Grateful, Trying to Stay Positive but Struggling

@Molly71 - you've done SO WELL up til now - and the finish line is almost within sight .....  so WELL DONE YOU!  xx

I had a lumpectomy & Rads & Tabs - in 2 weeks it will be my 5 year anniversary of the surgery ..... so far, so good.

At the end of my Rads, I was strangely upset on the last session, as I'd grown reliant on their company over the previous month of treatments Mon-Fri .... so be prepared for a possible feeling of 'grief/loss' as it came out of nowhere for me! ....   I wonder if you get to ring the bell to 'sign off' on the Rads?  My mob don't have the bell! 

As the girls have said, keep busy doing things you love, or take up a new hobby .... also keep up your Rads moisturising for the next 4-8 weeks as well after your last session, as it continues to 'cook' for a while after - the Rads site will actually remain quite warm as well for 2 weeks plus too.  

Congratulations on almost completing your Active Treatment - just 2 weeks to go .... 
You may not be aware that you can also then look into Otis Foundation for a little holiday/getaway with family/friends during the year as a 'I've finished my active treatment' getaway/celebration  .....  http://www.otisfoundation.org.au/directory

Take care, be kind to yourself & have a wonderful 2023 xx

@Cath62, @Keeping_positive1 , @jennyss, thankyou all so much for your suggestions and supportive words. I can do this!

Dear @Molly71,
I feel so sympathetic to everything you expressed; and @Cath62 has some wonderful thoughts for you. I am not very good with words, so I will just say

from jennyss in Western NSW

I think many of your thoughts are common to us breast cancer survivors from time to time.  It is when it takes over our everyday thoughts that it can interfer with living our best lives.  You are doing the right thing by reaching out and getting the assistance you need at this time.  Despite my name 'Keeping positive" I am not always positive and every year around mammogram/ultrasound time I get very anxious and wonder, like you, should I have had a bi lateral mastectomy.  

It is nearly six years on for me from diagnosis, and I was Stage 3, Grade 3, HER2 positive and ER/PR positive and in 2 lymph nodes and both breasts.  Breast cancer is now a part of my medical history and I choose to believe that the treatment worked and I am NED now. For me going through treatment I was so, so tired I could barely even have any negative thoughts at the time, I just kept putting one foot in front of the other.  However after active treatment was when I reflected on what I went through and sort out a counsellor to speak with. 

You will get through this negative time and negative thoughts, so be kind to yourself and do something nice for yourself each day.  Let others spoil you also, because you deserve it!  Take care and I wish you the best and we are here for you.  xx

Hi @Molly71, you definitely are not alone here.  It is a bit scary. I had a lumpectomy, months of chemo and radium and now Letrozole. I could have had a mastectomy but my surgeon was confident with recommending a lumpectomy. I was grade 3 as well.  I am 2 years and 8 months post diagnosis.

I think as time goes on it is easier to not worry about the future. We really don't control it. What we can control is how we react and this does take work.

You are still having treatment so don't be too hard on yourself. Depression is common for people having cancer treatment but it is good you recognise the struggle and are seeking help with medication and therapy. 

There are lots of things you can do to help with the anxiety. Keeping busy doing things you like to focus on that joy instead of the cancer risk. You can do deep breathing and lots of it, go for a walk if you are up to it. Maybe start a new hobby. 

Start a gratitude practice every day. It changed my life doing this. It is such a simple thing to do. You could use an app like Delightful or write down 3 things you are grateful for every day. Could be as simple as being gratitude for your husband or your morning coffee. 

We all have moments of doubt. I think it is normal but as you know if they take over we feel depressed and anxious  and this isn't helpful. Start changing that self doubt about whether treatment worked to saying that it has worked and you have no evidence of disease. Keep saying it too. You have had so much treatment that the cancer is gone. 

I am glad you reached out. You are very brave and you are nearly there. It is going to be ok. Talk to your oncologist and psychologist in the new year. It's a reflective time so be gentle with yourself and keep going. Treatment is so great these days and your team are making sure you will be ok. Best wishes for 2023.