Mastectomy emotions
I’m currently lying in my hospital bed after having my bilateral mastectomy, lymph node clearance and chemo port removed. Saw my kids for the first time after the op yesterday afternoon. They wanted...
Forum Discussion
I had a bilateral mastectomy and DIEP reconstruction almost five weeks ago. I was told by my breastcare nurse and by several others that there's a big emotional crash two or three days after the operation. This is in part due to the effects of the general anaesthetic (the drugs they use can make you euphoric) and initial pain meds wearing off, but also the dawning realisation of what's actually happened. I imagine like most people you haven't had a body part amputated before. It's very difficult to imagine what this is like beforehand, especially a body part that is so intimate and often so connected to our notions of femininity and identity. The other point they said was round the six week mark which is when you get past the initial recovery phase.
You, we, have to grieve what's happened. My plastic surgeon (in the single sympathetic moment he's given me) said that there's a grief process we have to go through. Allow yourself to mourn the loss. Avoiding grief doesn't help. You've gotta go through it to come out the other side. So I say let those tears come out when they want to.
When the tears ease off remind yourself that your chesticles tried to kill you and that while you had happy days, the relationship became toxic and the time had come to dump them and move on! The pulse is the thing @Silverlining.
And like being devastated at being dumped yourself, eventually you find that you rarely think about it and have moved on. So cry, rage, feel down, eat ice cream, down a vodka tonic or three. Do whatever your post break-up behaviour is! Then set your chin, don't look back and stride forward into your life. No one important in your life cares about your boobs, they care about YOU and having you present.
As with any other form of grief, if you get stuck in it, see a counsellor. Maybe see one anyway to talk through your emotions. I have found it very helpful. Hospitals sometimes have pastoral care workers, you could request one to talk to while you are there, and there is always your breastcare nurse. They can be awesome to talk things over with as well.
Hang in there darl. Deep breaths. You'll get through this. Big bear hug, Kate xox
You, we, have to grieve what's happened. My plastic surgeon (in the single sympathetic moment he's given me) said that there's a grief process we have to go through. Allow yourself to mourn the loss. Avoiding grief doesn't help. You've gotta go through it to come out the other side. So I say let those tears come out when they want to.
When the tears ease off remind yourself that your chesticles tried to kill you and that while you had happy days, the relationship became toxic and the time had come to dump them and move on! The pulse is the thing @Silverlining.
And like being devastated at being dumped yourself, eventually you find that you rarely think about it and have moved on. So cry, rage, feel down, eat ice cream, down a vodka tonic or three. Do whatever your post break-up behaviour is! Then set your chin, don't look back and stride forward into your life. No one important in your life cares about your boobs, they care about YOU and having you present.
As with any other form of grief, if you get stuck in it, see a counsellor. Maybe see one anyway to talk through your emotions. I have found it very helpful. Hospitals sometimes have pastoral care workers, you could request one to talk to while you are there, and there is always your breastcare nurse. They can be awesome to talk things over with as well.
Hang in there darl. Deep breaths. You'll get through this. Big bear hug, Kate xox