New To BCNA

Hi @GavinCh,

Welcome and good on you for finding this place. Already some fantastic advice as usual.  This forum is a godsend and for me has provided more insight and information than most of the doctors.  They've got the technical stuff under control but some are quite lacking (there are exceptions) about the emotional side of things and how it actually feels to have been told you have cancer.

The start of this thing just plain out sux.  Waiting, waiting, waiting for a game plan.  Ugh!

You know your wife better than anyone so you're probably in tune with how she's going to feel about support groups etc.  Some people find them very helpful and some do better on their own. This forum is support group enough for some of us.

Personally, I wanted as much normality as possible. Kept myself as distracted and busy as I could. There were hide in the bedroom days and nobody could help with them. 

I opted not to take anyone to appointments with me, except the breast care nurse, that way I didn't have to deal with anyone else's emotions but my own.  I took my mother to the first surgical appointment and she broke down crying so that was that.
My husband came with me to my first chemo treatment and looked upset and sorry for me so I sent him home.

I found this much easier, that way I could come home from appointments and explain as much or as little as I wanted to. Kind of gave me a bit of control of the situation.

 The best thing to do right now is just look after the kids and the house so she can deal with her own headspace and be the shoulder to cry on when she needs to. Probably a lot :)

It all just depends on the person. Once there is a plan things will move along and she'll feel a bit more in control of the situation. Then she can let you know what she wants. 

All the best to both of you.
xoxoxoxo

That's fantastic @Brenda5!

Hi @GavinCh  Sorry you have to be on this site but you will find a bunch of people who just get it and as everyone has said  if you have any questions just fire away.  When I was diagnosed last April I just wanted to hibernate to deal with my emotions.  It is the worst time knowing you have BC but not sure what type, what stage and the waiting game just sucks.  Your mind goes into overdrive thinking of  all the worst case scenarios. 
I agree with the others and save a lovely cruise until once all treatment has finished. It will be a godsend but in the mean time just go with how your wife is feeling on the day.   It truly is a roller coaster.  For me there was days I just wanted to hide under the doona with a good book or days I got out and did some exercise while I was waiting. 
Generally once a plan is formulated by the BC team it takes a little pressure off in regards to being able to concentrate on a set plan moving forward.  I like "Sister" was a bit of a stalker until I eventually posted but have found that whatever question or concern I  had there is always some one who has travelled the same road before me or with me. If you have looked at some of the threads here you will see a bit of black humour helps us along the way.  
Hope all goes well and just be prepared that plans can change as more results start to come through. 

There will be times when none of you can do anything right for her and that's ok. It's just part and parcel of what is a crappy disease to get. 
Believe it or not when we heard sexual things might be pushed to the sidelines we made the most of the time we had in the short time before treatment. We even went to a sex aids shop (first time in our entire lives) and had an absolute ball, laughing our heads off when we got home and compared notes. I remember that day with fondness as it was totally out of character for us but it was fun!

Hi Gavin 

Welcome. I was diagnosed 2 days before Christmas. I am half way through chemo and face a lumpectomy or mastectomy in July. Iwas told about this site and kept away initially. I now follow discussions and have only just put my name down to have lunch with some beautiful girls in April (who I have never met) and a support lunch in May. Heaps of support and love here whenever you and Karen need it.  

Gavin - do you know of the Cancer Council in Perth (Cottesloe)? You can phone their counsellors with any questions or concerns. I have found them to be both friendly and informative, they know how to listen. I have also found this discussion list to be a 'life saver' at times and this community has some very well informed contributors, for example, do you go Public or Private? What about work? And all the information you could hope for with regard to treatments, medications, dealing with the 'experts'. You will also learn that priorities change, some things just have to be let go, being diagnosed is sufficient to create stress and fatigue for all family members.

Hi @GavinCh welcome I am sorry you and Karen have to be here. I am based in Busselton and would be very happy to offer any support I could to you both as a fellow WA member.I am 43 and was diagnosed in August 18 I have just finished chemotherapy. I am totally aware to begin with things can be very overwhelming,please don’t hesitate to tag me and I am happy to chat online and help where ever I can.
@JJ70 is an amazing soul who helped me and reached out to me at my time of initial diagnosis.
There is lots of support available and many many amazing people in this community who while going threw their own experiences will help others.

Thanks for tagging me in @arpie .

Hi @GavinCh. Jo here - I am based in Perth and coming up to 18 months post diagnosis. I have a great friend @Shellbelle_75 in Busselton and another, Marianne - located in Bunbury, but I don't think she is on BCNA. Let me know if you want contacts as this goes on. Both women would be awesome supports and would love to help.
I see there is a support lunch in Bunbury March 23. Check out the thread.

Unfortunately there are no longer any Otis Foundation properties in WA. The only one we had in Denmark was removed from use recently. They are currently looking for new properties.

Have you made contact with Breast Cancer Care WA - this organisation is the most awesome support - counselling, financial support, breast care nurses who know ALL about treatment and are often more 'grass roots' with helpful hints and remedies than doctors and oncologists are.

https://www.breastcancer.org.au/
(08) 9324 3703

Phone and talk with them. They will allocate Karen a Breast Care Nurse adn even a phone connection is helpful, if they can't see you in person. My breast care nurse from BCCWA was a godsend and I don't know how I would have got through the early stags without her. We are lucky to have this organisation in WA - it is unique.

Please ask anything, as things unfold. We are all here to help.

So good to have a hubby here - 10/10 Gav!

Your wife will come to us in good time if that's what she wants.  Many of us stalked the discussions in silence before getting up the nerve to join in.  It often comes with the need to ask practical questions about tests or treatments.  

@GavinCh - we have some WA members (you an add your town or state to your profile - just click on the 'settings wheel' on the top right hand corner & click on 'edit profile'.

A couple of WA ladies who may have info to help you  .....   @"Annie C"     @JJ70

Are you a couple of hours from Bunbury?  The girls will be able to help you with info re travel expenses etc. ....

All the best xx