Very dark place at the moment

Thankyou so much for that Jess.  I will look into those things now.  Its knowing where to find and where to start with these difficulties.  Thank you so much, Sue

Thank you so much Karen and Nicole,  you're right, its harder when you pick at each other when we should be holding together.  But you're right Karen, he is a keeper.  I love him to pieces, and he's a good man, but like he says, I might have broad shoulders and look like I can take anything, but inside he hurts like everyone else.  The sea change has been good for us Nicole as its meant we have only each other.  Very disappointed in my kids though.  They so nearly lost their mum, yet didn't see a lot of value in her.  I hope and pray one day they will.  I still love them even though. I feel if I harbour resentment, its not helping anyone.  We went away for a nice weekend, a draw close do something nice, and I ended up in bed the whole 4 days with food poisoning or something.  So that hit that on the head lol.  Have to have another go at that one.  Gotta laugh.  But thank you both so much for your support, and I hope that you have someone in your time of need too.  I have felt a huge load lifted off my shoulders just talking with others like this, who say its normal, don't be so hard on yourself.  It really helps.  Ive always expected a lot of myself.  Never shown anyone that I need them, until now.  Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart xxxx  I wish I could hug you all xxx

Hi Sue,
It sounds like you've been through a really tough time and the online network is definitely the place to 'air and share' and from all the women who have jumped in - it is also a great way to make connections with others who know what you are going through.

Should you ever need some additional support,  there are some great services including Beyond Blue http://www.beyondblue.org.au/ and Relationships Australia may also offer support to not only you but your family as well http://www.relationships.org.au/

You also might find the 'Emotional wellbeing' section on our website helpful with some links off to other supportive resources, such as the anxiety,depression and breast cancer factsheet.

Sending a huge cyber hug :-)
~Jess

It really is comforting to read your posts and discover that we are not the only husband and wife battling to get along.   Also that friends & family are not the support you expected. I imagine it's still better than going through it alone. Although sometimes I wonder.  Maybe a sea-change would work at least that would be one less thing for me to deal with,  getting over the hurt & trying to forgive and forget the people who have let me down In my hour of need.  

Sue, you aren't burdening us, well certainly not me! It lightens the load to know it's not just you and your family not coping. It really is such a shite experience on just some many levels with such long ranging effects. And everyone deals with things in their own way and in their own time. Sometimes I think it is harder for those around us. Hug your man tight. He sounds like a keeper! Take care xox

Hi it is tough at the beginning and the end. Today I have attended my last counselling session I found this really helped me to voice the crap that runs around in my head. Talking to someone who isn't a friend or family has helped lift the burden. I now keep a journal and this helps me more than I thought it would and this site has helped as well, we all have felt like crap at some stage and we all understand. Look after yourself and be kind to yourself and your husband sending you a hugxxx

Sue, if you guys have been married that long with only 2 fights you are obviously doing something right!!  Give him a big hug!

Thank you so much Karen for your kind words.  It helps when you hear other husbands don't cope either. I thought mine held up pretty good till now. I had to have emergency lung surgery 3 days after the lumpectomy (only to find the same day I needed a mastectomy too) but I remember sitting on the edge of the bed in so much pain before surgery, and that poor man just sobbed. It hurt so much. Cause he just wanted it taken away from me. He was helpless, and I now think that's what it is, 3 yrs down the track and he still feels helpless cause my joints still hurt, my bones,  overweight.  He thinks some of those can be fixed easily.  It's hard unless you've personally had it happen to your body to understand.  I feel for you too.  The last part of treatment is hard, as you're left thinking, is this it, how do you know it's ok, you haven't got a team of Drs making sure everything is ok.  It's scary. I understand that completely on your part.  And 3 yrs and it's still sitting on my shoulder taunting me.  And I feel I have got on with life.  Seeing other ppl worse off, does make you feel like what have I got yo complain about.  We have talked deeply about this since this episode on Wednesday and put all our feelings on the table, and I've come to the conclusion that I shouldn't burden him with absolutely everything.  Talk with friends more, because even though he's a big strong bloke, he's soft on the inside.  And I have to take his feelings into account too, as he has been on this journey with me and stuck with it all.  My children are just being childish.  In their mid 20's it's time for them to grow up.  But definitely will have counselling as everyone has suggested.  I really hope your husband can cope better too.  My hubby just gone down to the gym, that's how he unloads, so different to us.  But, I'm happy for him to take it out down there.  He's happy then.  Sorry to burden you with all this, you have your own problems still too, but it helps to talk to others who've been thru it.  I really wish you all the very best for the rest of your treatment. Hang in there.  And your hubby will hang in there too. Take care Karen xxx

Thanks Mira, I think we will do some counselling together.  But funny enough writing it down has done wonders.  We are still stepping on eggshells, but neither of us will give up.  It's actually only the second time in our married life we've had a fight, as such. We've stuck thru thick and thin.  Thank you so much for caring. Xx

Oh Sue, my heart broke for you and your husband when I read this post. I think everything you are both feeling is so normal under those circumstances. You've been to hell and back and it is all catching up now. I'm nearing the end of my treatment now and my hubby is falling apart. He's so angry, lonely, and can't cope with the smallest things. He just keeps saying that he can't take anymore. It definitely sounds like counselling would help. There are a lot of issues going on for both of you and I think if there was someone who could give you a different perspective, some strategies to cope etc would help. Speak to hubby, tell him he hasn't failed you. Start the dialogue. It is a wonderful thing you have done to move oversees to help people less fortunate but I can't help but wonder if the whole "there's always someone else worse off" scenario is somehow denying you the need to acknowledge the fact that you have been through hell and need time to repair both body and spirit. As far as family is concerned, well you can't control that. I too have been hurt by family. You kids are adults. Apart from trying to have a dialogue with them there's not much more that you can do. Maybe they aren't coping with having had their mother so I'll. maybe they are sick of hearing about it who knows. The fact is it's been your world for so long. Try to find something that you and your husband can feel joy in again. Even if it is just a walk along the beach together. It's not going to fall into place over night but it can get better. Hang in there. Karen xox