Mastectomy emotions

Yes, no point getting too far ahead of yourself. You end up crossing bridges that you never come to! And everyone's path through their breast cancer is so individual. It's good to find things in common but you just can't assume we'll always be the same because our treatments are.

Having said all that I'm glad you've found my posts helpful! I try not to sugarcoat, but also not exaggerate. Just to be as honest as possible.

I hope the counselling is good. Be kind to yourself sweets. It's a hard road we're on. K xox

I’ve just recently arranged counseling which starts later this month.  Thanks again for making contact. It has reminded me that I’m not the only one experiencing the messed up world of BC.  I’ve spent the morning reading recent posts here and it’s been scary and comforting at the same time.  I try not to get too far ahead of myself in regards to my treatment- get through chemo before surgery, get through surgery before radiation, get through radiation before AI meds and clinical trial.....but I’ve found reading your recent posts on AI meds very helpful.  I’ll be on the same drug but with the monthly injection thrown in with two possibilities for clinical trials as well.  
Thoughts are with you and I will definitely keep in touch.

Oh @Silverlining I am so sorry to hear that. I totally get it. I'm having a sub-optimal time of it myself (in a different way, but also including infections and long trips into the City) and am also impossibly longing for life before my breast cancer, and before my sister's. Pointless, but when the treatment, recovery and side effects go on and on and on, it's hard not to get down and dream of a better time.

All I can do is hold on to the hope that things will get better as so many of the people here say they will. They all counsel patience, say we'll get there or at least get to a place where our minds won't be so occupied and our bodies adjust. Are you getting some counselling? I've had some and will be getting more. It's helpful. I found someone through my breastcare nurse.

Hang in there, and do stay in touch here if you feel you can. K xox

Hi,
Thanks for asking.  I’m heading into a week 3-post surgery and it’s been intense.  The actual surgery wasn’t as painful as I imagined but the emotional impact in the first week hit harder than I ever thought. Pathology also came back in the first week and the chemo wasn’t as successful as hoped. Stage 3 with mid range residual cancer score. In the last two weeks, I’ve dealt with two blocked drains and a needle aspiration and I’m now dealing with an infection on the other side so numerous trips to the city. I visit my radiation specialist next week as well.  Feeling a little sorry for myself and wishing for life before BC but knowing that’s not going to happen.

How are you doing @Silverlining?

I had a bilateral mastectomy and DIEP reconstruction almost five weeks ago. I was told by my breastcare nurse and by several others that there's a big emotional crash two or three days after the operation. This is in part due to the effects of the general anaesthetic (the drugs they use can make you euphoric) and initial pain meds wearing off, but also the dawning realisation of what's actually happened. I imagine like most people you haven't had a body part amputated before. It's very difficult to imagine what this is like beforehand, especially a body part that is so intimate and often so connected to our notions of femininity and identity. The other point they said was round the six week mark which is when you get past the initial recovery phase.

You, we, have to grieve what's happened. My plastic surgeon (in the single sympathetic moment he's given me) said that there's a grief process we have to go through. Allow yourself to mourn the loss. Avoiding grief doesn't help. You've gotta go through it to come out the other side. So I say let those tears come out when they want to.

When the tears ease off remind yourself that your chesticles tried to kill you and that while you had happy days, the relationship became toxic and the time had come to dump them and move on! The pulse is the thing @Silverlining.

And like being devastated at being dumped yourself, eventually you find that you rarely think about it and have moved on. So cry, rage, feel down, eat ice cream, down a vodka tonic or three. Do whatever your post break-up behaviour is! Then set your chin, don't look back and stride forward into your life. No one important in your life cares about your boobs, they care about YOU and having you present.

As with any other form of grief, if you get stuck in it, see a counsellor. Maybe see one anyway to talk through your emotions. I have found it very helpful. Hospitals sometimes have pastoral care workers, you could request one to talk to while you are there, and there is always your breastcare nurse. They can be awesome to talk things over with as well.

Hang in there darl. Deep breaths. You'll get through this. Big bear hug, Kate xox

@silverlining I had a phone conversation with my Psychologist 1 week prior to my Mastectomy, I hadn't spoken to her in over 2 yrs. I was struggling mentally/emotionally so very much, and she said that generally, you will hit this before the operation or after it. I was the before, and apart from 1 cry when I got home looking at my battered bruised body as I had immediate diep flap recon, I was ok.

It didnt matter how I tried to look at it, I just couldnt see any positive to having it done. I loved my boobs, I did only lose 1 as I didnt need to lose both, but it was traumatic. My Psych was so great, she said to me, that it was a physicality, that because we have attachment obviously to everything physical about us because that is what we see and others too...that we think we are defined that way. The challenge for me was looking deeper as she said, that nothing is altered, the essence of everything I am is still the same...just the physical is altered. I dont know why, but it resonated for me and a shift occurred enough for me to get through it. I honestly dont think we ever completely get over it because its like grieving, its a process and in terms of acceptance of it and the whole treatment and BC?? I dont think we do either, we learn to walk the path with the knowledge and experience of it all and we do move forward. 

So I say, let the flood gates open, acknowledge everything you feel, its valid, and it's real. It is super painful like grief, but you will come through it, by nurturing you and being gentle with yourself.

Big hugs to you. xo Melinda 

It can be anything that sets us off. So much stress and anxiety bubbling away under the surface. Look after yourself.

u poor thing @Silverlining u have been through a huge surgery, u will be in pain, probably feeling off from the anaesthetic and have the biggest whirlwind of emotions. U will probably find the strangest things will set u off but if u need to cry to ahead. I had a lumpectomy, partial mastectomy and then full right sided mastectomy in the first 2 months of this year with auxiliary lymph node removal and I hwve just finished my chemo. I haven’t cried much apart from a couple of big things turned me in to a blubbering mess but I have found the support of this forum to be amazing. Rely of the support of your family and friends, get lots of gentle hugs and maybe consider some counselling in the future like I am planning on doing. Sending u big, huge hugs xoxox