Forum Discussion
Bye bye boobs
Five days to go until I farewell my breasts.
I am comfortable with my decision but nervous about the emotional impact of the outcome. How can you anticipate an amputation of this nature, physically or mentally?
I'm not afraid of medical procedures or pain (eight and a half hours of labour with no painkillers pushing out a 9lb11oz baby...), but I am nervous of being under for 8 - 10 hours. My low blood pressure issues and collapse a few weeks ago are playing on my mind. My GP is being cautious and doing some heart tests and I'll be having a good chat with the anaesthetist.
I'm comforted by the people who've gone before me and say they have no regrets. I know I'm doing the right thing, for me and my family. My lovely breast surgeon agrees. However I am sad. My breasts are actually a body part I liked. We've had some fun over the years; it's challenging to say goodbye to such a delightful erogenous zone.
Nerves and apprehension have been rising as the operation's approached, but have been mostly under control. However last night, after a busy day of distraction, the moment I turned off my light I was swamped with anxiety that went on all night. I had a shocker. The valium I took at 3am didn't help (it was only a 2).
I'm a member of the Choosing Breast Reconstruction Group but it's pretty quiet over there so @iserbrown suggested I post here too, so you all can keep me company through the next bump on this wretched rollercoaster. Black humour welcome!
I am comfortable with my decision but nervous about the emotional impact of the outcome. How can you anticipate an amputation of this nature, physically or mentally?
I'm not afraid of medical procedures or pain (eight and a half hours of labour with no painkillers pushing out a 9lb11oz baby...), but I am nervous of being under for 8 - 10 hours. My low blood pressure issues and collapse a few weeks ago are playing on my mind. My GP is being cautious and doing some heart tests and I'll be having a good chat with the anaesthetist.
I'm comforted by the people who've gone before me and say they have no regrets. I know I'm doing the right thing, for me and my family. My lovely breast surgeon agrees. However I am sad. My breasts are actually a body part I liked. We've had some fun over the years; it's challenging to say goodbye to such a delightful erogenous zone.
Nerves and apprehension have been rising as the operation's approached, but have been mostly under control. However last night, after a busy day of distraction, the moment I turned off my light I was swamped with anxiety that went on all night. I had a shocker. The valium I took at 3am didn't help (it was only a 2).
I'm a member of the Choosing Breast Reconstruction Group but it's pretty quiet over there so @iserbrown suggested I post here too, so you all can keep me company through the next bump on this wretched rollercoaster. Black humour welcome!
120 Replies
- @kmakm. I understand your surgery anxiety - I think this process can cause that in us. I didn’t have a hospital phobia but after 3 breast surgeries in a month and a half I am now starting to develop one and I used to have a needle phobia but stert d donating blood and plasma after my father in law died on cancer and for over it - I noticed during my last chemo it is starting to come back after presumably getting sick so may times. The mind is a funny thing. Glad u had a fab night and conversation that didn’t center around cancer. I was weird yesterday too - had a beer and a hamburger and I don’t eat meat. Since the tastebuds die and food becomes less pleasure I have decided if something appeals to me I’m gonna have it!! xoxoxo
- Dear @kmakm, Best wishes from jennyss in Western NSW
- Hi there @kmakm I know exactly how you are feeling as you know. And @soldiercrab and @primek have summed it up beautifully. I’m so glad you’ve had your big night out to farewell your titties. It’s hesrtbreaking to lose them for sure but you know you are doing the right thing for you and that’s what matters. Are you having a recon straight away love or going flat and fabulous I can’t remember! Either way. Please keep us posted how you go. The anxiousness is normal but you my love have a big set of hairy balls that will kick this mother fucker in the face and you will be fine. If you by chance happen to lose yours between now and then. You can always borrow mine. They are super fat these days and can be loaned out on request. Biggest hug. Margie xxx
- Going under for surgery is scary. I joked that they keep the balcony doors locked at St Andrew's Hospital so the pre-surgery patients can't escape while they're waiting. It's certainly how I felt. But they gave me something for anxiety prior to the surgery and the surgeon held my hand while the anaesthetist did his thing and I woke up again on the other side. I'm glad that you and your husband had such a good night @kmakm
- My big girl undies will be up to my chin I reckon @Primek.
The day before the op I'm seeing two close friends for coffee, having a massage and then later will go for a walk. I think all that will be good for me at that stage. There's no way round this week, I'm just going to have to tough it out.
I think you're right about the overthinking. I don't feel I am at this stage. I'm trying to be open to all the feelings, good and bad. I know that I can't avoid them, and that I need to go through them to come out the other side. I think my process may very well be similar to yours.
Love the photo! K xox - @PatsyN they are pre surgery tits. No longer have the cleavage even with reconstruction which is a blessing in hot weather. Don't miss the neck and shoulder issues. Note how the bras are slicing ino my shoulder. Now I wear a bra but no hoisting required.
- @Zoffiel I have a love/hate relationship with that trolley ride. It's an awful and coldly thrilling ride into the unknown. Good because the operation is finally about to happen, but petrifying because, well, the operation is finally about to happen...
I am trying to do the best I can and I expect I'll tough it out with a few more tears shed along the way. I have to keep a brave face on for all the kids. It's great for me to come on here and let it all hang out with people who understand the full gamut of emotions.
Hope you're not too sore from your exertions today. You're one tough chick and I admire you greatly. - @TonyaM I couldn't bear the thought of waking up flat, it's just not for me. Thank you for your kind thoughts.
- @"Kiwi Angel" Thank you! It was you who inspired the cleavage display!
Your husband sounds like a keeper. A partner who buys you a handbag, not to mention hair... brilliant! K xox - Thank you so much @SoldierCrab. I will take that hand and hang on tight.
I love your middle tit! How deliciously eccentric and fabulous.
