Forum Discussion
Adjusting to bad news, staying hopeful, changing habits
Hi,
I am a 44 year old mother of two girls, 3 and 7. Was diagnosed with breast cancer on Tuesday evening after a mammogram and ultrasound in the morning. On Wednesday I saw a specialist who sent me for biopsies and scans. On Thursday afternoon I learnt that I have HER2 positive BC in my right breast (3x3cm with two smaller tumours nearby), and one lymph node biopsied because it was enlarged was also cancerous. A lump on the left was benign. It does not appear to have spread to bones, pelvis, liver etc however there were two 5mm nodules in my lung that might be BC. I am hoping they are something else but have to be prepared in case the cancer already is stage 4. I remember the doctor said it was grade 2-3 but not sure if that is the same thing as stage 2-3.
I have somehow lost the reports, so I can't look over the details until they are mailed but I have an appointment on Wednesday with a different specialist to plan treatment. I am glad that things are moving quickly but am still reeling from the news and wish the appointment was sooner. I think I will be having preadjuvant chemo and/or targeted treatment, followed by a mastectomy of the right breast in several months (with optional rebuild), however I have not met with the oncologist so am not sure what to expect.
I should have gotten to a GP weeks ago as I had noticed hardness over many months (which I had thought was related to it being dominant for milk production) and had a sore breast in early July, however because I was breastfeeding and fairly ignorant of BC I mistook the symptoms including a swollen lymph node for mastitis. Only when all pain went way and I noticed the boob seemed bigger and misshapen with a prominent lump did I get myself to a doctor. Waited a week and a half for the scan that showed it was as suspected a malignant carcinoma. Strange thing is it only started hurting again after I learned what it was.
I don't know much yet but am trying to learn a bit without scaring myself too much or googling into the night. My youngest daughter has weaned herself, and on the night of the diagnosis she accepted bedtime without breast, understanding that I have sick boobies and the doctor said we should stop. In the middle of the night she was desperate to breastfeed, and I allowed this briefly. That is the last time I fed her, and she has been proud of herself for giving it up but has wanted to kiss it and hug it today.
Next move is for me to give up smoking, a bad habit of mine for many years off and on, which is not easy when it has been a response to stress and I have been quite stressed at times. It must be done, as I understand that it increases the risk of metastasis (if it has not already happened) and I wouldn't want to invite another cancer along right now. But I am trying to be gentle with myself when I occasionally light them only to put them out shortly thereafter. I hope to eliminate this habit fully by Wednesday. I have to clean up my diet and prepare for the treatment. I was a lifelong vegetarian until my early thirties however I have eaten a tiny bit of fish in the past ten years. I eat lots of fruit and veg. However I do have too many sugary things and processed stuff so I need to cut the crap out of the shopping list.
Emotionally I have been struggling a bit and I should arrange some counselling to work through my feelings. My mother and friends have been amazing, my husband has been a good support but doesn't like to see me crying, which I think is just a normal thing from time to time in such a circumstance. I am being open and honest with the kids and have been giving them lots of love and sweetness. Honestly I am sometimes very scared but I am trying to be strong for myself and for everyone around me.
Sending love and understanding to others with BC, and those who have recently been diagnosed, it's pretty tough to take, huh?
I am a 44 year old mother of two girls, 3 and 7. Was diagnosed with breast cancer on Tuesday evening after a mammogram and ultrasound in the morning. On Wednesday I saw a specialist who sent me for biopsies and scans. On Thursday afternoon I learnt that I have HER2 positive BC in my right breast (3x3cm with two smaller tumours nearby), and one lymph node biopsied because it was enlarged was also cancerous. A lump on the left was benign. It does not appear to have spread to bones, pelvis, liver etc however there were two 5mm nodules in my lung that might be BC. I am hoping they are something else but have to be prepared in case the cancer already is stage 4. I remember the doctor said it was grade 2-3 but not sure if that is the same thing as stage 2-3.
I have somehow lost the reports, so I can't look over the details until they are mailed but I have an appointment on Wednesday with a different specialist to plan treatment. I am glad that things are moving quickly but am still reeling from the news and wish the appointment was sooner. I think I will be having preadjuvant chemo and/or targeted treatment, followed by a mastectomy of the right breast in several months (with optional rebuild), however I have not met with the oncologist so am not sure what to expect.
I should have gotten to a GP weeks ago as I had noticed hardness over many months (which I had thought was related to it being dominant for milk production) and had a sore breast in early July, however because I was breastfeeding and fairly ignorant of BC I mistook the symptoms including a swollen lymph node for mastitis. Only when all pain went way and I noticed the boob seemed bigger and misshapen with a prominent lump did I get myself to a doctor. Waited a week and a half for the scan that showed it was as suspected a malignant carcinoma. Strange thing is it only started hurting again after I learned what it was.
I don't know much yet but am trying to learn a bit without scaring myself too much or googling into the night. My youngest daughter has weaned herself, and on the night of the diagnosis she accepted bedtime without breast, understanding that I have sick boobies and the doctor said we should stop. In the middle of the night she was desperate to breastfeed, and I allowed this briefly. That is the last time I fed her, and she has been proud of herself for giving it up but has wanted to kiss it and hug it today.
