I can't connect with my diagnosis..

Hi @Ellamary98 - I'm going through my first diagnosis with Breast Cancer and haven't been diagnosed with mets - definitely a raw deal for you there and with all the research and new treatments available I'm sending you lots of positive vibes....

What I can relate to, is a disconnection from your diagnosis and really wanting life to go on as normal. I was diagnosed in January with invasive lobular carcinoma and managed to get the A-OK to delay my surgery and treatment until April. Apart from the time that I was going through the staging scans (about a week), for most of those three months I just kept the BC diagnosis in the background, doing as much research as I could about what I'd be going through, but effectively just working, socialising and running my household as normal. The only people who knew about my diagnosis were my husband and kids (and they were all fine, because I was fine), one brother in law who is a doctor, one close friend who is a BC survivor and my manager at work. I didn't tell anyone else.

In fact, the most STRESSFUL time for me was a week before my surgery, when I had to let the cat out of the bag to the rest of the family and a whole heap of friends. I knew that a lot of people would react badly and that I would have to manage their fear just like you are dreading - all the while I was feeling absolutely fine, looking fine and doing fine! 

I sent out a text message and basically set the tone - using a bit of humour (started my text by telling people I had to get a couple of things off my chest) and laying down the law - didn't want to hear gloom and doom, don't contact me until you've had a chance to absorb this and deal with it and you're ready to be on Team Chirpy etc - it did have the desired effect and although there were a few people who dissolved in tears that I had to mop up, generally everyone is 'behaving' - at least to my face! hahahahah - I'm sure it's a different story behind my back!

You'll deal with this in your own time, your own space and your own way. Don't feel that a sense of calm is a bad thing - it's actually a gift. You're obviously pragmatic and you'll take one day at a time and one step at a time. 

Sending you lots of hugs xx

@Ellamary98 
Goodness sorry to hear where you are at!  
There are lots of good scouts on here that will support and make you laugh when needed.  As to where you are at perhaps consider taking on treatment et cetera without family and friends until such time as you're somewhere along the track, a little more in the acceptance mode.

Well meaning comments of family and friends and offers of support are appreciated however sometimes we feel like it is all about them and their reaction rather than about us.  

Take advantage of the BCNA website and grab some of the tools for coping with the well meaning and understanding of your diagnosis.  When I was diagnosed the Counsellor appointed to us suggested that we create a circle around us and have a gate keeper (my hubby) and keep the positivity around me.  Ring the BCNA helpline 1800 500 258

Take care

Hi @onemargie. That's great that you are 2 years cancer free! I never really stressed about having it return- not because I didn't think it could, but because there isn't a lot I could do to control that. My initial bc was stage IIIC, so I felt that I had dodged a bullet the first time around. Having said that, I think I was a bit complacent. I hated being on Tamoxifen and decided to take a couple of months off. The break did actually did reset some of the side effects, but now I am wishing that I had just stuck with it. I also missed an oncology check, and didn't have any blood tests for 18 months. When I finally went back, my markers were up. It does look as though the cancerous spots on my bones are about 12-18 months old, so I may have done myself a great disservice. Lots of specialists don't take tumor markers very seriously, but in my case they were certainly helpful. Maybe speak with your onc about 6 monthly blood tests if it reassures you. My friend had a very similar diagnosis to yours, and triple neg. She has been cancer free for 7 years now, and doesn't have blood tests.
The osteo is a pain for you! I really hated all the muscle soreness and weakness after chemo and the sudden menopause was just shitty! I all settled down though, and I'm sure it will for you too. I can't quite shake the brain fog! Thanks, Margie. Take good care of yourself. xxx

It’s scares me shitless that you didn’t have any symptoms @Ellamary98 and my oncol has stopped the three monthly bloods and says they aren’t necessary.  I was diagnosed may 2016 (triple neg stage 2a grade 3 no lymph nodes involved scans all clear) so 2 years cancer free for me But after reading your story I feel perhaps I should insist on them now.  He says tumor markers aren’t always a good indicator of disease . I have some osteo as a result of the chemo putting me into menopause and the oncolalways reassures me thats all it is and the symptoms have been the same all along   with that morning stiffness sometimes and sometimes it’s aggravated on a cold morning. So how the fuck are you supposed to know if the ugly fucker has raised its head again or not!!  I so wish you all the very best love and I hope the change of medication is kind to you too. Like you said you’ll be around for a long time yet. It’s reassurng to hear you are so positive about it. I think the counselling is a good idea you will know when the time is right for you with that. And yes @kmakm is always entertaining so is @Zoffiel. Always makes you laugh. That’s how I’ve got through all this shit too. Biggest hug. Margie xx. 

@Boobless2, Being proud of your children is definitely one of life's simple joys.It sounds as though you have a lot of blessings. :)

@arpie , You are right, it seems crazy to have everyone consider you ill and want to take care of you when in fact you feel just fine. I remember thinking that when I was first diagnosed and the machine that was my friendship group swooped in to look after us. I guess I am avoiding that this time round..It is not going to be all done and dusted in a few months, so I need to remain in charge. 
That must have been a shock for your friend- 15 years later! My other scans were clear too, thankfully.
I can see why you would email your friends. My siblings weren't happy about the text message, but I couldn't have faced 5 phone conversations..
Anyway, thanks for the supportive message. I hope that you are doing well. <3

Thank you Kiwi Angel and Ellamary. I know that grief comes in stages, and this diagnosis is definitely something to grieve about. But I think we will be up and down as we battle this monster. But I believe it’s good to enjoy life while we are feeling well and hope for the best. 

My my first breast cancer was in 1999. I had a lumpectomy, chemo, and radiotherapy. My son was 7 and he came to visit me in hospital after the surgery and asked if I was going to die.  ( my mother in law died from this when he was 2 months old and he knew about her ) . We were able to reassure him then.  He is now 26 years old and a beautiful man with the kindest heart, and he is a doctor doing surgical training. And my lovely daughter is a nurse and has 2 gorgeous sons. 
There has been so many good things. 

Ooh I'm so glad I made you laugh... I'm here all week, try the veal! *boom tish*