Hi thanks to everyone for your help and advise. I have had the 9mm lump removed and have got me results back. My nodes are all clear and the bone density scan and Ct scan are also clear. Phew. Yes I have to have radiotherapthy so am awaiting that first appointment. Baby steps. My main concern is now that I am so unsure if I should tell my mum who is 89 and does have short term memory loss, dementia, Of what I am going through. I do not want my mum worrying way too much as she does remember sometimes what I have told her. This for me is the most hardest decision I have to make. Please I need advise on this matter.

If your mother has support staff working with her, a chat with them may help. My mother was 86, frail but mentally alert when I was diagnosed. I talked with staff and they were keen to have her involved. I reckon supporting me gave her a new lease of life. But the dementia makes a big difference. Talking with an aged care professional may reassure you you are not doing anything harmful, whatever you decide. Best wishes.

Thanks once again to al who posted their thoughts with me. I am close to my mum and it has been hard not to say anything. I see my mum every Saturday but did not last week as I was in hospital. With reading the responses this has helped me to make my decision of just telling my mum that I had a lump that has been removed and nothing else. I do not want my mum overthinking it all and going over and over it again if mention it was cancer. This has been the hardest decision I have had to make as I too do not like to keep secrets. Have an appointment next Tues re radiology so I will get more info again and move with baby steps towards treatment. Thanks to all you caring wonderful people out there, you certainly made me feel more comfortable in dealing with this. Take care all. Until next time

Great news!I'm big at no secrets but I agree that this one could be tricky. A second opinion from someone who knows her well would be helpful. Or maybe tell her that you had a close call but the news is really good and you don't have to have much treatment - downplay rather than withhold. I'm afraid that I don't have a lot of experience with dementia to have any certainty.

Great news on your results. Yep, I'm with Sister - downplay it & leave out some bits. Maybe just say you've been crook - it can be amazing how those with dementia can be 'spot on' with some things as if it was yesterday & hopeless with others (that WAS yesterday.) Do you have a good support group around you? Family & Friends? I hope soAll the best for your Rads treatment xx

Great news on getting good results. In regard to telling your Mum, it also depends on how close you live/how often you see her. If your having radiation on a daily basis it might be hard to keep up the facade of what your going through physically and mentally without her knowing. My hubby had prostate cancer which he had lost his father to and he just couldn't tell his Mum, he was lucky to have surgery etc and is in the clear now but he just thought it would be too much stress for her that she didn't need. We also have not told her about my breast cancer. She is in her 80's and has been unwell and we figured that as we are both ok there was no reason to tell her. We live interstate from family so that made the decision easier also.good look with the rest of your treatment :)

Results back- notifing my mum | BCNA Online Network

arpie
Member
6 years ago
Great news on your results.

Yep, I'm with Sister - downplay it & leave out some bits. Maybe just say you've been crook - it can be amazing how those with dementia can be 'spot on' with some things as if it was yesterday & hopeless with others (that WAS yesterday.)

Do you have a good support group around you? Family & Friends? I hope so

All the best for your Rads treatment xx
Silba
Member
6 years ago
Hi.

I have Mets cancer , so had in breast ,lymph nodes, a spot in liver and hip .
Both of my parents are 80 and 86 , they have their own health issues.so for me personally I told them about the breast and lymphs ,a bit hard to hide a double mastectomy,but I have not told them the rest.

They are worried enough ,I do have to be careful with what I say and medical app.,etc I guess it depends on how much you are willing to hide and pretend around her.

But it is up to you ,but if you know any of her good friends might be helpful to have around when you tell her as a support for you and her.

Good luck
Sister
Member
6 years ago
Great news!

I'm big at no secrets but I agree that this one could be tricky. A second opinion from someone who knows her well would be helpful. Or maybe tell her that you had a close call but the news is really good and you don't have to have much treatment - downplay rather than withhold. I'm afraid that I don't have a lot of experience with dementia to have any certainty.
kmakm
Member
6 years ago
My first instinct is to say don't tell her. But only if you're comfortable withholding that kind of information about your life from her. It could be difficult. Do you have someone else close to both of you that you could ask? An aunt or uncle, a good friend? I'd hate to think you'd be tortured by guilt from the decision to stay silent.

Congrats on the clear scans! Wonderful news. K xox

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