Breaking news to others

Welcome Jream
I too found it diffucult  to tell family n friends

@Jream

Understanding why you don’t want to tell anyone may be key. Sometimes it’s privacy (my life, my body, nobody else’s business), sometimes it’s a misplaced sense of shame (did I do something to cause this, which you almost certainly didn’t), sometimes it’s fear of people treating you differently.

Whichever, who you tell and when is entirely up to you. I’m a big fan of the qualified outsider (not a friend or family member) who can help you work out your feelings - the brain is just as important as the body in this caper. 

A cautionary note - not a personal experience, but it’s by no means unusual for friends and family to need some comforting from you about your diagnosis rather than the more predictable other way round. Cancer is just one more serious illness but it’s been a bogeyman for so long that talking about it can be difficult. So yes, a professional counsellor to practice with! Your GP, oncologist or breast care nurse should be able to provide a referral. Best wishes, you’re on a new unknown path but the outcomes (I am 10 years on and no evidence of disease) can be wonderful. 

Thank you Brightspace and Afraser. <3

@Jream When I was diagnosed, I chose not to tell many people at all. I come from a small country town & didnt want everyone in the street looking at me or treating me differently. To this day, its only my close family (sister & her kids) & 2 friends who know plus my boss & work colleague. My parents-in-law dont even know!! I am so glad I made the decision as I can live normally & go anywhere, without having people ask me questions or talk behind my back. Everyone is different but what I want to say, is that you dont have to tell everyone or anyone you dont want to. You can go through this with the support of a few close friends/family who you chose to tell & you will know who they are. Also, my BC Nurse offered to tell any family or friends for me as that is part of her job. She can then counsel them if required & offer support if needed. Maybe you can arrange a meeting with a BC Nurse to discuss your concerns & see if they can speak to your friends/family with you. They can also provide great reading material which may answer many questions/concerns they may have. Good luck & wishing you love & strength xx <3

Thank you Anne. It’s so so true.  <3 (sorry I don’t know how to format my replies yet…) but many thanks. 

Anne65 said:

@Jream When I was diagnosed, I chose not to tell many people at all. I come from a small country town & didnt want everyone in the street looking at me or treating me differently. To this day, its only my close family (sister & her kids) & 2 friends who know plus my boss & work colleague. My parents-in-law dont even know!! I am so glad I made the decision as I can live normally & go anywhere, without having people ask me questions or talk behind my back. Everyone is different but what I want to say, is that you dont have to tell everyone or anyone you dont want to. You can go through this with the support of a few close friends/family who you chose to tell & you will know who they are. Also, my BC Nurse offered to tell any family or friends for me as that is part of her job. She can then counsel them if required & offer support if needed. Maybe you can arrange a meeting with a BC Nurse to discuss your concerns & see if they can speak to your friends/family with you. They can also provide great reading material which may answer many questions/concerns they may have. Good luck & wishing you love & strength xx <3

Anne65 said:

@Jream When I was diagnosed, I chose not to tell many people at all. I come from a small country town & didnt want everyone in the street looking at me or treating me differently. To this day, its only my close family (sister & her kids) & 2 friends who know plus my boss & work colleague. My parents-in-law dont even know!! I am so glad I made the decision as I can live normally & go anywhere, without having people ask me questions or talk behind my back. Everyone is different but what I want to say, is that you dont have to tell everyone or anyone you dont want to. You can go through this with the support of a few close friends/family who you chose to tell & you will know who they are. Also, my BC Nurse offered to tell any family or friends for me as that is part of her job. She can then counsel them if required & offer support if needed. Maybe you can arrange a meeting with a BC Nurse to discuss your concerns & see if they can speak to your friends/family with you. They can also provide great reading material which may answer many questions/concerns they may have. Good luck & wishing you love & strength xx <3

Hi @Jream I don't know if it is your kind of thing or not but when I was diagnosed, a friend of mine sent me a book called "Life is Tough but So are You" by Briony Benjamin and I found that such a help. It seems to put things in perspective and also has a great section of how to deal with friends and family and what you can say to them and vice versa. I found it really good for me as I struggled as well. It really is uplifting at what can be the most difficult of times. Big love to you as you navigate this time xx