so thats a positive. 

The fact that he is going to try oral chemo before IV chemo is good, isnt it? 

I hope everyone is doing well. 

Dear @Formymum19
A ‘holiday’ may seem too much to plan ahead but a day out - at the sea, in the country, at some beauty spot - may be worth considering. Nature is a wonderful healer (have a look at the On Our Walks thread!) and several hours away, from normal day to day stuff on a bright, sunny day, can invigorate the senses and the mind. If nothing more, it’s good talking time. Best wishes.

ddon said:

I am not being negative, it’s just our reality. 

So, when she talks of not being here for things ahead just give her a hug and don’t brush it off with ‘of course you will be’ - she needs to be heard. 

All your responses were so lovely. This point in particular @ddon 

I hadn't considered it from her point of view, not to that extent i guess. I can't imagine how it feels not knowing whats next, it must be so scary. But i will do that next time. Mums not much of a affectionate person but I will just be there for her any way i can. 

Interestingly, one of the recognised side effects of PTSD from returning soldiers after WW1 (though of course it wasn't called PTSD back then) was the inability to plan anything for the future.  

@Formymum19  - that is terrific.  I can understand her reluctance to go away just now ..... in a funny way, I faced that 10 years ago when my husband had major cancer surgery & we both knew that 75% don't make it to 5 years with his condition & I sort of hunkered down, waiting for something bad to happen.  When it didn't - we started doing small trips, then went to NZ, then UK, then Mexico .... staying closer to home now tho.

Re your holiday with your Mum - get onto Otis Foundation and make enquiries (even for next year!) and you could have a lovely free holiday with your Mum and other family members!  I stayed at the Snowy Mountains last year & it was wonderful.
http://engonet-otis.azurewebsites.net/directory

As @kmakm says, our 'organising skills' changes a bit - but hopefully the further down the line we go, it will get easier to make those holiday decisions - even booking them 1 year ahead!

All the best for your Mum and you xx