Nervous about surgery

Hi @annajjj, I am sorry to hear of your diagnosis, but you have come to a great place for support. Great to hear you have a good surgeon too. I also had ILC in my left breast. I was diagnosed in December 2019; neo-adjuvant chemo (4 x AC, 12 x taxol) followed by double mastectomy (BMX); expanders and then implants in December 2020 and I now take a hormone blocker. I knew from the start that I wanted the BMX and my surgeon supported me - it was my decision.

It is normal and understandable to be nervous. I found the surgery was pretty straightforward - I didn’t have any complications and I was home after a week and mainly taking Panadol for pain relief - for the first few days, I took much stronger medication. I had a drain in each side and these were removed before I came home. The physio will give you exercises and these are extremely important in your recovery so that you get your movement range back, but don’t overdo it, just do what is recommended. If you are in pain, take the medication as it is all very individual and whilst you are in pain, you cannot recover properly. 

Button up tops and pjs are perfect as you don’t want to have to lift your arm up. I didn’t know what to expect when I woke up - what would I look like? The best way to describe my incisions is two incisions like smiles with a strip of tape over them. I want to tell you this as I thought I was going to come out all bandaged up and that wasn’t the case for me.

You will have restricted movement, but this will improve each week. When people offer to help, let them. The surgery is changing a part of you, but it is also a giant step forward to your recovery. I talked my surgery through with a psychologist just to get some clarity. Remember to ask as many questions as you need to.

I think I know a little of how you are feeling and I am very happy to help if I can - ask away. There is also a private group here for ILC specifically, but you just need to ask to join. There is a lot of great information there. I am also tagging @arpie as she has some great links that I think you will find helpful. Take care x

Hi @annajjj. I just want to say that you won’t be sick. You will be sore, but only for a short while. You’ll be given meds to help with that, and exercises to do to help you bounce back. The surgery will be to take out the ca, which means after it you’ll be even healthier than now. Your body will change, yes, but only in the chest area. Do what you need to go through that as it is a significant change, but it will not affect your lifestyle. Good luck with the surgery 🍀♥️

Thank you @Mazbeth that is really helpful. I'd also pictured big bandages all around my torso so good to know what to expect. I've bought a couple of button down tops in anticipation but I have to say, the drains worry me. I will do the exercises as instructed. I'm worried about my reaction to looking down and seeing stitches where my breasts once were. I keep trying to picture it so that I don't get too distressed when it actually happens. Not that my boobs are particularly lovely, but they are part of my body and I am slightly freaked out at the thought of not having them anymore. 
I guess everyone goes through this panicky feeling and I just have to woman-up and be brave but I'm still feeling so nervous. Thank goodness for this site and the support of other people who have gone through this. 
I really appreciate your comment. 

Thank you also @FLClover. Your comments on posts are really sensible and comforting. You're right, I think I have to remember that this is a procedure to rid my body of this cancer. And that is a positive good thing.

@annajjj you’re welcome hun 😘. But I also want to say that you do have the right to be nervous. We all are, some more than others. I was close to a wreck before my main surgery. I was doing things to calm myself and glad it was happening as I really wanted the lumps out, but that didn’t stop me from being terrified inside. It’s unknown, so of course we are scared. And it will def be strange to look down and not see your own breasts. Do a little meditation exercise to show your gratitude towards them now, and also allow your sorrow to be free. You’re parting with two very important parts of your life, you should def be sad. Don’t ignore those feelings, they have a place and they deserve respect. Also take pictures, you’ll be thankful you did later. 

Hi @annajjj  -  you are definitely not alone in being nervous about the surgery ..... I worked myself up into a real sweat .... and afterwards, it was so much 'easier' than I'd imagined!!  Our brains play tricks on us, always imagining the worst ..... Just the mental 'relief' that 'it' has been removed is a huge weight off your shoulders.   Mine was ILC & I had a lumpectomy - and was AMAZED at how small the bandage area was!   Don't forget a small pillow to 'hug' as you drive home, in case of bumps in the road!  Mine was a godsend!  Your Breast Care Nurse may well give you one.

@Mazbeth has given you some top info  .....  just try not to overthink it.  It really does 'muck with your brain' otherwise.  I found that keeping busy in the lead up to the surgery is good ..... and post op as well, as you are able!  Just make sure you take the Panadol as prescribed - as you don't get any brownie points for 'putting up with it'!

Yep - that puppy isn't doing you any favours .... so best it not be there!!  Tho, I must admit, I did take some 'before' pics, just for my own reference!   Are you having a single mastectomy or are you having both done?  

I treated myself to a week on Norfolk Island with my ukulele buddies ..... and loved it!!  Make sure you give yourself a 'treat' now & then, as reward for what you've been thru!

take care and all the best xx. We've 'got your back' - you are not alone! xx

Yes to all of the suggestions and comments above.  It's hard not to feel really anxious but you will get through it as so many of us have.  I remember joking (my reaction sometimes) to the surgeon that my room's balcony doors were locked because they were worried that we would escape!  Take care.

Hi annajjj
It is  completely normal to feel anxious following a breast cancer diagnosis.
it is a huge shock and a lot to take in.
you are at the right place on this forum as we have all been there.
Even though rationally I know I had a great team of Doctors  and was in a great facility, the emotional side of me was running riot ( there is a great lady on here with the pen name of “ riot at midnight” which really resonated with me).
There are many suggestions for trying to calm yourself down including deep breathing, meditation, and listening to music.
whatever works for you.
it WILL get better , I found myself a lot calmer once I had a confirmed surgery date ( I had a left mastectomy for lobular cancer) and then once I was being wheeled into the operating theatre I did feel all my cares drift away ( actually I think that was the anaesthetic!) 
One other thing is you will cry a lot and that’s ok, it’s all part of coming yo terms with the loss.I called it “ the loss of my bulletproof self”.
Keep well and don’t hesitate to post on here and read other’s stories, I found it really helpful.

Sending best wishes to you 🌺

@arpie @Sister @Julez1958 @Cath62 Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. Some great suggestions and reassurance which I really need. I especially like the advice about the small pillow and letting myself cry if I need to, and also @FLClover suggestion about dancing and singing to music. I'm an 80s music tragic and this is working well for me. Turning up the music and distracting myself has been great. I'm tentatively booked in for both breasts in 3 weeks. I thought it would be sooner since it has already been a month since diagnosis but I've been assured the cancer won't spread fast. I have to trust the professionals I think, and try to keep calm. I'm not great at meditation but it is also a good suggestion and I am trying to do it every day. Thank you all once again.