Fighting cancer, husband wants out, children taken away
Hi everyone,
I'm writing on behalf on my sister who is currently fighting cancer and is going through a very difficult time, a year and a half after her cancer diagnosis. This is her story.
Jane and John have been married for a number of years and have several children. There are tensions in the marriage, because John has a hands off attitude when it comes to parenting, whereas Jane believes some boundaries, like attending school, helping with chores, and a limit to computer gaming, are essential. Jane does most of the heavy lifting in the marriage, giving up her career. Jane, in addition, starts working several part time jobs while John goes through regular periods of unemployment.
The stress of this probably contributes to Jane's cancer diagnosis. After two surgeries and 6 months of chemo, Jane is taking hormone blocking medication and as luck would have it, is going through the most intense part of the menopause. Jane finds the stress (and the effects of the medication) too much and loses her temper a few times, while continuing to do the parenting on her own.
John, perhaps not sure whether he wants this burden, is undermining Jane. "People have put their lives on hold for you!". John encourages the children to rebel, and to secretly record Jane in order to "gather evidence". Over Christmas drinks, John arranges with his male police relative to launch a "family violence" order against Jane. Jane is forced to flee the house and has to move in with her elderly parents since she sold her pre marriage unit to fund her children's education. John launches divorce, violence and financial proceedings against Jane, claiming her remaining savings since he, he now claims, is the "family". He also bans any communication between Jane and her children and threatens her elderly parents to never see their grandchildren.
Jane faces court action, solicitors bills, police checks against her future employment and her cancer treatment, alone. She is not allowed to see or talk to her own children. Noone wants to hear Jane's story, the police don't speak to her, there is no institutional support. Jane and her elderly parents feel abandoned, intimidated and fearful of impending court actions.
Being on the other end of the world, I feel absolutely heartbroken not being able to be there for her and give her all the support she needs. She has spent all her life caring and providing for her children and her husband and now it all being taken away from her, at the time when she needs their support. The total injustice of it all infuriates me, especially him being able to manipulate the law and using it to his advantage, as well as totally ignoring the effects that cancer and the medications can have.
I understand that cancer takes its toll not only on the person affected but on the family as well, but surely there must be ways to protect those who are directly affected.
If any of you have any advice for her or can help with the emotional/psychological/legal aspects of it, or simply know someone who went through similar experiences - every little bit of help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for reading this and please take care of yourself and your loved ones.
I'm writing on behalf on my sister who is currently fighting cancer and is going through a very difficult time, a year and a half after her cancer diagnosis. This is her story.
Jane and John have been married for a number of years and have several children. There are tensions in the marriage, because John has a hands off attitude when it comes to parenting, whereas Jane believes some boundaries, like attending school, helping with chores, and a limit to computer gaming, are essential. Jane does most of the heavy lifting in the marriage, giving up her career. Jane, in addition, starts working several part time jobs while John goes through regular periods of unemployment.
The stress of this probably contributes to Jane's cancer diagnosis. After two surgeries and 6 months of chemo, Jane is taking hormone blocking medication and as luck would have it, is going through the most intense part of the menopause. Jane finds the stress (and the effects of the medication) too much and loses her temper a few times, while continuing to do the parenting on her own.
John, perhaps not sure whether he wants this burden, is undermining Jane. "People have put their lives on hold for you!". John encourages the children to rebel, and to secretly record Jane in order to "gather evidence". Over Christmas drinks, John arranges with his male police relative to launch a "family violence" order against Jane. Jane is forced to flee the house and has to move in with her elderly parents since she sold her pre marriage unit to fund her children's education. John launches divorce, violence and financial proceedings against Jane, claiming her remaining savings since he, he now claims, is the "family". He also bans any communication between Jane and her children and threatens her elderly parents to never see their grandchildren.
Jane faces court action, solicitors bills, police checks against her future employment and her cancer treatment, alone. She is not allowed to see or talk to her own children. Noone wants to hear Jane's story, the police don't speak to her, there is no institutional support. Jane and her elderly parents feel abandoned, intimidated and fearful of impending court actions.
Being on the other end of the world, I feel absolutely heartbroken not being able to be there for her and give her all the support she needs. She has spent all her life caring and providing for her children and her husband and now it all being taken away from her, at the time when she needs their support. The total injustice of it all infuriates me, especially him being able to manipulate the law and using it to his advantage, as well as totally ignoring the effects that cancer and the medications can have.
I understand that cancer takes its toll not only on the person affected but on the family as well, but surely there must be ways to protect those who are directly affected.
If any of you have any advice for her or can help with the emotional/psychological/legal aspects of it, or simply know someone who went through similar experiences - every little bit of help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for reading this and please take care of yourself and your loved ones.
