Recovery blues - looking for a kick up the bum!

@Andrea_J1 For what it's worth the one thing that saved and still saves me is some advice from my best friend who 4 years ago had a 3% chance with oesophageal cancer  Her son in law is a life coach and counsellor and gave her this advice which she then gave me 5 days after my diagnosis  where I had fallen into a despairing huge black hole, full of horrible thoughts.. I do credit the doctor who mumbled my diagnosis  and then just stared at me. Offered me no advice  nothing . After my phone call with my friend I immediately followed her advice and climbed out of that hole and have never looked back. It's simple  works, and goes like this. Build yourself a house, any colour size style., it's your house. Build it next to some running water. Lake, ocean, stream  whatever.. It's your choice. Whenever you have a bad, fearful, or negative, or worrying thought, or an issue over anything,  or with somebody, absolutely anything in your universe that's bothering you   Go inside your house that you've built, and wrap whatever it is that's bothering you,, up securely  Then take it outside and go to the water and place the package in the water and watch it float away from you.
Initially on my first day I spent a long time in my house. I go to my house whenever I need to wherever I am. When I get into bed I scan my day for anything I might have ignored and handle it. This exercise turned my world around for the better . I hope it can do the same for you, and anyone else that wants to try it..

@CathyMac - delete the word 'should' from your vocabulary now! 'Shoulds' have no purpose other than to create further stress. 'I might ....... or, 'maybe I can' are preferable. Give yourself permission to behave and think differently. In the first few months I felt as though I was in a washing machine but eventually learned that my life had changed, was changing and it would take time and common sense to negotiate my way through the stress. Xxxxx Beryl C.

@CathyMac, sending you big hugs xoxo
Did you have the lumpectomy first and then the mastectomy?  
I think the process is the worst!  I thought I would bounce back quickly!! Shows how naive I am.  I obviously didn't read all the information very well!! 

@Andrea_J1 I had surgery on the 6th December. Single mastectomy and I like you am having post surgery blues. I wss really hoping to be feeling so much better physically than I am by now. I ended up with an infection in 2 spots along the suture line. It's getting better but it's been a process. I'm still feeling so tight, hard and restricted along the suture line and under my arm and just want to the uncomfortableness to go away. I think I'm also battling with the changes in my diagnosis which went from lumpectomy with rads or masteconomy with hormone blockers as my surgeon said all indicators were there was no node involvement to masteconomy with chemo, rads and hormone blockers as there were 3 nodes with cancer and I had a total of 16 nodes removed.
I am too normally a very positive person who can always see the silver linings but at times I am struggling. No days seem good but some are better than others. 
Hang in there we can do this. All the BC warriors here have done it, so I know I can too.
Happy New Year to all the amazing BC warriors ❤️❤️

Thank you everyone,
Your wise words are just what I need.  You are all so amazing and inspirational. 
It is comforting to know that this abnormal emotional me is "normal".   
@Blossom1961, my husband has told me today (after 26 years) that I too am a control freak!!  :D  
xoxoxox

Hi @Andrea_J1 sending you a private message

We know what it feels like, and your feelings fit right in. I had shocking blues after my mastectomy. As Fran says, nothing about BC is normal so expect to be different. I am a control freak so this whole BC thing has knocked me down pretty low. Sometimes I need help to scrape me off the tarmac and other times I stubbornly refuse any assistance. Do what you need to do in order to get through this. Screaming works a treat for me but scares the living daylights out of everyone within a five km radius. Don’t be harsh on yourself - easier said than done, but imagine what you would be saying to your favourite person if they were in the same scenario. Big hugs. xxx

@Andrea_J1 There's very little that's normal in BC World; but what you've been feeling is normal. And tomorrow you might feel better and then half an hour feel down in a pit again. That's the way it goes. This challenge is only partly physical; much of it is psychological and emotional. You don't need a kick to get you going. You just need - as the other ladies have said - to be kind to yourself. Let yourself wallow when you need to. 

I know what you mean about always having been positive, calm and controlled. That makes it extra hard when you feel yourself coming apart at the seams. You expect so much of yourself. But in this situation, your usual expectations are just not going to cut it. This is unique territory you're in and it's going to take a long time to get through it.

Yes, appreciate the good wishes and flowers and chocolates - especially the chocolates - and accept the love offered to you. But gratitude is no magic wand to help you feel better. 

Try to think of an activity that you can manage physically and find an occasional moment of joy, if you can - even if it's just listening to some favourite music.

I've had many times of hating my body (10 1/2 months since mastectomy) and doubting that I've done the right thing in choosing the reconstruction process I'm going through. And I'm still doubtful. That self-loathing you feel is understandable. It's very unfair for any of us to be in this situation. Sometimes I struggle hard to find any bits of myself I can still love.

Just take things an hour at a time.

hugs, Fran 

Make haste slowly @Andrea_J1  .... the emotions & physical pain & discomfort can kick in at any time, day or night, multiple times a day .... it is totally natural to feel low, to be pissed off, to feel angry at the world (or even your family & friends!) cos they really don't know what you've been thru.  

You are strong, you can do this - and with the help of family & friends & GPs/counsellors - and us .... we can smooth the way for you.

Take care, be kind to yourself as you work your way thru this quagmire of crap that we all trudge thru xxxx

All the best for your surgical review on the 7th (that is just 2 days after my diagnosis 'last year' and my surgery 10 days later ....)

Take lots of deep breaths, take one day at a time & if you it feels right, have a cry or a scream - you are entitled to it.

Thinking of you xxxx 

Hi Andrea. It is not at all unusual to feel low after these procedures. It's a lot to take on board psychologically, a cancer diagnosis. It all happens very fast. Our body betrays us, mortality is brought into sharp focus, and surgery changes our bodies in the space of a day. Some can take this in their stride, but many falter and need time to adjust, accept and recover. I myself am still struggling emotionally, and it's been a year since I was diagnosed.

It's normal to feel grief and anger. Acknowledge those feelings, allow yourself to feel them, and express them without guilt. If you think they're hanging around too long, have a chat to your GP about getting some counselling.

Please be kind to yourself! It's a tough time. Big hug, K xox