Next move is for me to give up smoking, a bad habit of mine for many years off and on, which is not easy when it has been a response to stress and I have been quite stressed at times. It must be done, as I understand that it increases the risk of metastasis (if it has not already happened) and I wouldn't want to invite another cancer along right now. But I am trying to be gentle with myself when I occasionally light them only to put them out shortly thereafter. I hope to eliminate this habit fully by Wednesday. I have to clean up my diet and prepare for the treatment. I was a lifelong vegetarian until my early thirties however I have eaten a tiny bit of fish in the past ten years. I eat lots of fruit and veg. However I do have too many sugary things and processed stuff so I need to cut the crap out of the shopping list.
Emotionally I have been struggling a bit and I should arrange some counselling to work through my feelings. My mother and friends have been amazing, my husband has been a good support but doesn't like to see me crying, which I think is just a normal thing from time to time in such a circumstance. I am being open and honest with the kids and have been giving them lots of love and sweetness. Honestly I am sometimes very scared but I am trying to be strong for myself and for everyone around me.
Sending love and understanding to others with BC, and those who have recently been diagnosed, it's pretty tough to take, huh?
67 Replies
- I just wanted to update all the lovely people who have written messages to me on this thread.
I have had a very big week with appointments every day except Friday and chemo on Wednesday. The nausea has been terrible (but no actual vomiting), I haven't done a poo since Tuesday ( and I have had some insomnia as a result of these issues) but I can feel the biggest tumour shrinking so I don't care about the side effects. Chemo day was hell cos my port installation ran 4.5 hours late and at one point people were saying I might have to start chemo two days later. I was like no! tell them to put it through this canula if you can't get the port in. And maybe that helped get me into surgery in more of a hurry. I had no idea it was such a procedure I didn't google that bit. They managed to get it in by 1pm (the appointment was for 730 am and I had to fast and drink no water overnight) and I was still very groggy when I was taken in wheelchair from one building to another to get my cold cap on. I was so starving and thirsty I had to get the full hospital lunch service as my head was chilled. 5 minutes in as the slurpee headache started I thought theres no way I can cope with this for hours but five minutes later I got used to it and forgot all about it.
The day after that after taking two magic pills that did alleviate the nausea well I managed to eat lunch and do 12000 steps after I went to hospital for an MRI and a steroid shot. I'm assuming it was the steroids that made me feel well enough to walk a few kms home (some of it with a box of organic veg on my head) cos yesterday I had to stay in bed most of the day. In less than three days it feels like my big tumour has gone down by at least a cm (it felt like 4 now it feels like 3) so I am very glad it seems to be responding well and fast. I was told by the surgeon on Tuesday that it is grade 3 so I'm hoping it is downgrading itself well and the lymph ones are being beaten down too. The tumour strangely really hurt in the MRI so maybe this also helped but at the time I got worried thinking it might be spreading cells around.
I'm not sure how I will cope with 5 months of this but I guess I have to just take it day by day and night by sleepless night. I have learnt that strawberries and raspberries do not taste the same on chemo! But thankfully apples and watermelons and grapes do (to me at least). Almost everything in my fridge is totally off-putting but I did manage to eat one good non fruit meal each day so far. Thanks to my amazing mum my kids have gotten to school and kinder and have been fed and clothes washed and put to bed when I have not been up to working. My husband will take over tomorrow.
I meet the surgeon again next Tuesday I think she wanted to look at the MRI and make sure there really no cancer in the left breast. From what she said for me it will be neoadjuvant chemo followed by radiation followed by mastectomy so it will be a long road for me maybe up to a year until they might hopefully say I am clear of this.
I'd better try to get some sleep before the night is over as I think tomorrow I will be having a few sweet visitors who have learnt about my shitty news. - Hi @kabash . I've also got a 3 year old and I'm currently going thru treatment. Do get the breast care nurses to get you in touch with Mummys Wish - they're a lovely group of people who can provide some support for you financially and emotionally. My little one got sent a lovely picture book about a mum going thru treatment and a cuddly teddy which came with a device to record a message. I found the beginning of my diagnosis to be the most challenging but once you get the facts and start treatment you do get into a grove and it temporarily becomes part of a routine. You got this!! Please feel free to message if u ever need a chat!
- I had neo adjuvant and I loved the fact I could feel the cancer shrinking. You don’t get that with surgery first.
- Oh Dear - it must be a 'man thing' - my man is totally useless when I am upset or not coping .... I guess they are used to seeing us 'strong' & just don't know what to do when we are weak for a change. Your man has obviously been thinking back on his own reaction to your diagnosis & found it 'wanting'!
Good to hear your friend has NED (no evidence of disease.) That's what we all want. to hear.
Well done on your new haircut - a change is as good as a holiday! It will give you a lift!
Take care, take it easy - but still do as many things that you enjoy and can do - it keeps you busy & your mind active xx All the best for your chemo xx - I went out to our farm yesterday and walked a lot taking in the amazing beauty of the place. I hugged a couple of big old red gums and quietly asked them to give me strength to get through this. It was nourishing
to be there and see some horses and kangaroos.
