Forum Discussion

TripleTea's avatar
TripleTea
Member
8 years ago

Treatment, hysterectomy, mastectomy, and now an emotional mess!

Hi everyone,

I had had my last chemo on Jan 11th for triple neg BC. I have BRCA1 and in the last 6 weeks since finishing treatment I have had a full hysterectomy with uterus & ovaries removed 3 weeks after chemo and then a double mastectomy 3 weeks after the hysterectomy. 

I have been doing pretty well throughout my journey with the odd day here and there where I’m teary but now I feel down &  flat every day and I keep crying but for no reason. I’m not normally a cryer in normal circumstances so it’s hard.

I am still in a bit of pain and very uncomfortable with the expanders and am not allowed to drive or exercise so I am housebound by myself all day  and I feel like I need a purpose but at the same time I feel so flat and unmotivated I don’t want to do much anyway.  I just cry on and off and have bloody hot flashes!
Last week I had a panic attack thinking about recurrence. Sitting around with my mind is obviously not a good thing. 

Throughout treatment I couldn’t wait to get back to normal and “live every moment” etc and now I feel like this. What is wrong with me???

I had another lump prior to mastectomy which ended up being benign so all my pathology was clear. I should be celebrating that all is good and I’m cancer free and sometimes I am feeling really up beat but then other times I’m a mess or just flat.

Has anyone ever felt like this and if so do you have any suggestions? 

Sorry for the novel.
Thankyou x




chemotherapy
coping
surgery
triple-negative-breast-cancer
  • Afraser's avatar
    Afraser
    Member
    8 years ago
    Dear @TripleTea

    i think it's called catch up time. You've had enough going on to qualify for a full on traumatic episode, you've kept it all pretty controlled and sensible but sooner or later you and your body need to howl. Time alone by yourself will just make the catch up more likely. "Normal" frequently needs to be redefined after treatment. New normal isn't awful or unacceptable but it's not what you had, and there has to be a transition and some grieving is to be expected. I felt that all the air had been knocked out of me after treatment and a few permanent side effects. A short time with a really good, cancer experienced counsellor did wonders. We accept and welcome professional help for our bodies, but cancer, serious surgery and its implications bash the mind too. You are actually completely normal, it's just a very new sort of normal, hugely uncomfortable at first and a bit of a pilot light would help immensely to navigate to the new world.  Best wishes.