DONE AND DUSTED

@Zoffiel, I'd say that there are many of us who would welcome a true and pithy (and even pissy) account of what our experiences are. Not all of us have had a bevy of Florence Nightingales administering  our chemo, some of mine were, shall we say, found wanting. I felt like just another sausage in the production line at times. My onco has a nickname...The Ice Princess. When I was beside myself with severe shoulder pain, she told me, and I quote, "I'm not interested in your boo hoo, poor little me sob story"..unquote. I haven't yet given her the flick, I'm waiting for her next bit of bullying at which point I'll load up and give her both barrels, and then tell her where and how to get off. We don't all portray serene, strong and inspiring role models to others not slugging along in our combat boots, along this Kokoda Trail that is out lot. Some of us weep, some rage and some just put one foot in front of the other and do the best we can. Our reality and coping strategies are just as valid as anybody elses. Instead of the occasional illicit ciggie, have you tried vaping? Much less damaging, far cheaper, and it doesn't leave you smelling like an ashtray. I read a quote somewhere and for me, it is very valid. It goes like this....Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "Holy Shit...what a ride!!!"  That it my philosophy too, not of us is getting out of this gig alive, so sometimes a little of what you fancy does you good, I reckon.

That's the ferry that chugs back and forth all day between Sorrento and Queenscliff. We've been surprised by how few people are down here. And yes, I'm a night owl too! K xox

@kmakm Loving the millionaire liner cruising past but you'd never see any boats anchored off our beach. Not many foot prints on yours. We get moonrises and sunrises out of the sea. Sunrise is not my time off day... ewww

@jennyss @iserbrown Wanting my mother has not been restricted to having cancer. For the first couple of years after she died I would go to call her. I felt terrible about the lack of empathy I had previously felt when my friends mothers had died. Mine was invincible and would go on forever...I never thought of her dead. None of us did. She had 11 children and dad vanished when number 11 was a babe in arms. We recovered and prospered under her care and guidance.

AWESOME @PatsyN  .... I just LOVE being on the water & have no trouble being out there for 6-8hrs (but I am fishing & am in a Pedal Yak!)  Let me know if you ever come down to Forster - I have a spare yak - we can hit the water together!   :) 

I hope you DO get your sea kayak eventually - but they are HUGE!!  Will you be able to manage the weight/manoeuvring to get it on the water?  hehe I haven't tried a SUP yet .... tried a Wind Surfer once in Fiji - the only way I could 'stop' was to deliberately fall off it!  (Not unlike my snow skiing experience!  LOL )

How amazing to ride your horse down the beach!  GO GIRL!

WOW!  Your daughter will be having a WTF moment in the Big Smoke - after coming from Byron!  LOL   They won't know what's about to hit them!  I hope she settles in well!!

LOVELY photo .... oooh, I see some rock fishos in the background!  ;)  

I finished my rads 2 weeks ago & will be discussing endocrine tablets in mid May ...... it is weird, isn't it?  This 'no man's land' that we are in!  

Take care xxx

@arpie I love, love kayaking. When I lived in Mullumbimby I always went in the Mullum to Bruns paddle and had the beautiful Brunswick River readily accessible. I sold my river kayak planning on buying a sea kayak but got diagnosed so put it off. We have some beautiful ti tree lakes, which are huge but they are about 5 minutes walk down the beach and with a kayak... I'd never make it. SUP makes me feel exposed and vulnerable, like being in a sports car with the roof off. But most of all I like to ride my horse along the beach (Tyagarah), a 5 minute float ride from his paddock.
This is our headland 10 minutes walk down the beach. This was taken at Easter with my youngest daughter. She's 20 and just moved to Sydney. She marvels at the skyscrapers and still doesn't know how to read the board in a lift lobby. 

Hi @PatsyN
I totally get it. I finished chemo and still had to go back the  next week and have herceptin. Then 6 months on my herceptin was discontinued early.
That was it. No fan fare. No...you're cured. (My team never say that). No final scans...except to check my heart was okay after stopping. I was just scared. Felt adrift with no safety net. But slowly slowly I picked up pieces of my life. My energy and spark slowly returned and now 2 years on I have hope I am cured. Any guarantees? No never. But I feel I can at least have joy back in my life and make future plans again.
Currently  you are still healing...physically and emotionally. Forever changed.

Welcome to the new struggle of survivorship. For a SURVIVOR is now what you are. X

I second the sea therapy. I am by the sea at the moment and it has done wonders for me. In this weird time between chemo and the bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction, it has been a fillip for my soul. I went down to the beach yesterday evening, meditated and watched the sun go down. I'll think of you when I do the same tonight Patsy. K xox

message sent @Zoffiel

You have a lovely beach up there @PatsyN  -   it is usually very 'safe' - so enjoy it  .... have you ever tried a Stand Up Paddle Board (not that you HAVE to stand up!) or a kayak off the beach?  There is something just SO relaxing about being ON the water ..... I've just been out in my kayak today.  :) 

Hug your horse (give the dog a rest) LOL 

Take care xx