Well, I am pretty low at the moment Ladies. I spent three days in hospital last week with a high temperature but thankfully they think I only had a viral infection but I was miserable in an isolation room. Home now but 'miserable'. I can't seem to stop crying. To top it off my son, who's nearly 23, came home on Sunday night complaining of a sore nipple. He went to the Doctor Monday morning and the Doctor told him there was a lump and he should have an ultrasound. I know I over reacted but I fell to pieces when he told me. It's probable just a cyst but I'm so upset. He's off having the ultrasound now so we have to wait. I'm not coping with any illness that my family has had. My husband had an issue earlier this year which turned out to be nothing but again I was an absolute train wreck. I really want to be there for my family but this BC has changed me into a blithering, weak mess. Before I was always the strong one, putting my family at ease when they were sick. Does it get better?

Janey, I so sorry to hear about everything you went through. Just remember we are thinking of you and hope you feel better soon

Thanks Tanya. I think my emotions are finally catching up to me. I've been miserable before but I can't seem to stop crying at the moment. I'm going to talk to my Onc about it when I see him tomorrow and see what he says. I should be so happy that my last chemo is this Friday. Maybe I am thinking too much about the mastectomy now, I don't know. My son hugged me and told me not to worry, he's not. He wants me to focus on me. That just made me cry more. Well I suppose I'll get over this period and I guess it's all part of the process. I hate feeling like this though. Thanks again for your support Tanya xx

Have you tried some anti anxiety medication? I found it really helped me stay on a more even keel. I really resisted taking any meds during chemo, but my hubby reasoned that it was chemo and pre med and post chemo drugs making me crazy, so no amount of meditation or positive thoughts would control it. Don't beat yourself up....take something to help your mind and body. Love and hugs Louie

Hi Janey So, sorry you are feeling low at the moment. This crisis in our health that we are all dealing with does take such a toll on our ability to cope with things. It sounds like you have a wonderful son and I hope that all is well with the lump. It's scary facing this very serious disease and the traumatic treatments we need to endure. This does effect the emotions and I often feel very emotional despite trying to think positive and rationally about things. You are certainly not alone in how you are feeling right now. We are experiencing the reality that sometimes life does not go well so it is pretty hard to reassure yourself and others that things will be okay. You are still a strong person but it's just that your strength is needed to cope with fighting breast cancer just now. When you win this fight and regain your physical strength you'll be able to be there for your family and friends again. Hope all goes well with your last Chemo on Friday. I am having my 3rd on Thursday and just hope the nurse can get the cannula in first go this time. Hope you feel better soon, it's probably the virus affects on top of everything else. Xxooooxxxxxxx Deanne

It's ok not to be the strong one for once , we all try and stay strong and put on this brave front for everyone including ourselves, I think it's a woman's trait , your life becomes so full of tests appointments pills treatments that we are on this massive roller coaster and we want to get off but we can't , go on cry and get it out ,I used to sob on the toilet so no would know, which is ridiculous, and talk to the breast nurse I found they were so much more rational, you may need a helping hand, don't be afraid to ask. We will try to give you support as much as we know how, all the best for your son, amazing you look to young to have a 23year old. Love and hugs adean

Emotional Mess | BCNA Online Network

Janey235
Member
12 years ago
My last chemo on Friday Nik. I know exactly what your mum is feeling. Please wish your mum all the best for her next treatment. Tell her that she is being thought of. Keep in touch. Love Jane x
nik
Member
12 years ago
Thank you Jane

It was nice to receive your message. I am so glad l can now speak to people like yourself that might be able to help me be a better support for my mum. Your post re your baby boy(big and all) made me think about how often my mum has mentioned my having some testing done, her oncologist said not untill l am 40 and l am 38 so l said l would wait but this morning l told mum l might go sooner rather than later and the relieve for her was overwhelming. I know now this will bring her some comfort so l will just do it. She explained then that chemo has robbed her of everything (most unlike my mum as she is alway positive) and even if l had to experience BC that if l found really early l could avoid chemo etc. Now i am sure l will not get it but if it offers her some comfort then off l go in the nxt few months .

