Forum Discussion
insensitive responses
Hi all
I am not sure if I am being overly critical of others due to my own heightened emotional state, but I have had some poor responses from other people when I have spoken to them recently since my diagnosis last month. It started with my GP. The SA Breast screen people did all the testing and I was asked to either come back in a week to hear the results or go to my GP. I chose the GP. After a week of waiting to hear if I had cancer or not I sit down in the GP's office and she said "you know, don't you". I said "no I am still waiting." She then gives a big sigh and said "oh so I am suppose to tell you" and acted as if it was the last thing she wanted to do and that she felt put out. I was not impressed to say the least. I can see her point of view as no one wants to tell someone they have cancer, but I also thought she was very insensitive.
Last week after they found more cancer in a lymph node, I called 2 close family members and 1 person knew I was having a biopsy that morning and they all know about my diagnosis, This person also acted put out when I called them and immediately asks me to call back in 30 mins as she "was speaking to a friend in her home" so was too busy to take my call. She knew I was furious as my tone changed , so she quickly back tracked and then reluctantly agreed to stay on the line. Another person I called later that day was in meeting at the church as a volunteer and also told me they "couldn't speak to me right now." Jeeze it is not as if these people are running the country or sitting at the UN table preventing a nuclear war. Other responses from others that have really annoyed me have been "you will be fine" and "try to be positive".
I even called Beyond Blue one time and the female mental health worker responded to me as if I may have had a histrionic personality disorder who has multiple crisis's at the drop of a hat. ( I don't) I have only ever called them twice in my whole life.
Sorry just had to vent.
Narelle
21 Replies
Thank you. Love and hugs back xxxxx
Well said Jenny, I too hope you get the love and support you so deserve right now. Makes me realize how truly fortunate I am xxx
Sending love and hugs your way ??
Hi Tracy
I have called the CC nurse 3 times and I agree they are wonderful. The nurse has also taken my name down for free counselling at their service. I also have a mental health plan from my GP but many of the Psychologist are charging $70+ for the gap after Medicare. I think I will stick to cancer council for now.
Hi Narelle sorry to read that it's not easy and a lot of people don't get it. Cancer council is brilliant call their main line. I've called them 4 times during this year of treatment. They have an awesome phone buddy system where they match you with a survivor I used that in the beginning. I also called twice when I thought I was close to chopping off insensitive people's heads lol - recently I also got a referral via cc to private counsellor which has been awesome now that my treatments have almost finished hugs Tracy
Hi Kath
I understand that sometimes we are busy helping one person with an urgent issue and someone else calls demanding our full attention. This was not the case with my family last week or I would have been more forgiving and understanding at the time. Frankly they were down right rude, unsympathetic and bordering on being cruel. I had another conversation with one of them a few days later and expressed how I felt and they still couldn't see that they had done anything wrong. Obviously I need to limit my contact with people like that for my own emotional health and sanity.
It must have been difficult that your counselor was not more helpful yesterday. We go in with expectations from professionals and it must be disappointing to leave feeling even more unsupported. Take care Kath, hugsX
Narelle
My heart goes out to you. I've been in situations where I have been dealing in person with someone in crisis when another has called and they became angry when I asked if I could call back. I guess as the caller we don't always know the full story. My GP was terrified to tell me the results. ..but I had seen them already.... she was so relieved to not have to tell me but just get on with the practical stuff. I found people supportive initially but now as chemo has really brought me low, they really don't want to know. Fortunately my sister and husband are there for me and at least get it. I spoke with a counselor yesterday supposedly a cancer counselor. ..who looked at a loss as to what to do. So...I'll just muddle through and use this site and my close few to share my fears and daily woes with. Take care. Kath x
Hi Narelle. I'm sorry to hear you haven't been receiving more thoughtful support. We have a few booklets and fact sheets that might be helpful. You can order them here or download them at the links below.
Helping a friend or colleague with breast cancer
I wish I could fix it: Supporting a partner through breast cancer
Anxiety, depression and breast cancer
And if you haven't already done so, I also encourage you to find a local support group. Meeting other women who understand can go a long way.
I'm so sorry that your insensitive so called family responded to you like like ! That is terrible . Mine are a bit like that especially my husband but my sisters are really good especially now that one of them is having chemo! I'd tell your step father were to put his comment , no problem. Wishing you well and sending tons of support, love and hugs??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Narelle. That is such a positive step forward for you. This disease makes you feel lonely even if you are surrounded by well-meaning people. Contact with women going through the same thing understand your concerns and can relate to you. It is like a warm blanket on a cold night. You will also find lots of fun and laughter.
Suexx
Thanks Kisty.
The Beyond Blue lady shocked me as well but later I was thinking I probably should not have started the conversation saying I was in the middle of a crisis. It was true at the time but I could hear she was exasperated as she had probably dealt with multiple callers that day who had all said the same thing. Anyway she gave me a lecture about what the line was all about and that I need to go elsewhere ie see a psychologist if I needed counselling. She then proceeded to give me a list of names who I could contract. I could have done a Google search myself so that was not very helpful. I won't be calling them again. I am wondering if she thought I had a Borderline or histrionic personality disorder so she felt she needed to take me seriously ( I don't by the way). Our stories may sounds very dramatic to the uninitiated.
Narelle
