How do you tell people and what do you tell ?????

It depends on your relationships and what you want to tell.  My Mum decided it was her place to tell all my immediate family, even though I'd asked her not to. 

 I run a health & fitness facebook group, so when I had to go into hospital for the op I posted a pic of me jumping on my bed in my pj's (with the obligatory teddy bear) and let them all know, they were incredibly supportive but didn't push for information.  

One of my Aunts was diagnosed with lung cancer the same week as I found out I had cancer.  So all my Aunts and Uncles got regular letters in the mail telling them how I was going and what was happening.  I didn't go into the gory itty bitty stuff, but just kept them in the loop so they didn't worry.

Thank you everyone. While I know I can ‘google’ my way through it your insights and real life examples help so much, didn’t even know this existed - so glad it does. Thanks again 😘🥺😘

It just depends on what you are comfortable with I guess.

My hubby did the ringing on the day of diagnosis.  He let my mother know, (she arrived in 10 mins with diazepam bless her) our children and my best friend.  I was on leave from work at time coincidentally, not a nice holiday present.  Once I was a litle more composed I went in to work and told my boss and the lady I job share with who promptly went and told everyone else so that took care of that problem. :neutral:
I told a couple of our long standing clients so they would know why I was walking around lthe property looking somewhat zombieish occasionally
I facebooked right at the end.  About 2 days before I finished radiation. I only really did that as I was so happy to be at the end of treatment and wanted every one to know. Blew a lot of people out of the water.  They had no idea, even the ones I see reasonably regularly.

xoxox

I told my immediate family and boss initially and once I knew my surgical/treatment plan I put something on Facebook and told my work colleagues who I am quite close with. Big hugs xoxoxox

That reminds me of what happened yesterday at work @Afraser.  There are about 150 staff where I work (not sure of the gender split but probably about half/half).  I knew of 3 other women who had/have bc.  Yesterday, during a work-related conversation, another colleague confided that she had also had it 17 years ago but that it wasn't common knowledge.  The nature of the conversation indicated that it still has an impact on her.  There are a lot of women (and men) out there who have had this who keep it to themselves.

I told my immediate family and my work colleagues. The rest filtered out on a 'when it came up' basis. For example, my next door neighbour complimented me on my new hairstyle when I ran into her outside our houses on my way back from extreme haircut and new wig tryout!! So I told her. Turned out she had bc ten years before. We got quite a bit closer over the next few months. 

The first time around, BCV1, I told everybody everything. Straight away. It wasn't a good idea but once I started I couldn't stop. I worked in a public library and it all became a very public event.
BCV2 I only told people who I considered friendsf and only when I had direct contact with them for other, non BC reasons. No ringing, no facebook. If I wasn't talking to you about something else, you didn't get told about the cancer. That worked better for me.

My husband knew as he was at the recall appointment with me and we had to tell the kids straight away as we had to pick them up in the rush to get to the GP before she left for the day (she was staying back to see me).  The kids had been waiting at my MILs after school so that was how my husband's family found out (I don't have any immediate family still living).  My line manager knew where I was going so a brief email that night covered that.  The next day, I rang my two closest friends who are from different friendship groups and told them.  I asked them to let others know but also that I didn't want people contacting me at that stage.  Those two friends became the conduit of information for a couple of weeks until my husband helped me set up a blog to keep people updated.  I passed out that address to friends, family and colleagues and I know it has been passed on to a couple of people who have been going through this, themselves. That became the way I told people things but also a bit of a diary of the last year and how I was feeling going through treatment.  I think it was a really good way to deal with it as everyone could find out how I was going but didn't have to wonder whether they should ring and ask.

I would suggest that you wait until you have a treatment plan so that people's questions are answered and you're not inundated.

Choose the method you're most comfortable with. Are most of your friends on Facebook? Then use that. Or you could create a group on WhatsApp and use that. Or just tell your closest circle and ask them to tell others.

I couldn't bear the thought of having to tell people in person so I did it via WhatsApp, copying and pasting the message as I went. My husband told some people for me. I let everyone know I needed time to adjust and to speak to my husband in the meantime.

The big rule here is that you only do what YOU are comfortable with! You're the most important person right now. So only do what feels OK, and when you're ready.

It's OK for your husband to be upset. I hope he has someone to support him other than you. You need to be able to rely on him, especially at this time, so he has to look after himself. Tell him I said so! K xox