Forum Discussion
cranky_granny
9 years agoMember
Mood swings
what a night.
Reality bites when you wake up and reach for someone who is not there and was always there he's only passed 16mths ago no shoulder to cry on in the middle of the night. No more what if we. Obviously got the blues happening. Just not shaking it.
So here I go. Having a why me moment. It's not fair type of overwhelming that's not letting go. I just so want to be the one supporting my family again. Not here feeling like this. No grumble bum hubby (his nickname) My children have so many things I could always help them with now they won't ask it's too much for you mum you have enough on your plate etc when I mention anything.
Made a plan to visit my sister and organised someone to come with me and bam had the days wrong the house is a mess. And I just want to run from it. Need the fight feeling back not this angry weepy roller coaster
I will keep telling myself this won't last. And there is an end in sight. And I have great prospects of a good outcome
Rant not over but done for now just no answer to it. That happy place is just a little out of focus.
Reality bites when you wake up and reach for someone who is not there and was always there he's only passed 16mths ago no shoulder to cry on in the middle of the night. No more what if we. Obviously got the blues happening. Just not shaking it.
So here I go. Having a why me moment. It's not fair type of overwhelming that's not letting go. I just so want to be the one supporting my family again. Not here feeling like this. No grumble bum hubby (his nickname) My children have so many things I could always help them with now they won't ask it's too much for you mum you have enough on your plate etc when I mention anything.
Made a plan to visit my sister and organised someone to come with me and bam had the days wrong the house is a mess. And I just want to run from it. Need the fight feeling back not this angry weepy roller coaster
I will keep telling myself this won't last. And there is an end in sight. And I have great prospects of a good outcome
Rant not over but done for now just no answer to it. That happy place is just a little out of focus.
12 Replies
- melclarityMemberOh Crowded Granny!!! So sorry to hear about Hubby. Im a single parent of 6yrs and unfortunately done this journey twice now on my own, no waking up to someone either. Its hard! I too was like you, busy busy, always wanting to help others, and work. What became so apparent to me through my last chemo journey was, I was so sick and I was forced to stop, I fought it so hard and was so angry and frustrated. I WANTED MY LIFE BACK!!!! NOW! BUT I sat down and I realised this wasnt in my control what was happening, and so interestingly I let go of my work and I put my time into me...I really feel there were reasons to make me STOP and this did. I now do not put work above myself or my health, and I still help people...but not before myself. I actually learned to nurture me instead of everyone else, that was a tough thing for me but an important lesson for me. Its a hard journey and being positive really doesnt help all the time because it isnt real...we are human, and its important to honor every emotion you feel, only then do we find a way to take the next step! Big hugs Melinda xo youre doing ok, and you will get there to help your family once again.
- Brenda5MemberBummer you mixed up the days. Nowadays I keep an exercise book beside me. I have the to do list that never ever gets completely done but it does help me focus especially on bills coming up and perhaps plan those ones jobs to do on my better feeling days.
- iserbrownMemberI know that sometimes I can be in a crowded room of people and I feel alone
So true - rowdyMemberHi life can be so tough, I will be 3 years next Feb and I still have ups and downs. I still look back and think wow that did just happen to me, somehow you get through it. I agree that most of us are the strong ones in the family and used to running everything it is hard to let go of that control. Come back and visit often we have all been where you are now. I know that sometimes I can be in a crowded room of people and I feel alone.
The best piece of advice that I was given was give yourself a break it is a tough trip xx - socodaMemberHey Cranky, Just sending you a big hug. Xx
P.s. Can you do my washing for me??? ;) - primekMemberEven with hubby and my sisters here to support me I had such sad days where I just felt so lonely and so sad, i cried a lot..and even 12 months on still have fears and tears at times...often just sneak up out if nowhere. Do let your children know you like to be needed, it's important to you. Do accept help when offered. Try to get out regularly with friends or family. ..just for a cuppa even. And know this...loss of somebody like a spouse takes years to recover from, you are still grieving and dealing with a difficult health challenge. It's okay to cry. But I get the feeling you are a strong person who will pick herself up and carry on...but give yourself permission to cry..it's not weakness, just a release of all that stress. Take care. Kath x
- adeanMemberI agree with the ladies , when you are a strong person its still hard to put on the brave face. My work colleagies and friends thought l was amazing when l just wanted to scream out lm not lm just wanting to survive. Im 4 years down the track it does get easier but you are forever changed.
- AfraserMemberWhile I deeply appreciate how traumatic a diagnosis of bc is to those who are young, it's no less difficult for older women. When you are a mature, capable, doing person, the sudden shift to a most unwelcome dependency is very hard. You have an even harder road without your husband. It will get better. When you feel more cheerful (walking, deep breathing, do something you enjoy will all help) explain to your family the importance of some normality in your recovery. They mean the very best but it can make you feel superannuated and unfocused. Venting is good too and here is a safe and sympathetic place to do it! Take care.
- iserbrownMemberHi Cranky sorry to read your hubby is not here to help you through. Your emotions ring true with most as it is tumultuous as we go through.
Fresh air helps greatly whether it be a walk or a sit outside
Come on and vent
Take care - cranky_grannyMemberThanks Deanne