Year 4 done and dusted woot woot !!!

Soooooooooooo...Halloween was my 4th year anniversary NED!!!!! (A bit of a late post I know)

One more year and I get to be on the official stats :wink:

Finally, after seeing my BS the other week I get to have a whole 12months off before the next lot of scans! Which I am quite happy about given the last 18 months.

I am baulking on changing to the letrozole, actually, I am just not going to. I am hoping there will be a new doctor next time so I don't have to explain my "non compliance" to her. Lol

It's been a pretty good year (all 2020 catastrophies considered) and surprisingly I am keeping up with my "say yes to all invitions" which has obviously been a bit interesting with the whole COVID thing. Anyhow, I just got back from Fraser Island, which is one of the most stunning places to visit in the world I am sure, even if I did get mauled by sand flies at one campsite (bloody camping)!

I've had an interesting kind of restlessness over the last few months. Whilst I feel well and strong, apart from my toasted brain which is a bit concerning, I now find myself bored shitless with the sameness of everything, the mundane day to day. I guess it's still that mortality slap in the face hanging in there, looking for something more kind of thing. It's more frustration at not really knowing what to do about it.

I've taken up painting which I am enjoying. I'm renovating my bathroom (eek,,,huge job) and all the usual farm work, so I am busy but I'm missing some kind of something (not that I'm the kind of person that wants to go juming out of a plane or anything) In the words of Bruce Springstein, "I'm just tired and bored with myself" hahaha
Anyhooo, I guess I'll work it out at some stage.

I hope everyone is managing ok with whatever stage of this shit fight they're at and the train wreck that is 2020.

For those just starting out, keep breathing, keep going one foot in front of the other, you've got this, and you'll find a strength inside you never thought you had. Although you probably wont' realise it for a while.

For those in the midst of treatment, hang in there guys and keep those goal posts firmly in sight. Your getting closer every day.

For those that are beginning "survivorship".....this is what they didn't warn you about and they should have.

I'm going to split this into another post so this one doesn't become a "war and peace" and it's the long haul so I've found there's much to be learnt.

Lots of love to all and thank you to everyone who has listened, helped and guided over the last four years

Hugs to all
xoxoxo

survivorship

Afraser
Member
5 years ago
Nicely put @FLClover, the wish to ‘get back to normal’ assumes normal was good. Personally, I am not sure that stress or anxiety ‘cause’ cancer, but things that make your life unhappy are generally not good for us. Pre cancer, I had a good and happy life but seriously undercooked the work/life balance. Fixing that has opened up other doors. As @kezmusc says, small steps can add up to a lot. Best wishes.
kezmusc
Member
5 years ago
Thankyou @SoldierCrab
8 yrs wow. That's is excellent. So glad for you xoxoxo

@FLClover What you're feeling is very normal at that stage. The end of treatment is something we are so looking forward to and it is a surprise to feel worried about it finishing. It's also normal to assume you "did something" to cause it. Truth is you didn't. That fact is proven by the thousands of women and men fighting this disease from not so healthy to incredibly healthy lifestyles, the very young, the not so young and everybody in between from all different back grounds and lifestyles. Please don't think you did anything wrong.
I think if there is one thing I have learnt through all of this is it does give you a lot of motivation to actually change some of the things you weren't happy with. Because we now realise that life can change in the blink of an eye and there is no time to waste.
You won't change everything over night but if you try for one small thing at a time, they add up.
xoxoxoxoxo
SoldierCrab
Member
5 years ago
wow Kezmusc I am now 8yrs post diagnosis and doing well. Life is good.
awesome to see this ...
FLClover
Member
5 years ago
Interesting @kamada. I’m not done with my bc trip yet, but I’ve been living as if I have and have also felt restless lately. I came up with the same reasons that you did for it.
I also thought, I might be scared of having the final surgery as that would mean the end of the constant appointments with specialists and being ‘looked after’, and basically being left on my own again to resume a life I wasn’t (so) happy with previously. I guess I thought after ‘surviving’ this nightmare, the things I was unhappy about before would magically be fixed. And realising that they aren’t. The specialists fixed my cancer, I have to fix what probably caused it. And that’s quite a scary thought.
But as my psychologist reminded me, I’m a fighter, and I will continue to fight for a better life. That, according to me now, means renewing my love for myself and taking serious action to change situations I’m not happy with, move if I want to, buy and use special things for myself, have a hobby I love, deal with things differently, eliminate unnecessary guilt etc., and just enjoy being 🙂.
Here’s hoping it goes according to plan 🤞😊
kamada
Member
5 years ago
Congratulations @kezmusc! I wonder if that “some kind of something” you are missing is the necessity for the all-consuming effort it took to get you to this stage? Perhaps it left a vacuum and you haven’t had time to fully realize that the boring old ordinariness of your present life is actually exactly what you were fighting for all along? Perhaps accepting that a life that has been fought for so hard doesn’t necessarily have to be lived at the same intensity and will hopefully never have to have the same intense sense of purpose you have become used to will help dispel that vacuum and you will come to rejoice in having that very ordinary life because you know the lengths you were prepared to go to to preserve it. Just some thoughts from my own musings. Be kind to yourself as you go through this adjustment. 😘
PV123
Member
5 years ago
Congratulations @kezmusc and @Sister. So happy for you strong ladies.
kezmusc
Member
5 years ago
Congratulations @Sister that's awesome! <3 <3

@ddon They can't get rid of us that fast lol! xoxo
ddon
Member
5 years ago
@kezmusc and @Sister - you two give me hope. It’s encouraging to know you both had node involvement and are still here and well. Long may it continue!!
Sister
Member
5 years ago
Year 3 done in just over a week - follow-up appt with surgeon today and he's very happy with everything!
Sister
Member
5 years ago
I do remember showing people photos of Fraser Island creeks and them asking why I had photos of sand - the water is just so amazingly clear.

Great news about the scan and as for the Letrozole - it's always got to be your choice.

I know what you mean about the boredom. I get so tired but everything is so ho-hum...and if it's not, it's usually because someone has irked me big time.

Take care and enjoy the adventures!