Down days

It's hard to be upbeat when you feel so dreadful so just wallow in it for awhile. It doesn't hurt to be a sook,helps to release that emotion that builds up. You will feel more confident about your health when you get some distance from this bc episode - about 2yrs for me each time.As a nurse,we see and know too much,medical wise, which may or may not be a good thing! It's really weird but I am less scared this second bc time around(2010) than the first in 2003. Admitedly it was ebc each time so like you,feel lucky in the "cancer world".Just go with your feelings for now cos in time you'll get that confidence back.

                                   Tonya xx

I am working through those same dark thoughts - it's impossible to lose them completely. But I think I have hit on a way to make them pass a bit quicker.

It's  either / or -

1. It never comes back - well done, you've won.

2. It comes back - then you treat it just the way you've treated this time.

        either    That works, it never comes back, 1 again.

             or      It comes back, 2 again.

And remember, every day, every year, there are newer and better treatments with greater success rates and less side effects. The longer you are here, the longer you will stay here.

It's not going to make the dark thoughts disappear, but you can take control of them and MAKE them go away each time.

The power of NOW - this moment is all we have. Don't   waste too much time thinking about the what ifs, spend all that precious time LIVING.

We are going to make it Dan, I just know we are.

magicmum

 sister dan,It shows that no matter how strong we are or try to be we are after all human I thought I was going great until my 18yr old  daughters friend came to show me she had got her licence only minutes before unfortunately she lost her mum last year and I cracked up howling and it came and came poor kid said its not that bad that Im on the road , but she knew. I called in my work yesterday (aged care) and one of my 90 yr old ladies said where the hell have you been I thought youd beaten me to THAT PLACE when I told her she said wouldnt that shit you just when your life is supposed to be great, bless her.  Isnt it great that we all have each other here the most sensible women around xxxx adean

 sister dan,It shows that no matter how strong we are or try to be we are after all human I thought I was going great until my 18yr old  daughters friend came to show me she had got her licence only minutes before unfortunately she lost her mum last year and I cracked up howling and it came and came poor kid said its not that bad that Im on the road , but she knew. I called in my work yesterday (aged care) and one of my 90 yr old ladies said where the hell have you been I thought youd beaten me to THAT PLACE when I told her she said wouldnt that shit you just when your life is supposed to be great, bless her.  Isnt it great that we all have each other here the most sensible women around xxxx adean

 sister dan,It shows that no matter how strong we are or try to be we are after all human I thought I was going great until my 18yr old  daughters friend came to show me she had got her licence only minutes before unfortunately she lost her mum last year and I cracked up howling and it came and came poor kid said its not that bad that Im on the road , but she knew. I called in my work yesterday (aged care) and one of my 90 yr old ladies said where the hell have you been I thought youd beaten me to THAT PLACE when I told her she said wouldnt that shit you just when your life is supposed to be great, bless her.  Isnt it great that we all have each other here the most sensible women around xxxx adean

Hey beautiful Dan

I honestly don't know what to say to make you feel better except to hang in there kiddo and YOU WILL GET THRU THIS.  I understand it would be so much harder for you having seen what this journey can do to people first hand day in day out both young and old

Try to remember all the things you would say to your patients to give them encouragement and hope and grab hold of these and go with it.

It is okay to have bad dark days where we are scared as long as every day doesn't become those dark days. If they do get some help.  You need to find light and fight your way back out of that black hole we find ourselves in.  I am scared, if we are all honest I think we have all been scared at one time or another.  It is not possible to go through this journey and not be.

You are lucky in one way for sure and that is you are only half way through chemo and are already able to process this shit we are going through.  I am into my radiotherapy and I still don't have a clue, still feel like I am in a bad dream and i going to wake up, still don't understand what I think of feel about all this crap.  If you have got the insight to have been able to process this and take it all in then you are definitely luckier than me luvly.

I think of you all the time and I am always wishing you well.  I hope your family are coping with all this crap as best as they can as well. 

LOL

Mich xoxoxoxo

Hey beautiful Dan

I honestly don't know what to say to make you feel better except to hang in there kiddo and YOU WILL GET THRU THIS.  I understand it would be so much harder for you having seen what this journey can do to people first hand day in day out both young and old

Try to remember all the things you would say to your patients to give them encouragement and hope and grab hold of these and go with it.

It is okay to have bad dark days where we are scared as long as every day doesn't become those dark days. If they do get some help.  You need to find light and fight your way back out of that black hole we find ourselves in.  I am scared, if we are all honest I think we have all been scared at one time or another.  It is not possible to go through this journey and not be.

You are lucky in one way for sure and that is you are only half way through chemo and are already able to process this shit we are going through.  I am into my radiotherapy and I still don't have a clue, still feel like I am in a bad dream and i going to wake up, still don't understand what I think of feel about all this crap.  If you have got the insight to have been able to process this and take it all in then you are definitely luckier than me luvly.

I think of you all the time and I am always wishing you well.  I hope your family are coping with all this crap as best as they can as well. 

LOL

Mich xoxoxoxo

Hi Dan, I think you just need to let yourself be human, instead of always trying to be the strong one, as we mothers always do, I never show my tears to my kids and it  is probably to my detremint as they think she is over it she will be right, when in actual fact I am not sure that that will ever be the case as you say, there will always be that little nagging voice in the back of your head, hopefully if we let ourselves have those down days, the good days will follow and we will be in a spot to be able to enjoy them all the more

Hi Dan,

Not at all surprising to hear about down days - we all have them, and you have shown remarkablle spirit so far. The sad fact is that cancer will always be part of our lives; the challenge will be to make it a positive part, whether it be through advocacy, support of other women or simply a renewed appreciation of life. Keep strong!

Best wishes.... Pam