Yep off for the "chemo dance" on friday again no3 of taxol, please god let this one be better. The best part is she can no longer feel her secondary lump so please please please let this mean, all is well. Hope your nxt chapter is managable lovely.xx
Janey235
Member
12 years ago
Oh Nik. It's so nice of you to share a bit of your strength with me. Your mum is so lucky she has you. I am feeling better today. Like you I think the emotion builds and builds and we have to let it out or we will burst. I read your first blog and I had a little cry for you and your mum. As I say to my daughter and son, just being there is doing heaps for me and I'm sure your mum feels the same. Having our loved ones by our side is wonderful medicine. You don't know how much it helps. My thoughts are with you and your mum. Let us know how she's getting on. Keep your chin up my dear. Big hugs and kisses to you from Jane xo
nik
Member
12 years ago
Hi Janey, hope you are feeling a little bit "lighter" today, it is so unfair that you have to endure all that physical difficulty and then have a emotional challenge too. I had a meltdown yesterday and l am not having tratment it is my mum, but l ride as many waves with her as l can and l think it just all became too much. I also think the lack of sunshine plays havock with our mental health too. Please remember you are doing an amazing job and l send you some of my strenght today as l feel stronger today than yesterday for sure. xo
Janey235
Member
12 years ago
Hi adean, You're so right about the massive roller coaster. I guess I'm in a trough at the moment and I can only go up from here. I had a good cry with my husband tonight when he got home poor man. He was hardly in the door when I burst into uncontrollable sobs. It really helped to let all the pent up feelings out. I haven't done that in a while. So I am feeling a bit better tonight. Thanks for saying I looked too young to have a son who's 23. My daughter is 25. But I feel 110 haha. Love and hugs back to you. Xoxoxo Jane
Janey235
Member
12 years ago
Thanks for your encouraging words. I do feel better knowing that I'm not alone and I know that I can't always hold it together either. I think this has a lot to do with the decision I am still to make about having both breasts removed or not and its hanging over my head like the darkest of clouds. So anything like my son's issue is going to upset me I guess. I feel a bit better tonight and as Louie suggested, I'll ask my Onc for something to help calm me down in the weeks prior to my op. All you ladies have helped immensely and I am so grateful to you. No one knows whats it's like unless you've been or going through it. So my thoughts are with you too. Good luck with the rest of your treatment Deanne xxxxxxxooooo Jane
Janey235
Member
12 years ago
I'm going to ask my Onc tomorrow about taking something to help. I think I'll need it in the weeks to come before the big op. I think I'm getting more anxious about that than I did with chemo! Your hubby sounds like mine. He is the voice of reason right now. We are lucky to have such loving partners and family. Love Jane
adean
Member
12 years ago
It's ok not to be the strong one for once , we all try and stay strong and put on this brave front for everyone including ourselves, I think it's a woman's trait , your life becomes so full of tests appointments pills treatments that we are on this massive roller coaster and we want to get off but we can't , go on cry and get it out ,I used to sob on the toilet so no would know, which is ridiculous, and talk to the breast nurse I found they were so much more rational, you may need a helping hand, don't be afraid to ask. We will try to give you support as much as we know how, all the best for your son, amazing you look to young to have a 23year old. Love and hugs adean
Deanne
Member
12 years ago
Hi Janey So, sorry you are feeling low at the moment. This crisis in our health that we are all dealing with does take such a toll on our ability to cope with things. It sounds like you have a wonderful son and I hope that all is well with the lump. It's scary facing this very serious disease and the traumatic treatments we need to endure. This does effect the emotions and I often feel very emotional despite trying to think positive and rationally about things. You are certainly not alone in how you are feeling right now. We are experiencing the reality that sometimes life does not go well so it is pretty hard to reassure yourself and others that things will be okay. You are still a strong person but it's just that your strength is needed to cope with fighting breast cancer just now. When you win this fight and regain your physical strength you'll be able to be there for your family and friends again. Hope all goes well with your last Chemo on Friday. I am having my 3rd on Thursday and just hope the nurse can get the cannula in first go this time. Hope you feel better soon, it's probably the virus affects on top of everything else. Xxooooxxxxxxx Deanne
LouiseTurner
Member
12 years ago
Have you tried some anti anxiety medication? I found it really helped me stay on a more even keel. I really resisted taking any meds during chemo, but my hubby reasoned that it was chemo and pre med and post chemo drugs making me crazy, so no amount of meditation or positive thoughts would control it. Don't beat yourself up....take something to help your mind and body. Love and hugs Louie