Hi everyone, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 HER 2+ Breast Cancer with 17/18 Lymph Node positive on my 40th Birthday in October. I have since had a Total Mastectomy and Axillary Dissection. I have undergone 4 cycles of AC and am currently about to have my 3rd cycle of Taxol with Herceptin every 3 weeks. I have 2 beautiful boys aged 11 and 9 who are scared they are going to lose their mum. How do I keep my constant fears of the cancer spreading? So far all CT's and Bone Scans have come back clear. Thanks

@Melsie97 I just wanted to send a massive HUG!!!! and let you know you are so not alone!!! Super super normal to feel that way and worry and as others have said, in the midst of treatment its front and foremost in your mind! My first diagnosis in 2011 my daughter was 13 and my Son 11 and I was only 6 months out of my marriage and into a new place and getting my life together as a single parent. My Radiologist at the time told me to sit down and talk to my kids, obviously on their level, however he said dont with hold, that communication is so vital. I remember before I did that my son was in tears, he just lost his Dad so to speak, he lost his home and was petrified he was going to lose me. I remember hugging him and saying you know what "THis is really crappy whats happening!, but NO I'm not going anywhere, its going to be tough for a while but thats all" It was the hardest few months of my life alone with no support as my Mum passed 2009 and there were days I wanted to crawl in the corner and give up but I didn't. I think if anything back then I taught my kids you never give up, you never give in and I never did. OF course I went through a tougher time 2015 with a recurrence but they were older and even came to chemo with me! AMAZING KIDS!!! Everyone will say, it never goes away that fear...but honestly??? I refuse to let that dominate my here and now and miss out on what I have in my life right now. Thats how I cope I think with the fear of it. Big hugs xoxoxo Melinda

Hi Melsie97, I think that the fear of the cancer spreading is a natural reaction and something that we all can relate to and have all experienced. I was diagnosed May last year and must admit that I do think about the cancer spreading but not on a regular basis. I think with your diagnosis still being fairly recent (I'm sure it mustn't seem like it) and the fact that you are still dealing with treatment, your concerns are totally normal particularly as you have your 2 beautifuls to consider as well. I think if you are feeling or start to feel that you are totally consumed by your fears then perhaps some counselling might help. Cancer Council 131120 have a telephone service that could assist and may help to allay your fears or at least minimise them. Wishing you all the best with this. Xx Cath

I had similar treatment nearly 5 years ago and as socoda says, your fears are very natural. Young children too are fearful of what is out of the ordinary, and they may find they relax a bit after the active part of treatment is over (as will you). One thing you can be sure of is that anxiety (yours or your family's) won't help anything. A good counsellor can help you focus on reducing your fears but may also have some good advice about helping your sons through this period too.

I spent many nights fearful of spread. Although my boys are teenagers and young men they still really need my guidance and love. Once through the chemo part and just on herceptin I started to feel hope and imagined a life beyond treatment. My niece who developed breast cancer at 31...with 10 + lymph nodes had the ACT-H ...on the clinical trials for Herceptin. 14 years on she remains cancer free. This gives me such hope that I will too. It will get bettet. Kath x

Thankyou ladies. We have been open and honest with our boys from the beginning and told them we always will be. I've told them I plan to be here for a while. I'm trying not to let it dominate my thoughts but as Primek said nights are the worst. I'll definitely look into the Cancer Council counselling. I'm hoping once treatment is over and we get back to a new 'norm' it will alleviate the anxiety.

Always Worried | BCNA Online Network

15 Replies

RNSW
Member
9 years ago
Hi Melsie
I was also diagnosed at 40 with two boys. A year and a half has passed chemo and radiation done I feel like I'm going ok emotionally. The fear will always be there but I found that meditation is helpful. I lay on my bed and close my eyes. I also try to not let cancer dominate my life or conversations. People have always said to me how positive I am, I would say I try to be as much as possible for my boys. Every moment counts for my boys.
Wishing you the very best.
Rita xo
Melsie97
Member
9 years ago
Hi au0rei, I had a port put in prior to my Chemo. In my opinion, best thing I did. I found the AC hard with the nausea, but I'm currently on Taxol and Herceptin which is a lot easier.
Its been hard with the kids as you know, but is getting easier for them. My 11 year old tells my often he's scared which breaks my heart, were my 9 year old doesn't really say much.

I hope all your treatment goes goes really well.
au0rei
Member
9 years ago
Hi all, it took a a bit of courage to finally jump online. I found a lump on the first day of our family last December and it completely changed my life. I was diagnosed to have stage 2 breast cancer with ER- PR- and Her2+. Mastectomy on my left has been done and now waiting for chemo and Herceptin to start end Jan.

Melsie97, I perfectly identify with your fears. I am scared too and my imagination can go wild. I dread the treatments coming up but I know that I should go through with it. Did you insert a port for your treatments? I am getting mine done on 20 Jan, two days after my 43rd birthday.

My 11 yo boy knows what's going on but my 4yo is a little oblivious. He keeps asking mummy why dr had to cut my boob away. He knows cancer is a bad thing.

Hi Zoffiel, I am so sorry it came back. That sucks. I don't know what to say to comfort you. I am asking myself what I should do when I recover. I have lost my sense of direction for the moment, stuck in a dark tunnel for now. I have so many questions but no answers.
Melsie97
Member
9 years ago
Hi Marg, Thanks for your response. I'm sorry your disease has returned. I'm hoping once treatment is over, our new norm will alleviate the anxiety as I'll have other things to occupy my mind. I've been to see the Oncologist today and she's referred my to the Clinical Psycologist at the hospital which I think will help. Mel
Zoffiel
Member
9 years ago
HI Melsie. The worry never goes away but, strangely, I've become used to it. My anxiety is not my friend but now I can pick it up and look at it without feeling like chucking from the fear.

My disease has returned after ten years--which is not cheery news however it reinforces why no one wants this potential killer lurking in their system. You are right to be worried and no amount of platitudes will change that; relief only comes with time passing and I hope you have heaps of time to adjust to your new reality. Marg
Pattie
Member
9 years ago
Yes I also worry about the cancer coming back. I did go to the Seminar at Healesville,which was fantastic, and met other ladies who had the same fears. I have started to do meditation and sometimes at night when worried I listen to some comforting music. I want to get back into my quilting. I think it is natural but sometimes you feel that you are the only one worrying.
Ann-Marie
Member
9 years ago
Hi @Melsie97 we have some information on the BCNA website that may help provide some support to you and your children (Telling your children). You will find here links to other websites with more information and we have a number of online network members who will be able to share their experience with you.
Brenda5
Member
9 years ago
Wow you've had a whirlwind of treatment since your birthday and I do remember that dark time especially at night when it seems to almost consume you. It does get better with time. Do you have a goal for your next birthday? I wanted to have a seafood for one for mine. Its over $50 which is a real treat on our limited budget. Every time I got windy about cancer I would focus on that upcoming birthday. Eventually I just accepted that "perhaps" cancer may kill me in the future (I could be run over by a bus too) but definitely not right now so why worry? <3
melclarity
Member
9 years ago
Melsie you're absolutely Right, once treatment is over you'll find your feet a little. It's so normal so very normal and its only time that helps honestly relax us a little. Sounds like you've got great support! X Melinda
rowdy
Member
9 years ago
Hi have you tried canteen they offer support for kids who have a parent with cancer. I'm not sure about age but think your boys are old enough.Look up online

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Always Worried

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