I had a nice time walking around with my husband and he was loving and sweet (unusual). He expressed that he has blamed himself for giving me stress and not loving me well enough and thinks maybe that is a part of why I have an illness.
At one stage he even said that he would give his life to save mine. Very noble and romantic but not really possible. I think he has been trying to do some kind of a healing where he tries to take my illness from me. Maybe it could be helpful but I am trusting in the chemotherapy more and I wouldn’t want him sick too.
He is engaged in a project on the farm that he has to stay focused on, and the last time we spoke he was basically telling me I would need to get support from others because he couldn’t put the project on hold. I am hoping to see him more in the city when or if I need help with the kids but know that I really can’t count on it because he has to keep going with the thing he has been working on for his own well-being.
I went to the farm with a friend who survived BC that she had in the late nineties. Hers wasn’t as advanced as mine nor was it HER2 but it was in her lymph nodes and is gone now. I am scared that mine could have already metastasised but am trying to remain hopeful that it has not. The lymph node area being sore from the biopsy makes me very aware of the area and of the risk there. It was disheartening to ask the oncologist about what prevents the cancer from travelling further to be told it’s not well understood. It makes me nervous around bra straps, hot baths, heavy weights and high reaches but I have to keep living normally.
I am sporting a fresh new buzz cut which my husband said looked gangster. Figured I might as well embrace the baldy look before chemo begins and avoid shocking the children later with it. The funny thing is I always wanted to try this style but never had he courage before. I love the feeling of patting it.
I’m still not sure about the neoadjuvant treatment option (I’d love to get it out of me faster) but I have to trust in the doctors and maybe it is inoperable right now. Chemo starts Wednesday but I have an appointment with a surgeon on Tuesday and they might opt to change the path but I think chemo will go ahead once the port is put in on Wednesday morning.
I was was planning to play in a scrabble tournament today but have decided to take it easy instead. Babysitting is expensive and I should save it for when I will need it with chemo.
My fitbit has been keeping track of my steps and my sleep cycles and I have been getting good quality sleep and easily making more than 10000 steps. If I can do half that on chemo it will hopefully help me get through it.
Love and thanks again for help and advice and for taking the time to write back to my messages here. - I was probably a bit snappy at time but mostly I walked...and walked...and walked...tears flowing and screaming in my head.
- @kabash
All that you are experiecing is NORMAL. It goes with the territory that is BC.
I have a big old boab tree just off the end of my verandah. That old man boab tree copped a fair number of boab nuts thrown at him in anger. I swear he still lifts his skirt and quivers with fear when I step out on the back verandah.
My husband, God bless his little cotton picking insensitive socks, went fishing for 3 days and left me to fly 2,300 kms down south to handle the core biopsy and diagnosis on my own. Man, did he cop it for a fair few months afterwards.
I had a special place out in the bush where I would go on my own, armed with a picnic basket and thermos. When things got too much, I would drive out there sit, cry, scream, swear and then calm down, drive back home and only I knew. No Indiana Jones style antics though. Put everything back into perspective. - Yes. My dog was skulking around during the frothing up anger phase. I was collecting the home-delivered plastic-wrapped newspaper from the driveway each morning and bashing it hard against the edge of the kitchen bench repeatedly until bits of newspaper were flying around the room.
@kabash....all you describe?Perfectly normal I think! Including the insensitive-unpleasant husband. - It all sounds perfectly normal to me! My psych says let the anger out as long as it's safe for you and anyone else around you. My car has heard a few anguished furious screams and f bombs and the poor old steering wheel has copped a beating from time to time! I also belted up my basin one time. Screaming into a pillow is a good standby. I seem to recall @JJ70 frightening her dog one day with an outburst of anger!
Ultimately I don't think it's a bad thing if your kids see you angry and upset. They learn empathy, and come to understand that you are a human with feelings as well. Your three year old sounds like an angel. Cuddles on the couch (as long as there aren't germs) are a good thing to do during chemo.
However, a counsellor is really helpful to assist in working through these things. It's f*****g unfair to have cancer. You get to own your rage, but don't get stuck in it. Big (but wary! ;)) hug, K xox - @kabash Hang in there my lovely, you are doing just fine & if cracking a broom on the table helps, then JUST DO IT!! We have to vent somehow. Sounds like your kids are real troopers too. The family goes through the cancer with you so its hard on all of them too. Have you go a breast care nurse yet? My nurse offered to speak to all my family to offer counselling to them also. She was more than happy to ring anyone I wanted her to, to answer any questions they may have or/& to comfort them also. Those nurses are wonderful...such a great job they do & it doesn't cost us a cent!
Despite what you may think, it sounds like you are handling it all in your stride. great to take someone with you to ALL appts as you have found out. So easy to zone out....listening is hard work when you are going to soo many appts!
Great to hear that you are doing as much exercise as you feel up to. It will actually help in more ways than you think. often we reckon we are too tired to go for a walk when a walk will actually make us feel better & also make us sleep better too. It will also make us stronger which will help us recover better & quicker.
hang in there my sweet. You are doing just fine. One step at a time & keep ticking off those boxes. love & strength to you xx
