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Kazzi's avatar
Kazzi
Member
11 years ago

What is my new normal?

Hi everyone,

I haven't been online for about a week. Last week I was expecting to have a great week physically as it was the week before chemo and as I said to a friend, physically I felt ok, but mentally I felt like a 'basket case'.  I just feel really down, cry when not in the company of my family, spent last week also psyching myself up for my third chemo (which was yesterday).

Since late April, I had three surgeries and commenced chemo.  So I've lost a boob, bought a pretend one, started chemo, lost my hair. Currently sitting in my office (bed) fighting off nausea and have one more chemo in three weeks.  About to start radiotherapy later.   I know I'm one of the lucky ones. Stage wise I'm considered between 1 & 2.

I had a long chat with my med oncologist yesterday, about not sure whether I'm normal, am I thinking too far ahead worried about recurrences?  My biggest fear is the other breast.  My tumour was mucinous (jelly like) and didn't show up fully in the mammogram.  What did show up was a 1cm tumour, but ended up being an irregular 4cm one with a second one smaller one hiding.  It turns out my emotions were premenstrual as well, chemo hasn't quite switched off my hormones yet and got my period on the weekend (on the dot). My Dr has referred me to a psychologist and has reassured me that I'm normal.

I don't like this new normal.  I'm good at puting on the mask of a smile and a good scarf hat combo, but when any friend looks me in the eye and asks 'how you doing?' I collapse in a puddle of tears.

I've enrolled in the look good feel better workshop next week. I guess it's all a process.

Sorry for having a whinge.

Hope everyone is tripping along as well as can be expected.

Love & hugs

Karen

 

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  • lisboy's avatar
    lisboy
    Member
    11 years ago

    Dear Karen

    You are not having a whinge you are expressing and feeling the ordeal that you have been through in such a short space of time. You are amazing and strong! Three surgeries since April? Losing your breast and then coping with chemo and recovering from the surgeries all takes a huge toll. As bad as all of this feels, it will get better. I found talking to a woman from the cancer council really helpful. They matched me up with someone who had the same type of cancer and who is now healthy and happy years down the track. It is O.K to feel down sometimes, I had plenty of melt downs in the earlier stages after diagnosis and during chemo. It is tough and I am just amazed at the strength and resilience that women on this network display. Remember you are not alone, as the supportive posts of the great women here are showing you.

    take care

    Lisaxx

     

     

  • Jane221's avatar
    Jane221
    Member
    11 years ago

    Hi Karen, you've been through, and are going through a lot at the moment so it's no wonder you're feeling down. Don't think of this time as your new normal, this is just the pathway to recovery and it can take a while to process what's happened and to start moving forward and feeling stronger. Talking to a counsellor, going to a support group meeting, attending the Look Good Feel Better workshop, taking part in the Encore exercise program etc are all great ways to get a bit of extra support along the way and I really enjoyed the opportunity with LGFB & Encore to connect with others who were going through treatment in a fun setting and pick up some great tips. Hope you're feeling more on top of things soon. Take care, Jane xx

  • AMM5's avatar
    AMM5
    Member
    11 years ago

    Ive have just got back from LGFB workshop an hour ago.  It does exactly what it says on the can.  (If you remember those ads)  A pick up is what you need and it has certainly given me one!

  • Anonymous's avatar
    Anonymous
    Not applicable
    11 years ago

    You are allowed to have a whinge Kazzi, and given what you've had to deal with, I reckon that youre doing pretty well. All the things that you are worried about are valid and normal from what I can see. It will be good for you to talk to the psychologist as its healthy to talk to a person who is not related or a friend. I've just finished my last chemo 2 weeks ago and will see the radio oncologist on Monday, so will start radiotherapy in the next couple of weeks. I found it useful to have a look at the look good feel better website for makeup tips and this has helped my self esteem and helped me to manage my nude nut. I hope that your nausea and monthly issues pass quickly, when you are hormonal, it just adds to the emotions. Know that this network is a safe place to vent, as we understand and support each other here. Warm wishes and a big cuddle, Trace ??????

  • Robyn_W's avatar
    Robyn_W
    Member
    11 years ago

    Hi:) What you are feeling is very normal.I am 18 months past treatment,and even now,I have my days when I feel down . I occasionally catch myself wallowing in a bit of self pity about having only one boob,but I quickly remind myself that I am alive and VERY healthy,and I am a MUCH stronger person now than I ever was.I know for sure if I ever have to face a health crisis again I will not be afraid.These things are part of life right? In a way we are lucky to have got BC,one of the treatable cancers,and if we learn from this experience we are much better off in the long run in so many ways:) Stay connected on here.This place is like  a family with all the extras!! Cheers Robynxox